Teenage Dirtbag
by Kamui Kinomoto
Summary: AU Kamui sucks in the Clamp Campus while Fuuma is the most popular. Could they ever be 'in it? .::chapter 15 FINALLY up!::
1. Damn

Teenage Dirtbag

Part One- Damn

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I am Shirou Kamui. There's probably no one as damned as me in this entire world. I'm studying here at the Clamp Campus for about half a year now. I am absolutely a nobody here. No one cares that I exist. No one minds whether I do something great or something terrible here. Nobody wants, or will likely, look at me and at my purple eyes. Everyone won't bother nevertheless. I'm like a wind. But oh wait, people can still feel the wind's warm or cold presence on their skin so therefore I am not. Nobody knows me. Perhaps, no one wants to know me.

"KAMUIIIII!"

I almost forgot. Someone shouts my name everyday. And that's an honor. He's my friend Segawa Keiichi. We are both _dirtbags_, if he doesn't mind me putting him in the same category with me. So somehow, we manage to survive everyday in school with just each other. I admire him. But I don't like him the same way he probably likes me. I'm stupid. I will never be able to return the same degree of affection he's giving me. He's the only one who cares and listens to me. And yet, I'm not contented with him. Yes. I know how ironic life is. Especially mine. Perhaps, there's no hope for me. I just knew it.

"Wait for me!"

He's screaming too loud again. Well, no one really minds and cares if either of us scream at the top of his lungs. Everyone has his or her own problems to scream at. We are not worth any millisecond of anyone's time. That's what everyone believes in. And Keiichi and I live each day knowing that.

"Didn't I ask you to wait for me, KAMUI-KUN!"

"Don't shout. You're pestering everyone on this hallway," I tell Keiichi. You can say that it's my affectionate way of saying "shut up." But nobody even bothers to give me a look as a sign of acknowledgement or gratitude for shutting Keiichi up. See. We are truly nothing. I am. Truly nothing. I stop walking so that Keiichi can catch up with me.

"Kamui, you are always like that…" he says for a total record of thirty-seven thousand times already.

Yes. I'm always like this. I don't want to change. Even if I do, no one will ever notice. So it's absolutely nonsense. There's no use. And it sucks big time.

"Change for me," my friend says again for the thirty-seven thousandth time. He always adds that to the sentence he said a while ago.

Why should I? He is already used seeing me like this. I won't waste my time changing myself for nothing.

I ignored what he said and gives him a cold response, "Stop screaming for a change."

Wait. I don't intend to change myself. So I don't have the right to ask Keiichi to stop doing something he is used doing.

"Okay… Perhaps I would. If that's what you want," he answers with a bittersweet smile.

Miserable. I am.

"So… come on! Let's eat our lunch!" He tells me cheerfully. I like his smile. That is one of his assets I always wanted to have as well.

"You have a beautiful smile. You just never let it show." I remember my aunt Tokiko once told me this. How I wish it were true. She was right. I never let anyone see my so-called beautiful smile. Not even Keiichi. He'll probably faint if I will suddenly flash to him a smile.

"Come on! Cheer up!" he says, this time, for the gazillionth time (if "gazillionth" is even a word).

I will never be able to cheer up. I know that the way I speak sounds cold and uncaring. But I am not really a cold and uncaring person. As a matter of fact, I'm very emotional. Especially when it comes to those people I care for. Who are those people anyway, you might ask. Do I really care for someone? No, no. Not Keiichi. I care for him in a different way. Only in a friendly way.

"Hi, Seishirou-san! Hi to you too, Fuuma-kun," says someone.

Fuuma. My whole body freezes.

"He's here, Kamui," Keiichi whispers to my ears.

Yes he is. And he's just inches away from me.

"Oh, hi," Fuuma greets back.

That voice… is his voice. So cold yet so heart-piercing. I tilt my head to look at him. He is smiling at everyone. Except at me. It makes me upset. Why?

… Fuuma. He is Monou Fuuma and he's almost one year older than I am. He is the most attractive person here in the campus. He is cool, at the same time a hottie. Haha. Did I just mention the word "hottie"? It's not like me, ne? Sorry, I was just carried away.

"Adorable as always," somebody tells Fuuma.

Yes he is. That's why everybody wants to get in his baggy pants. Male or female. I did say everybody. And yes, I admit. Including myself. I want him. Just like the way everybody does. I actually fantasize about him. And that is my and everyone else's limit. We can only dream about being with him. Because Seishirou won't even let us lay a finger on Fuuma. If ever someone will, he or she will die immediately.

No. I'm not exaggerating. He'll kill us if we dare to do that. With those weird swirling Sakura petals behind him, he will kill us. Everyone is afraid of him and he's not even a student here but he can go in and out as he pleases. Damn him.

All we know about him is that Fuuma is his. He is Fuuma's owner. He is Fuuma's, too.

"Come on, Fuuma-kun. They are already too pleasured to see you," Seishirou tells Fuuma in a very... erotic way.

Sakurazuka Seishirou… He is attractive, too. Very, to say at the least. He is charming and as far as the hearsays and I are concerned, Fuuma got attracted to Seishirou first. Then Seishirou thought that Fuuma's lovely and that he should have him. Then they fell madly deeply in love with each other and lived happily every after. Or so I thought. Their "love team" became a campus figure. They are very popular. They are equally fierce. Everyone wants to be with them. Either of them. But I want…

"Hey, he's staring at you," Keiichi whispers to me.

Is he?

I steal a glance at Fuuma once again. This time, he is smiling seductively at his lover.

Keiichi has just fooled me. I thought what he said was true. I want to cough.

"I was saying the truth, Kamui! He was staring at you while you were lost in your thoughts!"

"Curse you, Keiichi," I whisper back at him.

"He was! Those golden eyes were glued at your snowy cheeks! Believe me!" He says frantically.

_Snowy cheeks your face, Keiichi, _I murmur mentally.

Heaven if that's true. But I know it isn't. Now Keiichi's the one daydreaming.

I take a glimpse at Fuuma once again. I'm disappointed. As always. He is now walking away with Seishirou's appealing existence. They both look so contented with each other's presence. I want to kill Seishirou. He takes Fuuma away from everyone. Away from me.

"Oh away he goes… He's gone again." Keiichi tells me. Or perhaps he is saying that to all those students who want Fuuma in their arms. Crap. No one else can have him now. He's obviously taken. By Seishirou. But I know that if ever he is still single, he wouldn't notice me anyway. I'm as good as a dust. Dust is better than I am? Oh yeah. A person would get the dust away from his eyes since it's dirty. But as for me, I suppose no one will notice my dirt.

"There's no reason for us to stay here. He's already out of sight," I tell Keiichi bluntly.

"Riiiight…" is the only response I get from him.

I've gotten used to watching Fuuma's back while he is walking away. Those broad shoulders that I dreamt about last night. And prayed that I could lick it or kiss it. Either way I'll be very much contented.

I admit that I have already mastered the art of torturing myself whenever I'm gluing my eyes at Fuuma while he is with Seishirou. It really is a hopeless case. You can't see Fuuma without Seishirou. It's very pathetic. He's like Seishirou's dog. An expensive and beautiful one. I guess it's wrong to compare the love of my life to a dog. But this is me. A foolish admirer who knows that my chances are close to nothing. No one really gives a damn about my feelings.

"I care… Don't you believe me?" Subaru tells me. He is my roommate here in the apartment I'm living in.

"Tell me what's wrong," he says this crap every single night.

"Can't you see, everything's wrong!" I cry on his shoulders once again.

Just for the record, this would be the gazillionth tear I've shed.

"I know you get this a lot. But tell me what's bothering you right now," he pleads.

"You give me that a lot! Shut up, Subaru!"

I want to hurt Subaru's feelings. I want to because I want him to stop distressing me.

"Can't you see I love you?" he says for the fifth time tonight.

It's futile. I won't be able to love him back. He's special. I'm aware of that for a very long time already. But I don't love him. I tried once but it just didn't work.

"Love… what's with that…" I whisper with a little sob.

"Love! I love you, Kamui! Why can't you love me back! Is it difficult to love a person like me! I want you! You've been tempting me for a long while now!"

I'm not tempting Subaru. He's inventing sentences.

"I can't love you… why… because I'm not right for you. You are special. And I'm nothing."

I can't bear to tell him now that I want someone else.

"No, no… Kamui… Come here… Kiss me…"

The first time I kissed Subaru was last month. But I felt nothing. I kissed him because I want to discover if there would be a change once I do that. At the same time, he asked me to try it. The kiss was long. But it was not even close to what I was expecting. In my thoughts, I thought kissing someone would be exciting, passionate, and hot. But I felt nothing like that when I kissed Subaru's mouth. I just felt his warm saliva on my lips. After that, nothing about us changed.

"No… I'm not as stupid as before to do that again… Let's just accept the truth."

"What truth?" He asks me with sincere eyes. Those emerald eyes that I put some tears with using only my words. He's the owner of those eyes. And I'm the owner of those harsh words.

"I love somebody else… I want him, all this time… though it's hopeless."

There, I finally said it.

"Who! Segawa! DAMMIT!" he says, almost shouting. I'm always frightened whenever he does that. I've never seen him this angry before. He has always been so gentle. Now I made him angry. I'm so... yes, stupid.

"No, Subaru, no! Not him! You don't get my point here!" I shout back at him. I raised my voice at him… again.

"DAMN IT ALL! Now who the hell is this person, may I know?"

Yes. Damn it all. It's useless to say who this person is since he doesn't even know my name anyway.

I become silent. I don't want him to know about my feelings for a person who doesn't really give a damn about me. Subaru will just make a mess out of it again.

Realizing that I am now quiet, or should I say very upset, Subaru starts caressing my hair gently, "See… I'm sorry, Kamui, I didn't mean to scare you… I just…"

"It's okay, Subaru… please… just understand…"

He slowly leans forward. Gives my pale cheek a peck. I nod. I couldn't kiss his cheek back. Not something I would do. Now this is weird. He's kissing my neck now.

"Stop it! I thought you understood me!" I yell while pushing his head away from me. I don't want this to go far. I'm reserving the only "thing" I have for the person I love. Now you have an idea that I will never be able to give that "thing" away.

The next morning, in campus, it is like every other ordinary day. The blowing wind is cold. The chirping of the birds is like music to my ears. I wish my life is like the bird's. Fly. Chirp. Eat. Can they love? I wish they can because I can't live without love. Haha. I wish there's a bird version of Fuuma. No, no, no Seishirou. Just… Fuuma and myself. It's very impossible for me to have him. But then, I can always dream and imagine.

"Ah… gentleman… excuse me," someone says.

Hmm. Gentleman. That word doesn't really fit me. Maybe the other meaning of it. But does that word have another meaning? Crap.

"Y-yes…?" I tilt my head a bit to see the owner of the voice. The voice that seems very… familiar to my ears… could it possibly be…

"Have you seen Seishirou around?"

Fuuma. Monou Fuuma. The person whom I blindly admire and love. Is standing right in front of me now.

"Umm… I suppose you didn't." He turns his back. No. Not now. Please not now.

"W- WAIT!" I try to call him back, "I think he is-"

"Right here, Fuuma-kun, my precious." I now see a figure of someone walking from the bushes. How dramatic.

"Oh, there you are. I thought you were up to something else again, Seishirou," Fuuma says. Then, he walks away from me. Not even looking back. He kisses Seishirou's lips. Witnessing something like that pierces my weak heart. Then, they both fade away.

"Wait… Fuuma…" I whisper to no one.

This morning… is one of the happiest mornings I've ever had… yet, it's disappointing. Fuuma. He noticed me. But just for a second. But… I'm still happy about it. I have nothing more to ask for.

""

Tsuzuku.


	2. Change

Teenage Dirtbag

Part Two- Change

AN: This chapter is entirely for Phoenix-san. Thanks for the review. :D You just don't know how much you've inspired me to continue this fanfic. Domo arigatou! Hope you like this one.

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_"Have you seen Seishirou around?"_

That question keeps on playing inside my mind. No. Not really the words but the voice of the one who said it.

_"Have you seen Seishirou around?"_

Again. The deep and icy voice of the one who said it keeps on rewinding itself in my brain.

"Have you seen Kamui around?"

Haha. I really hope that someday, he'll ask something like that with my name on it. Instead of Seishirou's.

My mother died several years ago. Does someone care enough to listen? Okay. Since then, I've become cynical. Half cynical I think. Because I still believe in love. Wait. I don't totally believe in it, because I'm always unfortunate when it comes to things which involve love. But I really believe in love, because of Monou Fuuma.

Perhaps I'm a masochist. Why? Because if I'm not, I will never be happy. I abuse my eyes. My heart. My feelings. My whole individuality. When I'm thinking about Fuuma.

I wonder if that certain moment will ever happen again. Monou Fuuma standing right in front of me. Fuuma looking at me. He… talking to me. There's no one else around us. Just the two of us.

"Kamui, can we talk?" Subaru enters my small room.

"What do you want?" I ask him with a slight sound of coldness in my voice. I'm not even bothering myself to look at him. Because I know it might just bring us to something else again.

"I… I'm sorry about last night…," he says with a ghostly voice.

I know Subaru is sincere whenever he says sorry. But that isn't enough reason for me to return his feelings. I'm just really wishing that he would find someone else. Someone who will love him for the rest of his life. I know, Subaru is worthy of all the love in the world. That is why I can't love him back. Because I have nothing of worth to give him. Because I, myself, am nothing.

"Forget about that crap. I don't even have the time to think about it," I tell him in a dull voice.

"Crap? You call that 'crap'!? I've just revealed to you the love that I have for you! Don't you know it takes time to realize a feeling so strong as that! And then you'll just call that crap!?"

No, Subaru. You didn't reveal it. You've just repeated it.

Still, I become a bit a guilty.

"Subaru, I'm sorry if you think that the term I used was too harsh. I didn't mean to----"

Subaru has now calmed down a bit, "Kamui… please… give me a chance. I promise you! You'll never regret accepting my love for you! And you'll never regret loving me back…"

"Stop it! I'm tired of dealing with you about that stuff! For the last time, let me tell you that I don't love you the way you want me to! You don't stand a chance! Leave me alone! I don't need you!"

That's probably the longest sentence I've said for this day because I got too busy repeating in my thoughts that certain scenario that happened a while ago. With Fuuma… how I wish I could be with him.

"Why… you've hurt me a lot…, Kamui. When you mean the whole world to me…"

Suddenly, it feels as though something has just hit my head. I mean the whole world to Subaru? But I'm nothing… I'm worthless. Why, Subaru? How can you say those words…?

Slowly, I look at him with blurry eyes, "See… I'm sorry if I've hurt you. Please, leave. Leave me for now."

"Fine…," Subaru sure is tired by now. But he just won't give up. I'm tired.

Fuuma… How I wish that those words Subaru has said were from you…

"WHAAAAAAT?!?!?" Keiichi shrieks, "MONOU-SAN!?! He--- he---"

Because Keiichi is screaming as if there's an earthquake, some students start to glare at us. They are glaring at us because of the mention of Fuuma's surname. But without the word "Monou", they will pay no attention to us. See, that's how popular Fuuma is in this entire school.

I tap his shoulder, I'm a bit embarrassed with the way he's acting right now.

"Sssshhh!!! Can't you even speak a little softer?"

Keiichi's our class president. But he acts as if he's not. He's in that position not because he's famous in our class. He became the class president because he is smart. And well, smart isn't cool here, you know. Smart guys are considered nerds. So our classmates elected Keiichi in that position without even thinking if he can manage or not. They just really don't care. It's a good thing though because Keiichi's a really bright guy. But then, aside from me, who else gives a damn about it?

With his puppy eyes, he asks once more, "But! Seriously? Kamui! Did he really…?"

"Yes."

"CONGRATULATIONS, KAMUI-CHAN!!! So when is the party???" he asks joyfully with this really big stupid grin on his face,

"Shut up." I don't know if Keiichi really *is* glad about it or he's just subtly insulting me.

"How many words did he say?! What are those words?? Was his voice high-pitched or deep when he talked to you that time?! What parts of your body did he stare at when you were in front of him??"

First, he spoke a total of twelve words.

Second, he said: Gentleman, excuse, me, have, you, seen… Yes, you get the picture.

Next, his voice was deep like always.

Lastly, he… He didn't even look at me. Well, he *did* see my back. But aside from that… nothing else… He did not even look me at my eyes. Dammit.

"Speak up, Kamui-chan!," Keiichi pats my back.

"Kamui… -_chan_…?" What's with that name Keiichi has just called me?

"Yup! Kamui-chan! Let's say… it could be our term of endearment! Haha!" Keiichi is now laughing foolishly.

And I find that unfunny.

"Don't you even dare call me *that* again," I warn Keiichi, a bit heartlessly.

"Just kidding! See! I'm very happy for you! After centuries, Monou-san has finally talked to you! You sure are one lucky guy, aren't you?!" Keiichi, as always, announces to the whole world _genki_ly. I have never met anyone as cheerful as him in my life. He's unique…

Unique. I can say everybody is unique. Everyone has something in him that makes him so special.

"You are special, Kamui-chan," my best-friend Kotori once told me.

Kotori… She was my ex-girlfriend. And she's dead. I've already forgotten all about her and my feelings for her. Maybe I didn't really love her enough.

Kotori. Mother. Aunt Tokiko. Aunt Saya. All the ladies in my life have seemed to vanish one by one. They were the ones who truly loved me. That's why I'm very much afraid to be loved. Because there is something that can make them disappear, too… One day. I just know it.

I'm afraid for Subaru. I'm afraid for Keiichi. I suppose that's the reason why I can't love them back the way they love me.

But Fuuma… I can't be afraid for him. Because there's nothing going on between the two of us that I should be afraid of. So Fuuma not noticing me at all is a good thing. Great.

"Ei! Kamui! Let's change topic even though I know you still don't want to," Keiichi giggles naughtily.

Huh. How did he know? Is it very obvious already that I still want to talk about Fuuma?

"What topic? Make sure I'll find that important enough or else you'll find me whacking you."

"Is that a joke?! Great! Now you can pull out a joke! Thanks to Monou-san! Hahaha!"

"That's not a joke."

"Anyway… there's an audition going on for our school festival. I think there's going to be a school play."

Who cares? Like I care.

"Umm… No response, Kamui?"

How can Keiichi even imagine me being interested in stuffs such as the school festival?

I just give him an uninterested sigh, "I don't give a damn about that thing you are trying to say."

"Even if I'll say that Monou-san is the lead character?," Keiichi teases. And that instantly catches my attention.

I look at him directly into the eyes. Some say that the eyes are the mirrors to one's soul, right? I want to find out if what he's saying is true, or if he's just pulling some pranks on me.

"Fuuma?" I ask with my eyes a bit widened.

"Yup! You've heard that right! They're looking for his love-interest in the story!"

I'm now very interested, "Can't they have Seishirou for that role? Heck, they can ask Seishirou even though he doesn't study here."

"If they can then they will, believe me! But in the story, the role that they are currently looking for an actor is a pale guy, with innocent eyes, and thin body frame that can be dominated over by anyone. See! Seishirou's just not the type!"

"Really? I mean… are you serious?"

"Yeah! I wouldn't waste my saliva telling you that if it's not true, you know!" Keiichi smiles at me, while teasing me a little. I think he has already noticed that I'm quite, or should I say very, interested about what he's saying.

"Well, if you are not interested at all, I will now fly out merrily and inform about it to someone else!"

"No! Please! Tell me everything about it!" I beg Keiichi. This would be the first time I'll ever beg of him.

"Aha… Now I see! Monou-san *is* really your weak point!" He's grinning. I know something is going on his mind. Well, whatever that is, I don't care. All I care about right now is *that* role.

"Well… The story of the play is about two brothers. The older one, who's going to be played by Monou-san, fell madly deeply in love with his younger brother, whom we don't know who's going to get the role just yet! The story is called '_Verboten Love_'! Believe me! I've read the script and I found it very tragic and angst-driven! It's a really weird story!"

"How were you able to put your hands on that script?" I ask him since I think it's quite impossible for Keiichi to be involved with… fun and interesting things such as the school play. Or so I thought it was.

"I'm a homeroom officer, remember? Even though I'm damn nothing in those rascals' eyes, I have some authority!," he boasts.

I just nod, "Right…"

"So! What do you think? Are you going to audition anyway?"

I pause for a second. I don't think I can do it. See. They will just ignore me. I'm not popular. I have no talent. And I'm very timid. Everyone's just going to send me out. Crap. Now this is bothering me. What…

I slowly shake my head, "No… I can't do it…"

I know I can't. I have no time to fool around, encouraging myself that I can do it. I know I'm stupid enough. But still…

"WHAT!?! ARE YOU CRAZY!?! This is the chance to get close to that Fuuma! Can't you imagine it?! See! You'll rehearse with him four hours a day! That means, you'll be able to talk with him! You'll be sharing intimate scenes with him! Lucky you if he gets carried away! Kamui! You're perfect for the role! Large amethyst eyes and all! White fragile skin! GODDAMNIT! You're completely fitting for that role! Trust me!"

"I just… don't stand a chance."

"It's time to change! We'll never know unless you try! Time to show them what you have! This time, I'll be asking you to change! Not for me but for that godforsaken love of your life! Kamui! Don't you realize!? It's now or never!" Keiichi says, almost shaking me out of my wits.

Now… or never…?

"You're not doing this for fame! You're doing this for HIM!!! HIM!!! JUST FOR HIM!!!!! Kamui! If you'll not audition, you'll drive me insane!!!!"

For… him… just him. Do I have the courage that I'm sure I'll be needing? Keiichi's right. This is now or never. If I'll not do this, I'll regret this for the rest of my life.

"KAMUI!!!! I'll support you! Promise! I'll stand by your side!! AUDITION PLEASSSSSEE!!!!" Keiichi is now begging on his knees while looking at me with his puppy eyes.

Why is Keiichi very eager in pushing me into this? Is he up to something?

"I'm doing this for you! I'm your friend, I love you, and I want you to be happy! I know you're not getting the love you really want from me! That's why I want to find it and bring it to you personally! You want Fuuma sincerely, right? Let's get him!"

Keiichi. He always has a point. And unlike Subaru, he understands me better. I'm not saying that Subaru can't understand me. I mean, Keiichi is Keiichi.

"So… After my begging and nagging and everything… Are you able to make up your mind? Kamui?"

"Okay."

He shuts up for a while. Maybe contemplating on what I have just said.

Then he blinks twice, "What do you mean… 'okay'?"

"I'll audition."

Long pause. Breathe. Both of us try to breathe in some fresh air after that long pause. Until…

"HOORAY!!!!!! THAT'S THE _BESTEST_ DECISION I'VE EVER HEARED FROM YOU, KAMUI-CHAAAAAN!!!!"

I smile a bit. Just a bit, "Can you cut the '_Kamui-chan_' part? Please…?"

Keiichi's smile widens some more. And then he gives me a warm hug.

"Whoa! All right! Your wish is my command!"

I notice that with the way Keiichi's screaming right now, he's very happy about my decision. I'm glad because in spite of me being useless, I am still able to make my friend happy. Maybe I'm… changing. Changing for the better. And this is because of Keiichi's company.

All of a sudden, Keiichi puts his arms around me, "Come on! Let's go there right now! Pray that those who know about it are still few!"

Is this me? I'll fall in line, hoping that I will have that role? I smile secretly.

But… what if I don't get the role? I know my whole heart will be broken. And I'll be broken for the rest of my life.

"Don't forget that in order to succeed, you have to be optimistic!" Keiichi reminds me once again.

Perhaps, that's the best thing to do. But what if Fuuma will not choose me?

There's a huge possibility since----

"Stop the '_what ifs_' I'm hearing from your mind! Let me inform you that Fuuma is just going to be there to observe! He won't be the one to choose who's going to get the role! The director will choose! So show 'em! Sweep off their feet!! Okay?"

I look at Keiichi. I'm deeply touched. He really is happy about this. Once I have the chance, I'll thank him with all my heart. But not now. Maybe some other time. I'm not good at expressing my gratitude. But I'm slowly trying to change.

"NEXT!!!" The director of the play shouts.

"Kamui! Wake up from your thoughts! You're next!"

Me? My goodness. Now I can feel my heart pounding very fast. Very loud.

"NEXT!!!" The director yells some more. She has been saying that for the twenty-third time since Keiichi and I arrived.

"WAIT A MINUTE!!! He's coming!" Keiichi shouts back for me. Then he points at this one direction. One direction that I think can blind me.

He then whispers to me, "There. You see him?"

Fuuma. With Seishirou. Who cares about Seishirou? I'm doing this for Fuuma alone. I don't care if that Seishirou will think of me as a "_daredevil_."

"Yes…" I whisper back to Keiichi. Then he gives me a gentle smile.

"He's watching…! Break a leg!"

"T--- thanks…"

"Now, go…!"

With my heart thumping very intensely, I head toward the director. I wonder if Fuuma's observing me. How I wish he is.

This is for Fuuma…. my happiness…

Fuuma.

Tsuzuku.


	3. Strive

Teenage Dirtbag

Part Three- Strive

AN: This is for Fanny chan! Yes, there's a continuation! And here it is! I hope you enjoy! I'm already in vacation! Yay! :D

* * *

"Your name?"

"Shirou Kamui."

"Age?"

"Sixteen."

"Hmmm…"

Once more, the director carefully examines me as if she's not a director but a doctor. She has been staring at me from head to toe for about three times now ever since I stood here in front of her. I'm so nervous. I think she can't see in me what she's really looking for or that certain something she's expecting to see. Now my fingers are shaking uncontrollably. My lips are trembling. I'm sure Keiichi notices that something is wrong with me. Whew.

"What club are you in?"

"I… I have no club…"

"I see… Well, do you have any experience in performing on stage?"

"This is my first time…"

"Ahh… First time to audition also?"

I nod, "Yes…"

She is looking at me with burning curiosity. I can feel it. And she's probably saying at the back of her head something like, "_What the hell does this guy wants? He has nothing good to say about himself. And no experience_!"

"Hmm… you are perfect for the role," she says while raising an eyebrow, "scrawny body, pale skin, large violet eyes and long noticeable eyelashes. Oh, and thin lips, too!"

Upon hearing that, it seems as though I suddenly see a light of hope flickering brightly in front of me. Maybe I still have a chance after all. Yes… I'm hoping that I really do stand a chance.

"Thank you…"

"But it's not just the physical appearance we are looking for. One's acting skill is the most important part here. Yeah, it would be great if you have the looks but we're not only after that. Can you act?"

"I think so… And I also believe that practice makes perfect."

The director gazes sharply at me. Perhaps I've caught her attention with what I have just said.

"I like your attitude, boy! So… why are you auditioning? Do you want to be a stage actor in the near future?" she asks me. This is kind of silly. She's like interviewing a kid enrolling for nursery school.

"No… I don't have any plans of being a stage performer."

"So why are you here?"

"Personal reasons," I answer, almost whispering.

She smiles at me without asking anything in addition. I think I'm starting to like her and I somewhat feel comfortable already with her interviewing me. Oh wait, I forget about the others.

I steal a glance at Fuuma. He's having a conversation with Seishirou. It's okay. At least he's not seeing me trembling endlessly. I don't want him to think that I'm nervous. Yes. I have a self-esteem problem but I don't want Fuuma to notice that. That's a minus point, if you know what I mean.

I transfer my gaze toward Keiichi. He's looking at me, smiling. His eyes are glittering. He's already giving me the encouragement that I need only with that look in his eyes. I can also see that his cheeks are blushing a little bit. It makes me realize that Keiichi's kind of cute. Haha. I'm sure he'll jump with joy if ever I'll tell him these observations of mine.

"Okay. So do you know the story?" The director starts asking me again.

"I know a little about it. I'd be very glad if you'll inform me more about it, ma'am."

"Well, the name of the character you are auditioning for is Tsuki. He is the younger brother of Asahi, which will be played by Monou-kun. I suppose you already know that the title is '_Verboten Love_', ne? "

"Yes."

"So, Asahi is totally obsessed with his younger brother, which is yes, very peculiar. Tsuki, meanwhile feels that it's so wrong that's why he is avoiding his brother."

With innocent eyes, I ask, "Does he love Asahi?"

"Yes! That's why he is avoiding him because he doesn't want his brother committing a sin."

"I see…"

Maybe if I'm Tsuki, I'll do the same thing. I can't really relate to it but I think it's the best thing to do, no?

"All right. We'll try to do a short scene and from there I will decide if you're fit for the role."

Do… a short… scene…? Wait. I gulp. Does that mean… Oh my… I don't want to expect something that great already but… Hold on. Now instead of my heart beating hastily, I think it has stopped beating already.

"Monou-kun! I'm sorry but can you come in here again?"

I freeze. She called whom to what? My sweats are becoming cold now. I can't move even just a bit. I can't bring myself to… look at Fuuma.

"Sure, why not. What am I to do?" he says while standing from his seat and fixing that beautiful silk which is wrapped around his body. Now how I wish I were just a cloth that Fuuma wears. Damn. I'm very desperate to get close to him. And I do mean very.

"You have to do a short scene with Shirou-kun."

I blink. _Short_? If I'm with Fuuma, I don't care if I have to try doing a scene for the rest of my life. As long as I can be with him, I'm the happiest person alive. I swear.

"Shirou-kun, huh?" Seishirou says with a smile. But it really looks like a smirk to me.

"That's… me…" I say while trying my very best to face my rival. Ah, he can't really be called "my rival" because he's not fighting me for Fuuma. For Fuuma is already his.

"I kind of don't care about whatever your name is. And I'm not asking," he says with an obvious tone of sarcasm.

I hate him. I really do. Who doesn't? He owns Fuuma and he's so despicable. Oh well, maybe I'm the only one thinking ill of him. Everybody *loves* him. Crap.

"Oh… sorry…," I whisper before gulping thickly.

He stands up as well and both of them are now walking toward us. If only I have the power, I'll erase Seishirou's presence on this world! But pathetic because I don't have such power.

"I like this guy! I tell you, Monou-kun!" the director says kind-heartedly. And that's a relief for me. I feel really glad about it. Now the flickering light in front of me glows more with enthusiasm.

"Really. You've never said that for hours. What do you mean you like him?" Fuuma asks.

I gulp again. I take a quick look at the director.

"He's perfect for the character!"

"I see. So is he qualified?"

"That's what we are about to find out and that's why we'll try doing a short scene."

"Won't you be able to see if he has talent whatsoever even without having to do a scene with Fuuma? I think what you are up to is already on a different level. And well, he still doesn't have the role, does he?" Seishirou opposes elegantly.

Fuuma smiles at him seductively, "Overprotective, huh?"

"Shut up, you."

Fuuma presses a soft kiss on Seishirou's neck. I stand still. I envy him *so*much. I know it's wrong but… he owns Fuuma! Have I mentioned that he owns Fuuma? So you can't blame me.

Keiichi comes to me then starts whispering something to my ear, but he's full of excitement so it doesn't seem anymore that he's whispering, "Shoot! My holiness! This is really happening! Give your best shot! This is the only opportunity you have and you shall NEVER EVER let it slip away!"

Don't worry, Keiichi. I won't.

"Okay. But first, let me know him," Fuuma says. Now I'm blushing. This is pathetic. I'm blushing like a girl in a _shoujo_ _manga_ or whatever. I can't think straight. Some angels in heaven, please help me.

"All right. I'll give you five minutes then we'll try to do the scene, okay?" the director tells Fuuma in response.

Five minutes? Crap. That's too short for him to get to know me. Oh. Am I asking too much now? I think I should not get my hopes up too high because there's still a possibility that I might not pass this audition. But I really hope I will.

"So… the director likes you, huh? Have I seen you before?" Fuuma says while walking closer to me.

Yes. He is walking closer to me. Fuuma. At last.

I gulp for the thousandth time now. I try to open my mouth and speak out some words. But I just can't. Not a single sound would come out. I can't even release some air. I want to cry. I want to embrace him and tell him how happy I am right now. Right now that he's finally close to me. Looking at me. Talking to me.

This is it.

What I experienced with him yesterday was already too much for me.

But look at this. I thought I will never experience this.

This is real, isn't this?

If this is a dream, let me not wake up. Let me feel this.

But this is real.

I can die happily now.

"No, you can't. There's going to be so much more after this," my inner self tells me.

Really? Then I won't.

"Umm… Hello? I'm talking to you, yoy know."

Ah. Someone has pushed my back softly.

"Hey, Mr. Lucky Guy! You're love has been talking to you if you haven't noticed it yet." I believe Keiichi's the one saying that directly into my ears.

"I--- I'm sorry… I… You see… I… Oh wait," I stutter while trying to breathe. Then I turn my back and hold onto my chest. My eyes, I believe, are already bulging out because of this unexpected encounter.

Kamui! Are you nuts!? You've been waiting all your damned life to get noticed by Fuuma and talk to him! And right now, look at yourself! What are you trying to do? Faint?

You can always faint later! But not now!

"Hey… what has gotten into you?" I'm sure it's Fuuma speaking.

I quickly turn to face him again. My eyes are kind of watery now but I don't care.

"I'm sorry! Listen! I want you to know that -----" I… am about to confess what I feel for him, or something like that, but someone suddenly interrupts me, albeit unintentionally.

"Okay, I've found a good part. Let's try this. Monou-kun, Shirou-kun, come here and read these lines. I'll not teach you how to act this. I want you two to act spontaneously," the director tells us her instructions.

I was interrupted. But I think it's a blessing from heaven. I almost forgot about Seishirou. He has been observing me ever since the director said she likes me. I think he has a bad feeling about me. He probably has already noticed that I have "a thing" for Fuuma. Yeah, right. I know he'll kill me once he hears me saying that. And as you know it, I shall not die yet.

"Okay, madam," Fuuma replies.

I nod gently in response. And then Fuuma heads toward the director. I'm watching him until it comes to my senses that I shall go there, too. I'm at a loss. I am.

"So, okay! Can you do it?" she asks excitedly.

"Of course. There's nothing that I can't do," Fuuma answers, obviously teasing her. Dammit, why so lovely.

"Very optimistic, ne, Monou-kun?" the director teases back.

I think I saw Seishirou giving her a sharp evil look. And he has managed to scare her a bit. If he can do that to a director, he can do that to me. And he might even do something scarier since I am but nothing. He can kill me right away.

The director starts acting as if nothing happened, "O--- Okay. What about you, Shirou-kun? Do you think you can try doing it right away even though this is your first time to audition for a play in your whole entire life?"

"I will try to do my best," I answer softly. I know I don't have the guts to announce to everybody that I can. So if ever I fail, I won't feel so embarrassed.

But I believe I will not fail.

Suddenly, Seishirou comes to me and puts his lips near my ears. I thought he's trying to cut my ears but so far he hasn't. Instead, he hisses to me these few words with a deep scary voice that brings chills crawling down my spines, "Know your limitation, boy, or die."

My eyes widen. Then I try to ignore it by blinking twice. Not effective.

"Okay, let's start," the director announces. Seishirou smiles sweetly then moves back. Now he's just a few inches away from where Keiichi is standing and watching. He has a pleasant smile but I'm sure there's abhorrence in it. He's still gazing at me. Making my sweat crawl down faster.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1. ACTION!"

"I love you! Stop avoiding me! It torments me!" Fuuma says with a loud and commanding voice while gripping my wrist. He's acting right now. Don't get him wrong.

"Tsuki, nobody should own you but me!" he continues.

I'm staring at his eyes and he's staring back at mine. Supposedly, it's still a part of the story or the script or whatever.

Fuuma. I love you, too.

"Tell me you love me, too!" He roars with force. Acting force, that is.

I love you so much. You just don't know it.

This is my time to act; I look at him, Asahi, with bitterness, "_Nii-san_! You know I love you!"

"Then why!?!"

"What why!?," I cry out a little louder.

"Why are you pulling yourself away from me!?!" he delivers the script intensely. As if he's saying his real feelings.

"Because you are impossible! You love me in a different way which is just so wrong!"

"Nothing's wrong when you're in love!" He holds onto my wrist tighter. I don't want him to take his hand away. This is really beyond my expectations. This only happens in my dreams. But look.

He moves his face closer to mine. I swallow hard. I'm very stiff right now. Just one inch and I can forget about everybody in here. Except for Fuuma.

"Tell me you love no one but me." I can feel his breath on my lips. I take a look at his open mouth. I want to kiss it. But I shall not.

"_Nii-san_… No…" I still manage to say my lines. I speak with emptiness. I just think about how lonely my life has been and it really helps a lot. Then, following what the story says, I burst into tears.

"I love you, _nii-san_! You just can't understand me!"

Fuuma grabs my neck then narrows his gaze, "I'll kill him!"

I gasp, that's still a part of the story, "No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

With all my strength, I embrace him, "Please… stop this…"

That's what the script says, but actually, I want to say the opposite.

"Tsuki…"

I hold onto him tighter. I can feel his warm body. I don't want this to end. I start clinging to his neck, pulling him closer to me. Pretending I don't know that Seishirou's watching us. I can feel my tears crawling down my face continuously. I want to tell him I love him.

"I love you….. Fu---- ah! _Nii-san_…" Good thing it was a whisper so the director didn't hear it.

All I want is to feel this way. I rest my body on his. Until…

"CUT!!" the director shouts.

Fuuma stops. I stop, even though I don't want to. He pulls himself away from me. I have no choice but to let him go. I blink. I look at the director. Her smile is shining.

"Very good! Bravo!" She claps her hands. I look at Keiichi. He's smiling very happily, too. With that, I assure my self that I have given my best shot. Honestly, I was… carried away.

"Goddammit!," the director walks closer to us, "you were excellent, Shirou-kun!"

I'm speechless. Everything happened so quickly. I don't know what to say.

"Honestly, that was really cool!" Fuuma comments. But for me, it was warm.

"KAMUI!!! YOU'RE GREAT!!!" Keiichi yells to me.

"Thank you…" It's all I can say right now.

The director faces everybody, "Hey, guys! It's time to wrap the audition up!"

Wha--- What does that mean?

"I've already found the right one! We're done!" she says merrily.

Is this… true…? Does she mean… me…?

I gulp yet again.

"EEEEHHH?????" is the only reaction I see from Keiichi.

Then, the director faces me, "The role is yours, Shirou-kun."

I stand motionless for a while. I try to blink and gulp at the same time.

"Oh," Fuuma smiles.

"YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!" Keiichi screams. He's very happy. He's dancing with joy. He's funny. I let out a small laugh. Not because of Keiichi. I was able to let out a small laugh because… of this.

"Thank you," I'm finally able to say something.

I didn't really expect myself to get the role. I want it but I was not expecting. All I want to do now is to jump or collapse. I'm very, very happy.

"So! We'll meet each other again tomorrow! Thank you, Shirou-kun! Thanks to all those who tried to audition! We're sorry but there's always a next time!" The director tells everyone merrily.

"CONGRATULATIONS, KAMUIIIIIII!!!" Keiichi runs to me then he throws me a hug.

"I was able to do this because of your encouragement, Keiichi. Thank you so much."

"It's nothing! I'm so proud of you!!!!!!"

I take a glimpse at Fuuma. He's getting ready to go. Seishirou is stroking his hair. I smile with distress.

"Kamui!!! THIS IS VERY GREAT!!!!"

I try to observe everybody inside the room. Everyone is tired working by now. Until this guy catches my attention… or is he really a "he"? He looks like a girl. He has white hair. And… he looks upset. As if the whole world has just fallen on his shoulders. I wonder if what his problem is.

I look back. Fuuma is not there anymore. I'm not really disappointed because I know I can see him again tomorrow. Yes.

"Who is he? Or… she? I don't have an idea," I ask Keiichi while pointing at the pale guy, or girl.

"Let's refer to him as a guy, 'kay? Well… I don't know him. I think I've never seen him before. What's with him? Did you suddenly have a teeny-weeny crush on him?"

"Just because we're happy doesn't mean you can already annoy me like that," I tell Keiichi in a monotonous voice.

"Hey, hey! Just kidding! I know that Fuuma's the only person whom your eyes can see! Haha! Oh well, let's go to that guy if you feel that your curiosity is killing you. "

So we go to the… um, guy. I stare at him for a couple of seconds and I find him he looking very sad. I can see myself in him. We're somehow alike I think.

"I'm sorry… can I do something to help you? I'm Shirou Kamui. Who are you?"

"Nataku."

"Is something the matter?"

He stares directly into my eyes. I notice that his eyes are violet like mine. But a little darker. And like mine, his eyes are full of pain. Or so I thought.

"You. You are my problem."

"Huh?"

--

Tsuzuku.


	4. Absurd

Teenage Dirtbag

Part Four- Absurd

Disclaimer: X belongs to CLAMP-sama, AU, OOC~

* * *

He dislikes me. I can clearly feel it. But why?

"Heyyyy!!! What has Kamui done to you??? What do you mean by he's your problem? Is there something wrong with you? Look! He's just SUPER concerned about you even though he doesn't really know who you are and then you're saying that HE IS your problem?!? DUH!!"

It seems that what Nataku said has sunk in faster to Keiichi than to me.

"Keiichi, let me hear him out first."

"But this is pathetic!"

I look at Nataku. He is still glaring at me… hard, "Why did you say so?"

"Because you are."

"What have I done to you?" I'm confused. As far as I can remember, I've never done anything to the extent that someone will get angry with me. Well, except Subaru. But that's another story."

"You've just done the cruelest thing on Earth," Nataku answers in a soft but seemingly very angry voice.

I blink, "What… do you mean? I don't really get what you're trying to say."

"Of course you won't because you're in cloud nine."

Now this is troubling me. I think he's holding a grudge against me. He's talking to me in a very hostile manner. Emotionless. And he wouldn't take away his fuming gaze at me. But tell me. What have I done? I really have no idea.

I swallow hard; I'm trying to be as rational as I can be right now. "I'm talking to you politely so please answer me politely. I have no idea about what you're talking about so please, I repeat, please tell me what the problem is. I want to know. What have I done to you? You know, this is the first time I've ever met you that's why I'm really confused."

"You, just like everyone else, took him away from me."

Without batting an eyelid, I ask him, "Who… 'him'?"

"Fuuma."

I give him my default reaction whenever I'm confused. I blink twice, "Fuu… ma…?"

"Yes. Fuuma," he says in a monotonous voice.

My eyebrows furrow, "What do I have to do with Fuuma?"

"Didn't you hear!?! You took him away from me! Damn you!" he shouts with so much hatred.

My eyes widen, "I didn't! Besides, he's not mine!"

"Yes he isn't yours but you still took him away…!"

I don't get it. I've never taken Fuuma away. As a matter of fact, I feel that Fuuma is being taken away from me all these times. I look at him, and then he's gone. I pray for him, but I'm not in his arms. I want him, but he can never be mine, not ever. So what the hell is this Nataku trying to say?

"Hey! Kamui's taking away no one!" Keiichi says to him. Now here goes Keiichi again. Saving me. Protecting me. He's such a true friend.

"WHY!?! WHY YOU!?!" Nataku screams with tears falling from his eyes.

Tears. I've shed so many tears. For mom. For Aunt Tokiko. For Aunt Saya. For Kotori. And… for Fuuma… But unlike the ladies, Fuuma has never tried to wipe my tears away. Of course, he won't. Yes, now he knows my name. But aside from that, there's… nothing. You see, I want to be close to him. Not just physically but… I want to be with him spiritually. I want him to know me the way no one else does. I want him to discover my inner being, the real me. I want to be a part of him and at the same time I want him to be a part of me. I want him to own me. Is it my fault that I fell so much in love with him?

"What do you mean…? Why me?" I ask Nataku in a calm voice. I don't want him to get angrier with me so I'm trying hard to be very calm. All I want to do now is to make everything clear.

Suddenly, his gaze at me becomes gentle. And now, it seems to me that he's very close to crying because his eyes have become watery. I can almost see the real Nataku in those eyes. But then, I've never known any Nataku.

"You… you were the reason I… I was ignored…," he says between sobs.

I place my hands on his back trying to calm him, rubbing it continuously.

"How come I'm the reason…?"

"I LOVE HIM, CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND!?" he unexpectedly reveals.

I swallow hard. That surprised me. My eyes are now fixed at him, and I'm unable to move.

"You love him….?"

I pause for a couple of second.

Then finish my sentence, "……too?"

He bows his head. Maybe he thinks that by doing that, he can hide his crystalline tears from me. But I can still see teardrops trickling down. So pure. Full of innocence. Unlike mine which are full of pain.

"I've been longing all my life to be with him even for just a short while… You see, I can't really understand my feelings but I feel so attracted to him, that it seems that I'd die if I'll not be able to see him! Laugh at me if you want. I understand if you don't get what I'm trying to say because I know it seems pointless. But I'm desperate. It seems that the world is punishing me. BUT I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG! Is loving Fuuma wrong?!? I can't understand… But this is me… a foolish being who knows that my chances are close to nothing…"

Wait. I have mentioned the same exact words, haven't I? Except that I said that I'm a foolish "admirer." While he said "being". Crap. That doesn't matter at all, does it?

"But I… I didn't know…," I don't know if what are the right words to say now.

"Of course you don't know. Perhaps, no one does. No one. Because no one knows me and no one gives a damn about me."

Listen to him. It's like… me, right? We talk in the same manner. And the words we use are almost identical, right?

Is it possible that… in a way, there is someone like me?

Or maybe… _weaker_ than I am?

I mean, is there someone as damned as me in this entire world?

I look at Keiichi. It looks like his first impression of Nataku and his attitude towards him have suddenly changed. From hostile, it turns into pity. I return my gaze at Nataku. Now I feel the same way as Keiichi.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…" I try my very best to comfort him.

"Wait, Kamui. Don't say sorry to him yet. You see, we still don't know if why he feels that way toward you. Yes, we know now that you both "love" Fuuma but that's not enough reason for him to hate you to the point that he's saying that you are his problem," Keiichi explains seriously.

Yes. Keiichi's totally serious about this, I think. For once, he's serious.

"Are you willing to waste your time listening to me?" Nataku asks in a soft voice.

I smile at him a little. Then I nod my head, "Yes, of course."

We head toward the campus' backyard in order to discuss this issue better. This place in the campus can almost be considered as my 'hang-out' whenever I'm with Keiichi during break time. Or oftentimes, when I'm alone thinking about Kotori. Her gentle face and the memories of her within me. It's really sad. But… ever since it came to my senses that I love Fuuma, I have moved on nevertheless.

"…She told me she likes me, that I have a chance! I was really expecting that I'm going to have the role until you came and butted in!" Nataku confesses. Dammit, he's angry again.

Wait. I did not go there just to butt in or something like that. I went there to audition, to get close to the person I love. Breathe, Kamui. Nataku must be in a very miserable state right now. I think I should try harder to understand him.

"Hey! Kamui didn't butt in! He did fall in line and waited to be called!" Keiichi tries to explain to Nataku.

Ah--- ohoho. Keiichi's very… laid-back. Despite this kind of _dramatic_ situation, he still manages to ease the tension with his naïve, cheerfully spoken words.

Nataku grits his teeth, "The director told me that I have a great potential to acquire the role. I was very happy when she told me those encouraging words such as I have the looks that they're looking for, the expression of my eyes, and all…! And I counted on those words! I fell in love with those praises that I already convinced myself that I'm going to have the role."

"She also told Kamui that, you know!"

Oh, Keiichi. You should shut up first.

Oh well, Nataku doesn't seem to have heard Keiichi.

"After that, she told me to wait for the results until tomorrow! But I didn't leave! I was waiting for her to tell me that exact moment that I'd be getting the role! I didn't want to wait for tomorrow anymore because I've already convinced myself that no one else will pass the audition but me!" he cries out like a child throwing out a tantrum.

"I see… now I understand…," I tell Nataku and to myself subconsciously.

"Everything was doing fine for me until…." Nataku sobs, "…..until you came….."

Now, I'm beginning to understand him. Like many other people, like me, he loves Fuuma.

He sobs for a minute then look directly in my eyes.

"You're lucky, aren't you?" Nataku asks me innocently.

Yes I know that I'm lucky. After what has happened to me a while ago with Fuuma, and that I have gotten the role, I know I must be the luckiest person alive. But… I can't say these words to Nataku. He'll feel more abandoned.

"What do you mean I'm lucky?" I ask him, trying to hide my happiness. Trying my best to pretend that I don't know what he's talking about.

"Despite the fact that you have gotten the role, you shared a very intimate moment with him…" he says while feigning a smile.

"Yes… but what are you trying to say?"

"I did my very best to act the scene that the director instructed me to. I poured all my emotion in it. I wasn't with Fuuma then. It was a monologue scene. If ever she told me to do the scene that you did with Fuuma, I'm pretty sure I'm the one rejoicing now."

I swallow hard. I think now I understand what he means and what he's trying to point out.

"Wait, wait. Now I understand. Maybe, right now, you are the director's second choice. I mean, if ever something bad happens to Kamui, and I wish nothing will, the director will contact you since you are originally her choice before Kamui came!" Keiichi explains hysterically.

"Yes." Nataku replies, then the sad and gentle look on his eyes suddenly becomes piercing.

Keiichi, curse you! Now I have a strong feeling that Nataku suddenly has gotten an idea on how to get the role. That narrow gaze, it gives me chills.

Will Nataku, a seemingly gentle and innocent being, go as far as "that" far just to be with Fuuma?

I know I should not quickly judge Nataku but I can't help but be scared. My lips have started to quiver and all I want to do now is to step back and run away. Why? Because I'm afraid of that gaze Nataku is gluing at me right now.

What should I do? Those eyes of Nataku are like stabbing my very existence. Like me, he's so desperate. He's like a Swiss Army knife. So small but can be used in various ways. Nataku is a gentle devil, I say.

"If… something bad will happen to Kamui…?" I can hear Nataku whispering under his breath.

Now this is getting dangerous.

I don't really care if he'll kill me (or something like that) just to get the role. But I… care for Nataku. He loves Fuuma that's why he'll do anything just to get close to him. I'm like him that's why I can understand him and I'm now concerned about his feelings.

I mean… I don't want Nataku to _dirty _his hands in order to be with Fuuma. I don't want him to commit a _sin_.

I pause for what it seems like an eternity. Then I try to collect all the energy inside my body to be able to talk again after that long contemplation I've just done.

I wet my tongue. Then gulp. Then face Nataku once more.

"Nataku… I understand you. I'm sure you have no idea but actually, we're almost the same. We lack attention and care from the people around us. We love someone who doesn't even know us. We dream of the same person every night… but the next day, when we wake up, we are hurt because we realize that we will never have him because he already has an owner."

I notice Keiichi is staring at me anxiously. He probably can't comprehend what I'm trying to say.

I clear my throat. Then smile in a manner I can't describe. I seem to be doing things unconsciously and I don't know why. It's like… something is forcing me to say and do what I say and do.

"Kamui…? What has gotten into you?" Keiichi worries, "You're talking… a little bit… out of character…?"

"No, Keiichi. I am not."

With what I have just said, I notice that Nataku's narrow gaze at me becomes innocent.

"Kamui-san…? What do you mean…?" he asks me.

"I've already gotten what I was asking for: to be close to him, to talk to him, and for him to look at my eyes. I think I've already had so much."

"Kamui!?!" Keiichi is now lost for words that all he can do now is say my name.

"I've made up my mind."

"Ah--- about what?!?" Keiichi cries out.

"I'll… quit."

"Quit what!?!"

"I'll give the role to Nataku."

I can see Keiichi's eyes widen in shock after hearing what I said.

"Kamui!!! Are you insane?! What the hell are you talking about!?!"

Nataku stares at me in awe, "are you… serious, Kamui-san?"

"Yes, I am," is what I said. But… am I really serious?

"Kamui! You are crazy! You've waited for so long to get close to him! And then--- and then---" Keiichi stammers.

"But I've already gotten close to him. I've already embraced him and I'm happy with that."

"But… you worked so hard to get that role…! And I know you want it!"

I close my eyes to contemplate on what Keiichi said. Yes, I know I want it. But like what I've said, I'm already happy with everything that has happened so far.

"And you can't do it just like that! I'm sure the director would be very disappointed!"

"Well, I'll tell her I can't do it."

"But she knows YOU CAN!"

"Then I'll show her I can't. That's easy. Or, I'll say I'll back out because…"

I look at Nataku. His face has no reaction whatsoever. Maybe he's taken aback by my decision.

"Because what!? Because you want to give way to Nataku?! Duh! You will ruin not just your dreams but also the whole play!"

"Didn't you hear? Nataku told us that the director likes him, too! And he could have had gotten the role if I didn't arrive! And you see, it was me who shattered Nataku's hopes and I shall pay for that!"

"No way! The role is destined for you because you are destined to be with Monou-san!"

I don't want to look at Keiichi right now. He's trying to change my decision and I know that soon, he might be able to convince me to take everything I've said back. But I don't want to.

Nataku gulps. Then let out an innocent pleasant smile, his eyes are gleaming, "I don't know what to say… Thank you…, Kamui-san…"

I'm very happy to see Nataku's pure smile. But half of myself is crying. Because I know, I can no longer be with Fuuma. I'll be back to normal. Fantasizing about him… something like that. Tell me I'm lame because I admit I am.

"Kamui….?" Keiichi is like pleading me right now. I ignore him. Then I smile back at Nataku.

"Nataku, promise me you'll do your very best to make the play successful. And please be gracious all the time so Fuuma will be very pleased with you. That's all I ask of you for return."

Nataku gives me a soft nod in response while that innocent smile is still on his lips, "I promise."

I'm happy with that reply. And I'm serious I tell you.

"Kamui, you can still take back that absurd whatever-you-want-to-call-that," Keiichi says. I'm not sure if he's pleading or if he just currently finds the situation impossible that he can't say anything coherent anymore.

"I'll take back nothing."

What has gotten into me? Am I still Kamui or have I been possessed?

I'm now walking down this street. I'm planning to go home but my feet are bringing me somewhere else I don't know and I'm too preoccupied to care. I can feel the wind slapping my face just like what Keiichi's words were doing a while ago.

I've made the decision, haven't I? And I can't take it back anymore because doing that will further hurt Nataku's feelings. I don't want him to feel the way I do.

I know the feeling of being neglected because I've felt that way too often and I don't want anyone to feel that as well because really, it hurts a lot.

My feet are leading me toward this very beautiful cherry blossom tree. It feels so pure and I don't smell blood so this tree isn't Seishirou's infamous tree. Great.

I place my hand on its thick trunk then close my eyes. Inhale, exhale.

I do this often in memory of Kotori. Doing this makes me feel warm. Especially when I think of a beautiful girl, with long golden hair. This makes very comfortable.

I still do love Kotori, don't I?

But I have to admit that my heart is currently beating for this young man named Fuuma.

I'm doing fine standing in front of this tree…

"Oh----!"

Until someone places a heavy hand on my mouth, covering it.

I can't react. I'm afraid. I look at that "someone." I don't know him at all. Beside him, there are three more man who all have malicious smirks on their lips.

"Look what we have in here," one of them says.

"Skinny lad! Oh yummy, he looks delicious."

What the---! Now I have an idea on what's with them. They are just random maniacs who happen to see a _plaything_.

No! I shall not be that _plaything_! NO!!!!

"I'm excited to taste him."

I want to shout at the top of my lungs but I can't! This damn huge hand is covering my little mouth with all its might! My god!! I never thought this could happen to me! NO!!! I need someone to help me! This couldn't be happening! PLEASSSEEE!!!!!

"Go, unbutton his polo shirt!"

Shit! Let me go!!! I want to beg of them.

Like what the other has said, someone starts to unbutton my shirt.

No, no, no, NOOOOOO!!!!!!

Damn! Let me go!

I know what they are up to. They are planning to toy with me.

STOP!

I can hardly breathe. Tears are now falling from my eyes. I don't know what this damned fate awaits me anymore!

LET ME GO!!!!

My pale chest is exposed now.

NO! PLEASE NO!

"Remove your hand from his mouth, dude. I want to hear him scream," someone suggests.

"Fine."

This man covering my mouth finally removes his hand.

I gasp hard for air. I look at them. I'm crying.

"DAMN YOU! Let me go!"

They get a hold of my wrists. Moving me closer to their huge bodies.

"STOP THIS! YOU GUYS ARE INSANE! I have nothing to do with you!" I scream.

"Scream, baby, scream!" one of the guys say with a very aroused expression on his face.

"Shit! Let me----- HEEEELP!!!"

Someone grabs my neck. But before he could do something again, I suddenly see a fifth man stop and meddle with them.

"Please let him go," he demands politely.

What! Someone's here to rescue me! My heartbeat starts to rise.

"Let him go. He's no match against you. Please, spare him," he adds.

"Now who the hell are you? A hero?"

"I'm not. I just happen to be a young man who witnesses four men ganging up on a young kid."

His voice seems very unfamiliar to my ears. Very gentle.

...Who is he?

My eyes try to reach out to him.

He's wearing gray pants, royal blue turtleneck long sleeves and then a cream-colored trench coat...

He has a long pale golden hair and...

Wait… his face is blurred.... and....

I pass out.

--

Tsuzuku.


	5. Fragile

Teenage Dirtbag

Part Five- Fragile

Disclaimer: X belongs to CLAMP-sama, AU, OOC~

* * *

I open my eyes.

Where am I?

I'm lying in a soft bed, I think.

"Good evening," someone greets me softly. His voice seems to be very calm but it also seems to be in despair. It's as if he's crying quietly. But I'm sure he's not.

_Good evening…_? Evening already? But… A while ago I was just walking down this street, and it was just afternoon. And… what happened?

"Did you have a good rest? You were asleep for approximately four hours."

Wait. Where am I? Where exactly on Earth am I?

Hearing no response from me, the voice says, "I see… you're still feeling drowsy, right?"

Would somebody please tell me what exactly happened that I don't know where I am?

Right. A cherry blossom tree. Four maniacs. And a… man with a very light golden hair! And that man is…

"You can talk, can't you?" the owner of the voice gently peeks out his head to look at my face. Maybe he's trying to catch my attention since I'm not able to give him a proper response.

"Ah! My apologies… who are…?"

I'm trying to adjust my perception to see his face clearly, to know if what does he look like. And… okay you got my point.

"Are you… feeling okay already?"

I see a very fragile appearance in front of me. His face is very gentle. Golden cat-like eyes. I say he's a man of great beauty. But… his face is very lonely, like he has been tortured emotionally.

"Who are you? Where am I?"

He moves back. I think he was sitting a while ago.

"You're here in my apartment room," he replies with again, a gentle, almost in a dreary voice.

I try to collect my energy. It's not that I'm tired. I just don't feel quite normal. Yes, you can say that I'm still sleepy.

"Why…? I mean…," I can barely finish my sentences.

I slowly sit up. Then try to observe the surroundings.

I breathe in and out. I'm back to normal.

"I suppose I shall greet you again. Good evening," he says.

I slowly tilt my head to look at him. I think he already has changed his outfit from a while ago to this white simple kimono.

"I'm sorry… Good evening, too. Sorry for not responding immediately. I wasn't feeling that well a moment ago," I tell him gently, because he really seems like a very gentle person.

He nods his head, "I understand. Don't worry."

I gulp. Then try to start a proper conversation with him, "Why exactly am I here?"

"It must be too traumatic too recall, right? You… You were almost molested by four men a while ago. But don't worry you are safe now," he says while looking at my eyes kind-heartedly.

I pause for a while. Look at his eyes as well, which I think, are full of dreams.

"And… you rescued me, right…?"

He shakes his head softly. I observe that he does everything gently and softly. His gentle actions make him look paler. It seems as though he's sick. But well, those are just my simple observations.

"No… I don't have the ability to do 'rescue' anyone. Actually, few passers-by dealt with those men. Don't worry. I was able to thank all of them for helping me to help you."

"Thank you…"

I slowly slide my right foot downwards. Trying to touch the floor with it.

"W--- what are you trying to do…?" he asks. And yes, still in a calm voice.

"I'm sorry. I think I should go home now."

He places a very pale hand on top of mine. Which made me stop moving for a while.

"It's already too dark outside. I think it would be dangerous for you to walk all alone. You're still tired and it's quite unsafe to walk outside while you're feeling that way." He looks a bit worried now.

"But I…"

"I don't see any problem if you're going to stay here and spend the night. You can go early morning tomorrow if you're worrying about attending school. Perhaps you can go there together with my roommate. He might as well be able to walk with you there. Clamp campus…"

I blink twice, "How… did you know…?"

He looks at my torso, "The uniform…"

Oh. The uniform. Stupid me.

"Oh yeah… yeah… yes…," is the only response I can give him. The despair in his voice affects me like I also don't want to talk anymore.

"So… I think I shall let you sleep now," he tells me with such a tender look on his face.

"But… I have just woken up…?"

"Sleep and rest are somehow different…"

"Why… I…," Blah, I just can't finish my sentences.

Actually, my senses have just awakened so I think I'd have quite a hard time putting myself to sleep again.

But maybe he has something else to do and he will not be able to continue this conversation with me anymore that's why he's trying to put me to sleep.

"To tell you the truth…."

He's about to say something but I _politely_ interrupt him. I know it's rude but I want to tell and ask him something important right now, "My name is Shirou Kamui. Your name?"

He pauses for a while then blinks, "Oh… I almost forgot. I am Kuzuki Kayou. Kakyou."

"Kakyou…? Thank you, Kakyou-san," I tell him while smiling a bit.

He gently nods at me as a response. I wonder if he is really sick. I think he lacks so much energy that's why he can't do almost anything with liveliness.

"Do you think it would be bothersome for you to have me here?"

"No. Not really."

"But…"

"Will somebody worry about you being away from home?" he asks.

I pause. Now that makes me think. I… have no family that will worry if ever I'll not go home to spend the night in somebody else's house so… I don't see any problem. Good.

"Kamui, if anything goes wrong, tell me immediately, okay?" I remember Subaru told me once.

Is he going to worry? Should I tell him where I am right now? Oh well.

"None in particular, Kakyou-san."

"Then that's good."

Then the telephone rings. Kakyou softly… oh wait! Kakyou's sitting on a wheelchair! I wasn't able to notice it a while ago! But… I saw him standing a while ago before I passed out…? I think I should ask him about this later.

So Kakyou starts moving the wheels of his wheelchair toward where the telephone is then answers it.

"Yes… I'm okay. I just tried walking a while ago outside. Remember it's still a part of my therapy… No, no… I'm really fine. Nothing happened to me. You are just worrying too much… Ah, so you'll be back late? So you're with him again…? I see… All right, I'll go ahead and sleep… Wait… I think it would be better if you'll hang up the phone right now. He might catch you. You know how suspicious he is… he's just too wary... Hn… You know I'm right. Okay… goodbye. See you later, if I'm still awake by the moment you get home. Thank you… Oh… and don't be surprised when you see----" Kakyou suddenly stops. Then he put the telephone down.

"Why?" I ask him.

"What '_why_'?" He asks me in return.

"I understand you were not able to finish your conversation with him or her? Is there a problem with the telephone line?"

Kakyou starts moving his wheelchair to where I am and it's taking him quite long because he's so… gentle.

"He wasn't able to finish talking with me. I've already expected that," he says then desolately closes his eyes.

"So it's a 'he'… Why? I think that's so mean. To hang up telephone when someone is still talking with you…" I say, almost pouting.

"He has no choice but to cut our conversation and hang up. Or else…" He's not able to finish what he's saying.

"Ah! I'm sorry. Am I asking you things that are too personal…?"

He shakes his head whispering the word "no."

"Is… he a friend of yours?"

"Not really. I have no relationship with him. He just happens to be my roommate."

"I see…"

I stare at him while he closes his eyes again.

He possesses wonderful beauty. I immediately noticed that at first glance because he really is a pale man. That perfect bangs of his is almost covering his golden eyes. He has a very beautiful hair, I almost want to touch it. Light gold. So precious. But his lips are pale. Those could have been very beautiful, if only he smiles.

This is a face that one might want to see before he or she bites the dust.

…but… it's sad…

"Umm… you're so kind. But… where are you going to sleep? You insist that I sleep here, right? And this is your bed."

"I could always roll out a _futon_."

I look around. This room is quite spacious. And… lots of hospital apparatus. But… what for?

"No… I shall sleep on the futon," I tell him.

Suddenly, there's an awkward silence. Kakyou doesn't want to talk too much, I think.

He opens his eyes, "Say, do you have anything to do with those men?"

I blink. Then I try to recall what happened.

Ah… Those guys were huge. I have never known any huge guy.

I shake my head, "None. They are probably just plain maniacs."

"You know, I've always wanted to go outside, to see the real beauty of this Earth. But I'm only allowed to go out for ten minutes or less because my doctor said that it would be risky for me to stay outside. There's always a big tendency for me to feel weak then lost my consciousness. That's why whenever I want to have a walk out, I must be accompanied by someone. That's troublesome. But my roommate is really nice enough to accompany me. That's okay because I love being with him. I feel safe whenever I'm with him. I fear he would be mad if ever he finds out that I went out all by myself again. He always warns and scolds me about it. A while ago, I tried to practice walking… you know, I want to get used to it. I want to be able to walk all by myself so that I'll not depend on my roommate all the time. Everything was well. And then I saw you."

Wow, a very long sentence from Kakyou. I wonder if how much effort he needed to exert in order to finish saying everything he has told me.

He must be really ill.

In an apologetic voice, I tell him, "I'm sorry…, Kakyou-san. That was the opportunity for you to experience what you've always wanted…"

"No need… I was actually on my way here already when I saw you..."

"What happened to you? Why are you sick…? If it's correct to say that…" I'm sure that he really is sick. But I want him to confirm it.

His face slowly becomes more melancholic. He lets out a small sigh then looks at my eyes. I also look at his eyes. I could almost lose myself in them. Very enticing. But... sorrowful.

"Yes… I am sick… I was in a coma for the past few years. But now... I'm _alive_ once again… I'm having a therapy once in a while. My roommate takes care of it."

"Wow… He must be the wind beneath your wings…"

He nods, "You could say that again… You know, he's the one who woke up my senses…"

Wait. A while ago, he said that he has no relationship with his roommate. They are not even friends. But… the way he talks about him, it's like he admires this "roommate" of his very much.

Maybe, this "roommate" is very reliable. He was able to pull Kakyou out of his _sleep_.

"Kamui-san, what is it like to be with plenty of people you love?"

I blink. Then transfer my gaze downwards. I don't know the answer to that question. I don't even know if I can still be with them. They're all gone. Perhaps, I have no answer to that question at all.

Fuuma. No. I've given the chance to Nataku. The chance to be with Fuuma.

"Do you… go to parties…? Walk in the park with them? I mean… how do you spend your quality times together with them?" he continues with an innocent look on his face.

I slowly shake my head. I've done none of those he has mentioned.

"I'm sorry… I will not be able to give you answers you want to hear."

Kakyou gulps. He looks very disappointed at my answer. I want to give him an answer he might enjoy to hear but there's… absolutely none.

He changes the direction of his gaze. I assume he's now looking at the door.

"Why…?" he asks me.

"Because…."

"You don't enjoy such things…?"

I hate myself because I can't entertain Kakyou. His face is very sad and I can do nothing to put a smile on it. It's hard to smile for me, too, because nothing really happens to make me smile.

Softly, I confess to him, "It's not that… I don't enjoy such things. I'm just really not into it. And maybe because… I have no one to spend such things with…"

Kakyou returns his gaze at me. Maybe I caught his attention because what I said sounds so… sad. And well, I can't blame him.

"What… do you mean…?"

I take a deep breath. I want to explain things to Kakyou in a way he will understand my real feelings.

Wow. I'll be sharing my damned life's history to a person I've just known.

But I can feel that Kakyou is someone who will listen to me sincerely.

This is great because no one really cares enough to listen to me. Remember I've said that no one cares about my existence?

Keiichi… Subaru… maybe they *do* really care but… it's something _default _already. Keiichi is my classmate, Subaru is my roommate, of course somehow, they care for me, because I care for them also.

"I've never interacted with people aside from my doctor and my roommate that's why I want to listen to some stories. That is… if you're willing to tell me yours…. But if you think it's too personal and-----"

I cut what Kakyou is trying to say, then I give him a soft affirmative nod, "No problem… it's a shame though that I can't share to you wonderful stories. So… my life-story is the only thing I can share to you. But I'm warning you… my life-story is very… depressing, to the point that you can say it's boring."

Kakyou holds onto my small hand. It feels as though a skeleton is clasping onto a sponge. My hands are too soft and small while Kakyou's hands are long and thin.

Hah. Do I still make sense here?

"There's no life as depressing as mine. A man who was in a comatose. A life which was really close to death. Organs were functioning but the heart feels nothing."

My eyes widen after hearing that statement. It's… very meaningful…

"I'll listen. I'll lend you my ears," he adds.

I force out a small smile, "Thank you…"

Narrating a life I hate so much is very difficult. But I'll do my very best. I want to please Kakyou.

"I'm an average student… very simple. I don't want to hang out with the other kids. It's of no use to me. Oh… that is…, if they'll ever let me hang out with them. Which I'm sure they won't. Future… I study for *my* future. If ever I have a future to begin with. But one thing that really urges me to go to school everyday is this one person. That person brightens up my day. Oh if only that damn hot guy just leaves him alone…"

I sigh. I can't help but roll my eyes. Thinking about Seishirou tortures me.

Kakyou's gaze at me becomes gentle. Yes, the previous one was gentle enough already but this one is very mild as if a lonely angel is staring at me, "You made mention of this 'one person'… do you… love him…?"

I blink. Blinking probably has really become an automatic response of mine especially when the topic of discussion is about the person I *love*.

Kakyou's waiting for an answer. But I can't tell him about it just yet.

Now I'm blushing.

Oh not again…

"Is it just me or you're blushing…?"

I gulp. Then shake my head almost hysterically.

"Oh no, no, no…"

I keep on blushing. I think it's funny. Does Kakyou now think I'm insane?

"Observing the way your cheeks flush… you must really like this person a lot," Kakyou… teases? I think he's teasing me. But it's not obvious because he talks so gently and innocently.

Kamui liar.

I look at Kakyou again. His lips are parted, waiting for an answer. He still looks artless.

"Do you…?" he pushes the question.

I nod… still blushing, "Very……"

"Interesting...," he whispers.

We keep on talking with each other that we don't immediately notice that it's getting really late already.

"No… not really…," Kakyou answers to a certain question of mine.

I can say that we are enjoying each other's company. Though there's no evidence to back up what I said because I can't still make Kakyou smile even just a little bit. It must be a really tough thing to do.

We're still in a middle of a small talk until here comes a knocking on the door.

"Kakyou? Still awake? I'm home," the one who knocked says.

Kakyou instantly stops talking to me then removes his gaze from me, pinning a look at the door.

"Oh…" is my only reaction.

"Yes…," Kakyou answers back.

Then he returns his gaze at me, "He's back… Fuuma, he is."

My eyes suddenly widen to the nth level. My jaw drops. It feels as though a thunderbolt strikes me directly at the heart.

Who?

Tsuzuku.


	6. Unwell

Teenage Dirtbag

Part Six- Unwell

Disclaimer: X belongs to CLAMP-sama, AU, OOC~

* * *

_"He's back."_

_"…Fuuma, he is."_

W… What? Have I heard that right?

Who's back…???

I'm astonished.

Have my ears heard that correctly???

He's back…

Fuuma…?

"Don't worry. He's nice. I know you'll get along well."

Surprisingly, I can still clearly hear what Kakyou is saying even though I'm very stunned with…

….what I've just heard.

Nothing seems to enter my mind at the moment except… _who's back_…?

Did he actually mention the name "Fuuma"?!?

But wait… Am I only hearing things? Is Fuuma really there outside?! Is Fuuma the one who knocked!? IS HE!?!?

"I'll open the door," Kakyou says and he's obviously not talking to me.

"No, no. I have my key here with me. Just checking if you're awake," Fuuma answers.

But… IS_HE_REALLY_FUUMA?!? The Fuuma I love? The Fuuma I'm so desperate to be with?

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Calm yourself down, Kamui.

Maybe he's not. *HE IS NOT*, okay?! I know I shall be open to the fact that MONOU FUUMA isn't the only FUUMA in this whole wide world! …That it's not impossible for others to also bear the name FUUMA! Maybe FUUMA KUDOU, FUUMA IMONOYAMA, FUUMA WANG, FUUMA WATSON or even FUUMA BUCKINGHAM etcetera, etcetera!

…but what if HE_REALLY_IS_MONOU_FUUMA!?

Yes, I know my dearest Fuuma's voice *very much* and I can easily recognize if he's the one speaking or not. It's just that the person is behind the door and it's hard to recognize his real voice!

SO WHAT NOW!?!

If I see Monou Fuuma's face there after the door opens, what shall I do next?

Oh please I think I'm going to collapse!

I hear the rustling of key being inserted into the keyhole.

Quick, Kamui! Quick!

THINK FAST!

…WHAT SHALL I DO?!?

"Kakyou-san! Where's the restroom here?!" I ask Kakyou in a very panicky voice and I don't care if he noticed that tension is building up fast in my system! All I need to do now is… oh wait! I don't even know what I need! Do I need to hide, stay calm… What?!?

He looks at me, clearly wondering if what has suddenly gotten into me. But still, he answers my question, "There." He points at this straight direction and I luckily immediately see the door.

Then what?

Now I can hear the door opening. And I shall now…

"Thank you!" I tell Kakyou in a shaky voice and without further ado, I run toward the restroom.

I hide behind the door completely closing it.

"Wait, Ka---" I hear Kakyou calls me back but is immediately interrupted.

"There. Now I shall ask you this. Why are you still awake, Kakyou,?" asks the person who has just entered.

"Eeh? Wait, Fuuma-san……" Kakyou then recites a string of apologies and excuses.

But wait. Now that voice…

I'm… very very very certain of it now.

…That's undoubtedly Monou Fuuma's voice.

Yeah… Fuuma… Surely it's him…

He's there. I know he is. My hunch tells me. No. Not just my hunch but myself. I know it.

I don't know exactly if what I should feel at this very moment. What feeling do I have now except for anxiety? Stay inside here. I know I should.

But why? Am I afraid to face Fuuma? And if I am, why should I be? He's not a monster. He's not a ghost. I have done nothing wrong to him so it's safe for me to face him. Why am I driving myself insane because of this?!?

Is it because I'm scared that he'd ignore me?

In fact, I should be very very glad about this coincidence, shouldn't I?

But why am I really feeling this way?

I'm so confused. Very. Fuuma's within my reach. Again.

But… why? I know I can go out there and face Fuuma! Tell him all about my feelings now that Seishirou is not in here!

I've faced Fuuma. Twice. This should not be happening to me!! I love those two precious moments very much. I will never be able to forget those for the rest of my life. Correction, damned life.

But right. Maybe I feel this way because deep inside, I know that this will only lead to nothing.

But I shouldn't care about that because right from the very beginning, I'm already aware of that. I know the truth that he'll never love me the same way I love him. No. That's too much of a wishful thinking. He doesn't even *like* me at the least. Compared to Seishirou, I'm nothing. How can Fuuma even fall in love with a guy who has so much bitterness inside? He will just feel bored with me. That is, if ever we get the chance to be together again. Which I'm sure will not happen anytime soon. And… ever again.

No one. No one will help me with this but my very self…

I'm drowned in my thoughts. And before I knew it, I'm already sitting down the floor with my back plastered on the door like a sticker. Tears are now collected in my eyes and are just waiting for the perfect moment to trickle down. Why am I shedding tears...? I know I always do but... there's no reason for me to cry at this moment!

"Are you sure you are okay, Kakyou?"

Wait. I should not forget that Fuuma's out there. With Kakyou.

I slowly tilt my head backward, trying to peek at them carefully through this one-fourth opened door. I can see both of them clearly even though my vision is somewhat hazy. Hazy because of the tears I shouldn't be shedding. And also because of the thoughts that are troubling my mind. And yeah, because of these feelings as well. Feelings that I… can't actually explain at this very moment. I can feel my knees trembling. I wrap my arms around them thinking that by doing that, they will already refuse to shake.

I can see Fuuma kneeling down there beside Kakyou's wheelchair.

"Very…" Kakyou answers Fuuma.

"Aah. You're being very stubborn lately. I've already told you not to go out without a guardian, haven't I? And more importantly, without my permission. Or in short, you'll not go outside this room without *me*," Fuuma says. With a little smile. Oh Fuuma…

Why…? Why here…? Of all places? Your house. The place where you spend your time… without him. Seishirou. Or so perhaps I thought. Should I feel glad about this? No. What would he say when he sees me here? Would he think that I'm playing some _tricks_ or whatever it should be called? Would he think that I'm stalking him?

My goodness…

Is it really my destiny to feel confused and depressed all the time?

"See… I've already apologized…" Kakyou says to Fuuma with a very ghostly voice. He's also avoiding Fuuma's teasing glare. And Fuuma just chuckles. The one that Keiichi does whenever he's teasing me about my weakness. And you know what it is. I mean… who it is.

"You should really learn not to take everything so seriously, Kakyou," Fuuma teases some more in a very cool voice.

Am I seeing a different Fuuma now?

A Fuuma that laughs and smiles like an innocent child. As if he is a kid who is bullying his best friend.

I've never seen Fuuma like this before when we're in school. Because usually, he acts dangerously cool. He's wary and he is only nice whenever he wants to be or just feels like it.

But now, his eyes are seemingly sparkling. And what a shame. Those eyes are looking at Kakyou.

Then that made me think. I have a theory but…

No! Stop the dirty thoughts, Kamui! Kakyou's a very very nice man! Don't judge him!

And I'm one hundred percent sure about Fuuma's _effin' _relationship with Seishirou!

Fuuma sighs, "I forgive you now. As always. But don't you ever dare do it again. Okay? Or else I'll be forced to chain you there on your bed."

With that being said, Kakyou finally looks at Fuuma. His lips a bit parted and his eyes clueless, "You will what…?"

Fuuma chuckles even harder. Then grins at Kakyou. Dammit. Still teasing.

"Dammit, Kakyou. Why should you look attractive all the time?!" Fuuma starts to stroke Kakyou's long beautiful gold hair.

I swallow hard. Still looking at them.

Fuuma looks so very happy and gentle teasing Kakyou. Except for being roommates, what's between the two of them?

I shake my head trying to throw away my thoughts. My stupid thoughts about them. Then look at them again.

"Here, look at me," Fuuma gently cups Kakyou's chin so that he'd be able to stare directly at Kakyou's eyes, the latter passionately returning the stare. They are… very close. It makes me paranoid. I know the feeling of being close to Fuuma. It feels like heaven. Does Kakyou feel the same way? And if he does… why? Crap, crap, crap….. I can't blame him if he also feels the same way. But again, why should he?

"I'm not mad, okay? I was just teasing you a while ago. Just… next time, follow my instructions. I'm giving you those because I know that those are the best for you. You're safe from that coma already and the best way to fully recover from it is to rest. Other than that, discipline is also needed. You see, I can always walk you out if you want. All you need to do is ask."

"Except when Sakurazuka-san's around…," Kakyou clarifies with so much sadness in his voice. I can feel it. I see. So our problem both is none other than Seishirou. Fuuma's… ah, you know what. I don't want to speak about that evil.

Fuuma lets out a sigh before smiling. Then caresses Kakyou's cheek affectionately, "Forget about him."

"It's easy for you to say that. But you don't know how difficult it is for me to do that."

"Kakyou, I need your understanding. I'm sorry."

With the mention of the word "sorry", Kakyou's mood immediately changes. Then he extends his arm then clutches onto Fuuma's well-built arm.

"Don't be, Fuuma-san! I should be the one to say sorry. You're damned to it because of me!"

"Ssshhh….," Fuuma hisses then envelops Kakyou in a warm embrace.

I gulp upon seeing that. Let me say it's a comforting hug. Yeah, a comforting friendly hug. Keiichi gives me lots of it, too, no?

Fuuma starts caressing the back of Kakyou's head, "I may really be damned to it but there's no truth that it's because of you. I made that decision and you have nothing to do with it. I have no regrets with that. I did explain that to you, didn't I?"

"You've sacrificed enough, Fuuma-san…" Kakyou says, hopelessly. More hopeless than when he was talking to me a while ago.

"No, no. As a matter of fact, I enjoy Seishirou's company a lot now, you know. We take turns in paying for the ice cream that we eat and in deciding about what flavor we should buy. You know, the half gallon one? Haha, it's very scrumptious. If you want I'll buy one for us to eat here tomorrow evening. I bet you'll enjoy that. You've never tasted an ice cream before, have you? There are lots of-----" Fuuma is having an amazing speech about how delicious ice creams are until Kakyou interrupts him.

"No, Fuuma! Stop acting like you're enjoying it!" Kakyou shouts. For the very first time since I met him. Well, that was just a while ago.

Oh. It seems that I've already forgotten about what should I do and now I'm very busy eavesdropping. Don't get me wrong though. This isn't my hobby. But I'm very much tempted to eavesdrop. Especially that there is the person I love and will only love the most. By this… I'll know much more about Fuuma's life. Not just the fact that I know that he's really hot. And someone hotter owns him.

I remember suddenly how Kakyou described his 'roommate'.

/_He's the one who woke up my senses_/, also the answer he gave me when I made the comment /_He's the wind beneath your wings_/.

Maybe Fuuma is cheating on Seishirou. Maybe… there's really *something more* between Kakyou and him.

Damn, that's impossible! If he is, then Kakyou should be dead by now. I shake my head again. This time, more furiously. So as to be sure that these thoughts will completely disappear from my mind. Dammit. I have a bad imagination. Very bad.

"Kakyou… I'm not pretending that I enjoy it even though I really don't, if that's what you're trying to point out. Everything's fine. Everything. Don't mind me. Now, let's change the topic. Ask me about school. I'll answer even if you'll not ask," Fuuma grins. Then waits for Kakyou's response.

Kakyou pauses for a while then nods. Now he's back to normal. Or so I thought. Hm… When Kakyou looks melancholic and fragile, it means that he really is in his usual self, right?

"How's school…?" Kakyou asks because he has just been forced to. Oh, if you can't tell, that's a joke. Now this is my way of entertaining myself while I'm here inside their restroom.

"Damn great. You know the school play that I've mentioned to you days ago? The 'Verboten Love', which those people, without thinking-twice, have chosen me for the lead role?"

"Yes… what about it…?" Kakyou queries more calmly now.

Now that's a topic I don't want to hear ever again. I know I've had a very great experience involving that but it's just now… a pleasant memory to me after I've made the decision to give the cursed role to Nataku. I sigh ever harder at this very moment.

"I've seen Mauve there. He was there!" Fuuma says with an obvious excitement in his voice and I don't care now why. I don't even want him to mention something about that play. I should forget about it now.

"Mauve…? The one you… He was there?" Now Kakyou seems to be very curious. But starting this very moment, I've decided not to give a damn about what it is they are talking about.

If you want their full-length conversation, here it is…

"Yes. I got the chance to be with him."

"You did? And you are still alive? Is that Mauve of yours still alive?"

"You mean Seishirou? You mean why didn't he kill us? Ah. It was needed. It was needed in the audition and there was nothing he could do about it. Anyway, he probably didn't even notice at the slightest my real feelings that time. But I can say… I'm very happy about today."

"The code we've been using all this time… Fuuma-san, do you have any plan of revealing Mauve's real name to me anytime soon? I want to know… Especially the meaning of it. And some time, I want to see what he looks like. Even seeing a photo of him will suffice…."

"Nah-uh. Not yet, Kakyou. And not anytime soon. I know I can trust you about everything but… except this. It will be very dangerous if Seishirou discovers about it. Let's just live with the way things are right now. And leave them the way they are. I want Mauve and you safe. You know I'd risk my happiness for the safety of Mauve and you. I will always do."

"I've never asked this. And pardon me if I will now…"

"What?"

"Why '_Mauve_'?"

"Aah. Because his eyes are of that color."

"Eyes…?"

"Oh wait. I've drunk a lot of alcohol while I was with Seishirou. I need to pee."

"Ah---! Wait! I've totally forgotten…! Someone's--------"

Sigh. I'm now almost ready to face Fuuma. I can't hide here inside the restroom forever. Especially that this is THEIR restroom. I can do this. I was able to face Fuuma during the audition! I even considered myself a "_daredevil_" because of devil Seishirou's presence that time. But now, all we have with us here is an angel. Angel Kakyou.

I stand up straight. Then face the door. Hold the doorknob, ready to pull it to open.

"Now, Kamui…" I command myself. Now.

"AH-----?!?"

But before I knew it, the door is already open.

Revealing…

…Fuuma in front of me.

He seems very shock. So am I.

"M--- 'Mauve'…?" I hear him whisper, trying to let his trapped breath out.

What… Mauve???

Tsuzuku.


	7. Dilemma

Teenage Dirtbag  
  
  
Part Seven- Dilemma   
  
  
  
AN: Hey! Sorry to keep you waiting! I became lazy! I got too excited waiting for   
this "Meteor Garden" show to air at our local television… F4… my goodness... Vic...   
if anyone here knows them, oh I know someone does…!!! *sweatdrops* It was   
when I watched Wheatus' video "Teenage Dirtbag" did I realize that I have a fanfic   
story to continue! Thank MTV for that…! Whew! Anyway, here's chapter seven! ^^  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Did he just say 'Mauve'…?  
  
  
It's a color, isn't it?  
  
  
Hasn't he just mistaken me from a color?  
  
  
What's my connection with 'Mauve'?  
  
  
"Fuu… ma…." I whisper, my eyes cemented at his. I just thought a while ago that   
I'm ready to face him. But now… I feel like melting…  
  
  
"Y--- you…?" Fuuma continues after mentioning 'Mauve'.   
  
  
I'm startled. My heart hesitates to continue beating. My determination a while   
ago to face Fuuma just decides to fade away.   
  
  
"Ah! Fuuma-san!" Kakyou calls back. And with that, Fuuma turns around to look at   
Kakyou.  
  
  
"Kakyou?! What's this?" I see Kakyou gulps hardly with that. Fuuma's different   
again. He's now the same Fuuma I always fantasize in the campus. The Fuuma who's   
sometimes intense and sometimes nice. My knees are now starting to tremble. Is   
he mad? Is he mad about me being here? Or he just doesn't really expect me here?  
  
  
"I… gomen… the boy run into trouble while going home… and I… helped him." Kakyou   
says, obviously nervous.   
  
  
"You went out alone and got yourself a burden. It was a pretty challenging day   
you had, wasn't it? Kakyou?" Fuuma says, in an abashing tone. I don't know if   
he's mad or just teasing Kakyou again. I take a glimpse at Kakyou's reaction.   
He's looking down.  
  
  
… Shoot. Fuuma's mad.  
  
  
Kakyou's in his utmost melancholy expression.   
  
  
At first, I really don't know what to say or do. But I can't let Kakyou down! I   
owe him a lot and I just can't stand here, watching my "wished lover"   
sermonizing the man who helped me out when I was in the bulkiest trouble of my   
life!   
  
  
…Was it the bulkiest?  
  
  
Damn. It's no time to think about that right now, no? At this time, what shall I   
do?   
  
  
Fuuma returns his gaze at me. I swallow thickly. Afraid of what he might say.   
  
  
"Shirou if I remember correctly." He looks at me suspiciously, smirking. Now   
I'm confused! He will not smirk if he's mad, will he? Now all I want is to crap   
out then pray that when I open my eyes, I'm already at our apartment room. With   
or without Subaru to screw me, I don't care.   
  
  
"H-- hai… G-- good evening, Monou-san." That's all I can say as of now. Come to   
think of it, is this evening really a good one?  
  
  
Upon hearing the greeting and Fuuma mentioning my surname, Kakyou immediately   
looks up, gawks at us with his eyes widened and lips parted. He's patently   
surprised about Fuuma and I mentioning each other's name like we already do know   
each other. Oh yes we do.  
  
  
"Y-- you know each other?" Kakyou asks sounding oh so very curious.   
  
  
I don't answer him. Fuuma doesn't, too. He's still looking at me.  
  
  
I look up at him, ready to explain things out. "Monou-san, don't be distraught   
about Kakyou-san accepting me here… I know it's inappropriate for him to receive   
someone in your room without your permission… it's just… Umm… I take the blame   
because I wasn't able to take care of myself." I gulp, then continue, "Please…   
if you want, I'll go home now."  
  
  
"No! Kamui! I've told you it's quite dangerous!" Kakyou says. I like him so much   
because even though he knows that Fuuma is a bit mad, I really hope just a bit,   
he still thinks about my good.   
  
  
Fuuma looks back at Kakyou. "Kakyou!" he raises his voice. Now it sends chills   
shiver down my spines. And I know it does with Kakyou's, too. "Shut up at once!"   
Fuuma commands. Kakyou doesn't expect that, really, I know. Just a while ago,   
they were very dear with each other that everyone can mistaken them of being   
lovers, and now…   
  
  
Fuuma's gentle mood transforms into rage.   
  
  
Now I know that he's not mad just a little bit.  
  
  
He really is mad.  
  
  
"M-- Monou-san! I'll leave! Right now! Just d-- don't get mad at Kakyou-san!" I   
beseech with him.   
  
  
I can't believe this! Instead of confessing love and exchanging sweet nothings   
with this person I love, I'm currently begging him, defending his roommate whom   
has been so nice to me.   
  
  
Why should Fuuma be so enrage about seeing me here in his residence? I know he   
doesn't like me at the least but does he hate me? If he does, what have I done?!   
  
  
"Move." The very cold response he gives me.   
  
  
I wonder, "move…?"   
  
  
"Out of the door."   
  
  
Dammit. He really discards me outta here. I want to whimper until my tear gland   
cracks.   
  
  
"DEMO--!" Kakyou still tries to change Fuuma's mind.  
  
  
"Move before I pea with my pants."  
  
  
"Huh???" Kakyou and I startle.   
  
  
"Goddamnit! It's starting to trickle down! Little one, I have to come in now!"   
He screeches in an I-can't-really-explain-mode.   
  
  
"O-- okay…." I say, still fluster, while moving out of the comfort room's   
doorway.   
  
  
"Thanks! Don't you dare leave this apartment room! We have to clear things up."   
With that, he instantly makes his way inside the comfort room leaving Kakyou-san   
and I in distress.  
  
  
I wonder what he means by that. I'm very confused about Fuuma now. I walk   
towards Kakyou while he pushes his wheelchair towards me.  
  
  
"What has gotten into him…?" Kakyou asks me, perturb.  
  
  
"H-- how should I know…." I murmur. Kakyou just takes a light sigh then looks up   
at me, his heavy eyelashes very noticeable… makes me adore his golden-eyes more.   
Gold… like Fuuma's. Fuuma's just there inside the CR unlike oftentimes that he's   
like hundred miles away from me when we're in the campus. But this makes no   
difference at all the way I admire him.   
  
  
"Right… I think I should be the one to know what has gotten into him since I   
know him the best… or so I said. …Ah! Kamui-kun… is it all right if I address   
you with that?"  
  
  
"Sure…" I see no problem with that.  
  
  
Kakyou continues, "I apologize for Fuuma-san's actions. He really changes mood   
now and then. But… he's overall nice." Kakyou explains to me and I believe him.   
  
  
"Yeah…" I smile, agreeing.   
  
  
"So… you know each other by name…? Are you friends in the campus?"  
  
  
I shake my head, "No…"  
  
  
"I know you would say that. Just plain coincidence, I see…"  
  
  
"Why did you say so?"  
  
  
"Saku--- ah… nothing, really. It just came out from my mouth. Do you see him   
around often?"  
  
  
"Y-- yeah…" I do, really. Because I glue my eyes at him all the time.   
  
  
"Bet you know about…. that guy…." I know Kakyou means Seishirou Sakurazuka.  
  
  
I try to pretend that I don't know much, "Guy…? Oh… that guy he is always with?   
Ya, I see him, too. He often walks with Monou-san during break time and he waits   
for him all day." All day, I mean it. Sure he does. Seishirou spends his whole   
day chasing after Fuuma in the campus. He loiters at the corridors while Fuuma's   
in class. Damn it, no one cares about that. They don't even think of what   
Seishirou is up to. They simply are all afraid to ask and suspect because they,   
or I mean we, all know that if we do, we'll face our creator in an instant.   
Everyone is used about Seishirou being in the campus even though he intends no   
important business at all. And damn they all like it. The teachers, the   
students, the administrators, all! Except me and those who want Fuuma so badly,   
I guess. He became popular in the campus even though he doesn't even studies   
there or works there.   
  
  
Maybe he thinks that the campus is a park.  
  
  
Crap, I hate my jokes.  
  
  
Kakyou looks down, glummer than ever I think. "He's a bastard….." He whispers   
but I heard him.  
  
  
"Huh?" I'm quite surprise to hear that word from Kakyou's mouth. He's so gentle   
like an angel and then he suddenly said the word 'bastard'? I know Seishirou   
really is a bastard but… coming from Kakyou's mouth? It's like an angel befallen   
a curse.  
  
  
  
I figured out a while ago that we both dislike Seishirou but he didn't have to   
say *that*.  
  
  
Kakyou's in heaven now if ever Seishirou heard that. Glad he didn't.  
  
  
"Stingy bastard… he never becomes contented…" Kakyou continues whispering.  
  
  
"Kakyou-san…? You were saying…." I latch a hand onto his and that makes him look   
up at me. His eyes are anticipating and that makes me realize that he was lost   
in his thoughts a while ago while saying those squalid words.  
  
  
"Hai…?" He asks.  
  
  
"Ah-- nanimonai…" I think it would be better to stay out of his private   
business. I have mine, too, and I don't like people to pry on that.   
  
  
Just then, Fuuma goes out from the comfort room, suspiring.   
  
  
Now here's my abnormal heartbeat again.   
  
  
"Sorry if I was harsh…, Shirou-kun." He drops the words right away.  
  
  
I remove my hand from Kakyou's then look up at Fuuma, my lips quivering a bit   
again.  
  
  
"I'm sorry… Monou-san."  
  
  
Fuuma looks at Kakyou then smiles, very luring this time. I'll swoon any minute   
now. Funny but I mean it. "Kakyou, did I scare you? There's this time that I   
really become insignificant. Pardon me, Kakyou," he says.  
  
  
"It's okay…"  
  
  
Fuuma looks at me again, smirking. Damnit, why the smirking when he's looking at   
me?  
  
  
"Sit," he demands.  
  
  
"Huh? Where?" I can only ask.  
  
  
"Wherever you wish to." He tells me.   
  
  
So I go and sit at this small couch, clueless to what he might tell me. Oh that   
is, if ever he will waste his time telling me something. He sits, too, one meter   
away from me. I want him to sit one millimeter away from me but that's way   
impossible.   
  
  
While Kakyou is pushing his wheelchair closer to us.  
  
  
"Do you need me here?" he asks Fuuma.  
  
  
"Yes, we do."  
  
  
"Okay…"  
  
  
I place both of my unease hands on my lap, looking at them. I try my very best   
to avoid Fuuma's gaze. You might be wondering why since I want him really to   
look at me. Well at this moment, I don't know the answer to that myself.   
  
  
"Shirou-kun. First, I want you to know that you shouldn't have been here."  
  
  
"I know…"  
  
  
"Second, I can't do something about that now since you're already here."  
  
  
"Mm…"  
  
  
He looks at Kakyou, "Kakyou, it's great to know that you were able to help   
somebody with that condition of yours. But I think you should help yourself   
first. What happened to him?"  
  
  
"A group of cads tried to harass him."  
  
  
"Ahh---!" Fuuma's like very shocked with what he has heard.   
  
  
Shocked? Is he shocked? If he is, it does mean that he is concern about me,   
doesn't it?  
  
  
No. No. I make a lot of wishful thinking again and that only makes me devastated   
at the end. I'm sick and tired of that already.   
  
  
Maybe he's shocked because he has never thought that some deranged chaps would   
actually have an interest on an obscure kid like me. Yes, I know that those men   
just want hell penetration out of me but it's still a different thing when   
somebody actually pays attention at me.  
  
  
"O-- ohh..." I look up at Fuuma this time and I see him looking at me with…   
rueful eyes… I guess.   
  
  
He pities me. I hate it when people pity me. I think it's not a good thing at   
all.   
  
  
I notice Fuuma sighs. "Ummm… ahh… Good…"  
  
  
"Good?! Fuuma-san, I'm sorry to oppose you but I think nothing's good about   
someone getting almost harassed…!" Kakyou grumbles.  
  
  
Looking at Kakyou, startled, Fuuma begins shaking his head.   
  
  
"N-- no! That's not what I mean! I--- you see… I mean… good! It's good to know   
that you were able to help him and you yourself are safe. And that… he's in good   
plight now…!"   
  
  
I slowly rub my arms, removing away the tension.   
  
  
"Okay. Let me continue. I think it would be best if you will go to your own home   
right now. Your roommate certainly is worried about you."  
  
  
That struck me. How did he know about me having only a roommate? It's easier to   
understand if he said that my 'family is certainly worried' about me, no? So…   
what makes him think that maybe I have no family to go home at all?  
  
  
"Y-- you know…?" I ask him very curious this time.  
  
  
"Know what?" He asks me in return.  
  
  
"About… me having only a roommate to return to…?"  
  
  
Fuuma looks disquiet again. He doesn't speak for a short while.   
  
  
Until he sighs then grins, "Aa. So my guess is right? I really think that a kid   
looking like you might really have no family already. Oh, I'm so lofty, am I   
not?"   
  
  
So it's only his guess. I should have really expected to hear that kind of   
answer.   
  
  
"But Fuuma-san! It's already cryptic outside and it's not a good idea by any   
means to let him walk home alone," Kakyou proposes with concern.   
  
  
Oh Kakyou-san, I love you. You're one of those few who bring me closer to   
Fuuma.   
  
  
Ah… Well, Keiichi really is the only one who brings me closer to Fuuma.   
  
  
Fuuma thinks for a while. Oh, master of the universe, I pray that he will come   
up with a wonderful decision.  
  
  
"Okay… I'll walk him home."  
  
  
Kakyou's eyes widen upon hearing that, "B-- but--! What if---!"  
  
  
So Fuuma really doesn't want me here. It's not that I don't like him to walk me   
home. As a matter of fact, I would really love that.   
  
  
The man I love so much will walk me home? That's one of the greatest things that   
would ever happen in my cursed life.   
  
  
…But why is he really determined to dispose me out of here?  
  
  
"Quiet, Kakyou!" I hear Fuuma tells Kakyou and I can say that it's some kind of   
a warning.  
  
  
Kakyou looks down again, morose, "I'm sorry…"  
  
  
Fuuma continues, "So okay. I'll walk you home, Shirou-kun."  
  
  
"Thank you…"  
  
  
"Oh and lastly, before we end this, I want to congratulate you..., Tsuki."  
  
  
I gasp with that. I thought he has already forgotten about us being together in   
the audition a while ago in the campus.  
  
  
I gulp then look at him, forcing myself to evince him a smile, "Thank you… But…"  
  
  
Kakyou intervenes, "Tsuki…? Fuuma-san, you let me borrow and read the script   
booklet of 'Verboten Love', right? And Tsuki is Asahi's love interest, right?   
And you'll be playing Asahi… Does that mean…"  
  
  
Fuuma chuckles, "Right, Kakyou! Shirou-kun here won Tsuki's role…!"  
  
  
Kakyou's a bit surprised, "It's good to know that… But… it's sad to know that   
Mauve-san wasn't able to have the role… You told me he was also there, right…?"   
Kakyou whispers to himself but both Fuuma and I heard that.   
  
  
Fuuma suddenly narrows his gaze at Kakyou, "Kakyou!"  
  
  
"Ah--! Gomen…, Fuuma-san…"   
  
  
Fuuma lets out a heavy sigh again before standing up, "Let's go now. We should  
hurry, Shirou-kun."  
  
  
"Now…? Ah… okay…" I stand up, too, and turn to Kakyou.  
  
  
I smile at him then bow my head in respect, "Arigatou for everything,   
Kakyou-san… I will never forget this. Sorry if I hooked you with my weakness.   
Please take care always of yourself. One time, I might actually walk you out…"  
  
  
Kakyou nods. He doesn't smile back but I know that his eyes are happy because   
these are sparkling, "Doitashimashita… I'm looking forward to be with you again.   
So long."  
  
  
"So long." I very much hope that I can help Kakyou-san to have what he has   
always wanted.   
  
  
Fuuma and I are now walking at this dark and cold street. None of us saying a   
word after going out from the door of their apartment room. This day is   
admittedly a long one for me.   
  
  
Come to think of it. I auditioned. I was with Fuuma. I got the role. I met   
Nataku and gave up the role for him. I was almost molested. I met Kakyou-san. I   
discovered that Fuuma's his roommate. I'm with Fuuma again. That's the way this   
day of mine ends.   
  
  
I just hope that this silent moment with Fuuma will never end.   
  
  
Hah. But impossible, you see?   
All of a sudden, I notice Fuuma sniffs. "...That smell...," he says furtively.   
  
  
"Smell...? Oh yeah... I smell something... fragrant... But also fetid..."  
"Flower...!" Fuuma gasps.  
"Oooh… Fuuma, darling. You are with…? That brat. 'Shirou-kun', is that you?"   
Someone speaks mischievously.  
  
  
Fuuma and I both freeze.   
We notice pink petals floating and then smoke.  
  
  
In the dark…  
  
  
There, in front of us…   
  
  
…Appears…  
  
  
Seishirou Sakurazuka.  
  
  
I guess I'll end with this day.  
  
  
  
-Tsuzuku.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
  
AN: Seriously, it took me quite a long while because I was rather busy creating   
another fanfic. A CLOVER one! Hehe! It's just "one-shot" but VERY long…   
*blush* so if you have enough time and if you love the GingetsuXLan pairing   
like I do, please read it! ^^ It's entitled "FOR YOU". Anyways, back to this   
gloomy fic… Here are my responses to some of your inspirations, er, reviews   
pardon me… I just really like communicating with the reviewers…! ^^.   
Futagoakuma-tenshi-san01! New to this?? ^^ Thanks for saying it's interesting!   
Arashi-san… what can I say?? I'm really waiting for Fuuma to come!! Thank you   
again for the cool reviews!!! ^^  
  
  
Featherlight-san! Moshi-moshi!! ^^ You're a new reviewer of this fic, aren't   
you?? ^____^ Oh yes… it's really frustrating to read those and even I myself   
gets frustrated oftentimes. I often go: "WHAT!! DID I REALLY WRITE THIS   
STUFF!?!" *blush* I, too, get irritated by what I wrote and I'm tending now to   
avoid those. But I think it really helps because the more of it, the gloomier.   
Hehe, and the gloomier, the more sympathy for Kamui-chan. DOMO!!!! ^_^  
  
  
AH! Darkness-san! Thank you again and again and again and again….!!! Now I'm   
starting to feel afraid because any moment soon, Sei-chan fangirls might start   
ATTACKING me. I think you're the second reviewer who felt like killing Sei-chan   
after reading this piece of work! *giggles* Ohohoho… Sei-chan, don't get me   
wrong! You're one of my favorites, too! Bye de bye, too! I've observed that   
that's your way of ending your reviews and gomen because I imitated it!   
*sweat-drops* Ja!  
  
  
OH, FANNY CHAN-SAN!!!! You've already flattered me a lot!! DOMO!!! I'm starting   
to feel like finding you then glomp you!!!! Right from the beginning, you've   
really inspired me!!! It's nice to know that there really is someone who likes   
reading this fic much and that makes me so proud! =^_^=  
  
  
Hokuto chan-san! Helooooo!!!!! Arigatou gozaimasu!!! Hehe! ^^ For you, I'll keep   
writing more! I'm so glad I was able to make you happy with chapter six! Me too,   
'Mauve' is one of my favorite words! ^^ I think it's kinda mysterious…! At   
first, I thought of making it 'Amethyst' but then I realized that it wouldn't   
really make an impact so I decided to go on with 'Mauve' since it has the same   
meaning with 'Amethyst'. Domo!!! ^^  
Shinigami-san!!! "-san" means Miss or Mister. I think it's a label of respect in   
Japan. If I call you "Shinigami-chan", that means we're already friends or close. ^^  
Umm... HENTAI??? O.o Thanks again for the review!!!  
Phoenix-san!! Yes, I like GnR and Mortal Sins!!! SO MUCH! So Continue Mortal Sins,   
too, I BEG OF YOU!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH for always minding to read what I'm putting   
in my ANs. Thanks for reading then reviewing always!!! ^____^   
Ishuzu-san! The trenchcoat!!! HAHAHA!! Thanks for the review again! He did not push   
him inside so sorry about that. But sometimes I might actually put a   
*CENSORCENSORCENSOR* thingy! Hehe... ^^  
Fara-san! I'll put more about that 'Mauve', promise!! Action... I'm not good at writing   
actions, oh, but I know what you are trying to point out! Thanks for the advise and  
the review! ^^ And for reading, of course!   
Venedy-san! I thought you've forgotten about this fic! All the letters of your review  
are in uppercase... so I supposed you are screaming there! Hehe! Excitement?? Thanks   
for reading! ^^  
  
DOMO TO EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!! ^_____^  
-=Kamui Kinomoto=- 


	8. Abyss

Teenage Dirtbag  
  
Part Eight- Abyss  
  
AN: To Oforsakendarknesso0-san, before reading this whole chapter, I beg you to   
  
PLEASE read first my note for you there below. I know I was careless so please   
  
forgive me...! Oh! And this chapter is for you! °_°  
  
…And to Futagoakuma-tenshi01-san, I apologize because I admittedly kinda  
  
messed up with your name there in my AN in the last chapter. I'M SO SORRY,   
  
ONEGAI FORGIVE ME!!! I'm only human, born to make mistake... hey, I think   
  
that's a song… =_=;;…   
  
  
  
  
  
…I was on a high when I typed chapter seven and the tranquilizer was delivered   
  
late, I guess… Minna-san, please forgive my carelessness….*bows uncountable   
  
times until head loosens* *horrid* ...And I have a huge problem... I can't open   
  
my e-mail... there's definitely a problem with it. Hrrrm.... *sniff*   
  
  
  
  
  
Lastly, I can't blame you if you'll find that this chapter sucks because this is   
  
another step to the more exciting chapters. This is kinda like a "Q&A" between   
  
Sei-chan, Fuuma, and Kamui-chan. I promise that you'll not get any of this again   
  
in the near future but I still hope that you'll enjoy! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
He's smiling. A cryptic one. I feel like crying.  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm afraid.  
  
  
  
  
  
Sakura petals are now starting to float around me. They are beautiful but they   
  
can be very dangerous.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Am I interrupting something here?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"S--- seishirou…? W-- what are you doing here? Strolling in a dark street is not   
  
the best thing to do at night… I guess." Fuuma stammers while his eyes are glued   
  
at Seishirou's presence.   
  
  
  
  
  
I'm not so sure but… is it just me or Fuuma's fingers are actually trembling?   
  
  
  
  
  
"I think I shall ask you the same thing, Fuuma, MY beloved." Seishirou says   
  
while breathing out the cigarette smoke from inside of his mouth. I wish… just   
  
how I wish… that sooner or later, he'd die because of lung cancer. An illiberal   
  
wish but I mean it.   
  
  
  
  
  
Oh wait. My desperateness shows up its ugly head once more.   
  
  
  
  
  
Now, I don't know what to do again. If Seishirou desires to kill me, I doubt   
  
that I'll be able to escape. I mean… survive. I'll end up losing the existence   
  
that I think I never have had.   
  
  
  
  
  
He continues, "We've just finished dating, haven't we? And there you are wooing   
  
that kid you have just met a while ago. Stabbing me in the back?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma just smirks, the one he usually plays with with his lips, "Grudging, huh? I'm   
  
not wooing him. Have no intention to. He's not my type. I don't go for skinny   
  
boys. Well sometimes, I do go. But just to play."   
  
  
  
  
  
That blows me. I know that for a long time already.  
  
  
  
  
  
But does he really need to declare that in front of me?   
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou ignores what Fuuma has said then continues, "Awwww… don't tell me you   
  
didn't enjoy what we have done a while ago? You've already forgotten, huh? Just   
  
because of that Shirou-kun? That's an insult to my ego, do you know that, Fuuma?   
  
And you know that that's the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I hate   
  
that."  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma walks closer to Seishirou, smiling seductively. He leaves me behind, not   
  
knowing what should I do. I can run, but I fear that if ever I'd try to, Seishirou   
  
would just really consider killing me. We can sort this thing out, right? We can   
  
talk about this firmly, right? … without curtains, right…?  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh no. Now, I really feel like crying.   
  
  
  
  
  
"You are so humdrum sometimes, didja know that?" Fuuma comments to Seishirou   
  
while smiling VERY attractively. He's so gorgeous that I want to drool over him.   
  
But now, as you can see it, is not the right time for that senselessness.   
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou raises his right hand then starts caressing the line of Fuuma's   
  
jawbone. The cigarette's still at the center of his two fingers and it can   
  
nearly touch Fuuma's cheek. "You think I'll believe you, ne?" He says while   
  
smiling sweetly but I know that there's more behind that. I notice Fuuma   
  
squirmed with that a bit. Why…?  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay. Maybe I'm just daydreaming… I mean 'nightdreaming'. So what if that's not   
  
funny? I have no intention to amuse anyone this time, you know.   
  
  
  
  
  
A while ago, I just can stare at them.  
  
  
  
  
  
But now, I feel jealousy arouses inside of me.   
  
  
  
  
  
I know I have no right to. But those beautiful stares and attractive smiles   
  
they've been sharing with each other are too much…!   
  
  
  
  
  
I suffer with that everyday in school.  
  
  
  
  
  
Why do I need to still suffer with that right now?  
  
  
  
  
  
I always thought that the campus is a hell on earth. Not because I hate studying   
  
or taking exams. I've thought of that because the campus is the place wherein I   
  
can usually see Fuuma and Seishirou together. I thought that if I'm not in   
  
school, I'm free of that anguish.   
  
  
  
  
  
But their togetherness always hunts me.   
  
  
  
  
  
"You'll believe me." Fuuma answers to Seishirou.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hmm? Why should I? You've played false a lot of times already."  
  
  
  
  
  
"You know that's not true." Slowly, Fuuma leans forward to reach for Seishirou's   
  
neck. His eyes are half-opened beautifully and his crimson lips are aiming to kiss it.   
  
"You know you hold me at the neck," Fuuma says and I can seriously sense   
  
abhorrence in his voice. No. Maybe I'm just pushing that opinion of mine because   
  
I just can't accept the truth that Fuuma loves Seishirou very much.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'm not a simpleton, Fuuma." Seishirou gently pushes Fuuma away from him. Fuuma's   
  
startled at first but he immediately shows off that usual heart-melting smile of his.   
  
He straightens himself up then latches his right hand at his neck. Caressing it   
  
himself. Managing to seduce me more even though I know that he does that to   
  
inveigle not me but Seishirou.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Sure, you are not. What are you trying to point out?"   
  
  
  
  
  
"You do know the consequences you're gonna face with if ever you mess up with   
  
me, don't you? Do I need to know something? Why are you together?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Nothing at all. We're not together. We've just crossed with each other. And   
  
with you." Fuuma chuckles, faking, "Haha! Whatta-whatta coincidence!"   
  
  
  
  
  
With that, Seishirou transfers his gaze at me.  
  
  
  
  
  
He slowly walks towards me.  
  
  
  
  
  
My turn to squirm.   
  
  
  
  
  
I can feel beads of sweats crawling down my cheeks. I feel like I'm going under a   
  
test with that eye of his fasten at me.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Nice seeing you, Shirou-kun." Upsetting seeing you. I want to reply at him.  
  
  
  
  
  
He smiles at me. I only look down. I don't want to smile at him. I can't even   
  
force myself to look at him because his eye is like stabbing me. I'm so much   
  
afraid of him.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Is Fuuma saying the truth?" He asks me.  
  
  
  
  
  
I try to answer but I don't know what to say. My jaw is shaking violently now.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Is he?" He's prodding the question now. I look up at Fuuma.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma's staring at me eagerly and I know that that stare means: "ANSWER!"  
  
  
  
  
  
I look at Seishirou now, "H--- he is… saying… the-- t--truth…."   
  
  
  
  
  
"Really? So you are strolling the dark and cold street all by yourself? Wait,   
  
Fuuma. I think I shall ask you first. Why are you here outside?" He looks back   
  
at Fuuma.  
  
  
  
  
  
I discern that Fuuma gulps thickly. He ponders for a second.  
  
  
  
  
  
My own fault that Fuuma and I are in a big distress. I want to bang my head on   
  
the wall.   
  
  
  
  
  
If only I've told him that I can certainly go home all by myself!  
  
DAMN YOU, SAKURAZUKA! If only I could shout that without dying.  
  
  
  
"I… You see… I was really on my way to your house." That's a good one, Fuuma. I   
  
think Fuuma gets himself out of trouble now.   
  
  
  
Oh, no! How about me? What should I tell Seishirou to be able to get away with   
  
this?!   
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou laughs derisively, "You're joking! You've just left my house! You miss   
  
me already? Oh that was very sweet of you, darling!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Well, I… left something in your house." Fuuma raises an eyebrow to Seishirou   
  
while smiling.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Really now? Hmm… what might it be?"  
  
  
  
  
  
I see Fuuma secretly clenches his fist aggressively. I think it's not meant for   
  
Seishirou to see.  
  
  
  
  
  
Then, he smiles suggestively at his lover, "Well… it's not really a thing that   
  
such minor like Shirou here should hear. I think it's inappropriate for us to   
  
influence Shirou with the 'mature's stuff'."  
  
  
  
  
  
I know what he's trying to say. Maybe an underwear, no?   
  
  
  
  
  
Err… I shake my head furiously but just mentally.   
  
  
  
  
  
What the hell am I thinking in the middle of a disaster?! I'm so ridiculous!   
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou grins, "I see….. That was an alluring answer, my honey. But I don't   
  
believe you yet."  
  
  
  
  
  
He gazes back at me, and so is Fuuma.  
  
  
  
  
  
"How about you, Shirou-kun? Can you tell me?" The Death asks me. Ya, he is   
  
Death. You believe me, right?  
  
  
  
  
  
I want to kill him! Really! Why should he ask us those stuff!? Is he in the   
  
position to?! The hell he cares of what we are doing here outside! Is that a   
  
crime now?! If that is, then why is he also here outside!?! Shouldn't we ask him   
  
the same thing!?  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay. I know we will, or I mean I, will die if I defy to.   
  
  
  
  
  
I sigh then suck my lower lip.  
  
  
  
  
  
What am I going to say?  
  
  
  
  
  
"I… ahh… I'm w--- waiting for someone… I'm meeting with him…"   
  
  
  
  
  
"Oooh… Am I prying on your personal affair now? Hmm, I think whom you are meeting   
  
with is so rude. It's not a nice thing to let you wait here at dark, is it?"  
  
  
  
  
  
He accepts my answer. Whew.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Yes, it is… M-- maybe… he has just stumbled with something… heaven knows   
  
what…" Did I say the right words? Will he believe me?  
  
  
  
  
  
"Mmmm…" He smiles, "Can I ask you something again?"   
  
  
  
  
  
I know I can't answer 'no' to him. That would be a small word that could lead me   
  
to my grave.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I think he has said enough. That's out of our concern now. Come on, Seishirou.   
  
Let's proceed to your house. Let's just leave him alone." Fuuma suggests.   
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou elegantly drops his cigarette stick to the ground. What does that   
  
mean? That's not a big deal, no?  
  
  
  
  
  
He smiles at Fuuma again, "But darling, my curiosity burns me. Shirou-kun will   
  
let me know, will he not?"   
  
  
  
  
  
They both look at me again.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ne? Shirou-kun?" Seishirou wants an answer so badly.   
  
  
  
  
  
I slowly nod my head. Meaning giving him the chance to examine me or   
  
whatever-he-wanna-call-that. My eyes still heavy, looking downwards. While   
  
Fuuma's like blazing.   
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou nods again with a smile. That smile he always forms with his lips is   
  
starting to get into my nerves. "Well, who's that you are waiting for?"  
  
  
  
  
  
I look at Fuuma, like I'm asking him to help me to get away with this. But I   
  
know he doesn't care about me at all. I have to get away with this myself.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Well, Seishirou. The devil we care about that!" Fuuma says to his goddamn   
  
baneful lover.   
  
  
  
  
  
So… Fuuma helps me after all. I'm in the realm of glory. Thank you, Fuuma…  
  
  
  
  
  
"Shut up, Fuuma." Seishirou's so rude! Commanding his boyfriend to shut up!?!   
  
  
  
  
  
My turn to help Fuuma. But what am I to say?  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ummm…ahh… y-- you see… err…" I'm trying very hard to answer him but I can   
  
come up with none! I'm really going to end with this day! In five seconds, I'm dead.   
  
  
  
One…  
  
  
  
  
  
Two…  
  
  
  
  
  
Three…  
  
  
  
  
  
Four…  
  
  
  
  
  
Fi----  
  
  
  
  
  
"He's waiting for me. I'm so sorry, Kamui. I didn't mean to let you wait for so   
  
long."  
  
  
  
  
  
What the---!?!  
  
  
  
  
  
I immediately look back. Seishirou and Fuuma take a peek also.  
  
  
  
  
  
Wait… who the heaven….  
  
  
  
  
  
S-- Subaru!?!   
  
  
  
  
  
"Su… Subaru…?"  
  
  
  
  
  
What is he doing here?! Maybe he's looking for me. He said that maybe because he   
  
has overheard what's going on with the three of us here. Oh goodness, Subaru!   
  
  
  
  
  
Thank you! Now I've already realized that I need you! My savior!  
  
  
  
  
  
He walks towards us. Fuuma's looking at him, rankled, while Seishirou stares at   
  
him from toe… to head… with dose of malice, I guess.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ooh… what a pretty boy you have there, Shirou-kun." He says while smiling at   
  
Subaru, "You are? Shirou's what?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru just looks at him directly at the eyes. Or… eye.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Sumeragi Subaru."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Kombanwa, … Subaru-kun," Seishirou greets.  
  
  
  
  
  
'Subaru-kun'?! I think Seishirou really is nuts.  
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru didn't pay attention at that at all then adds, "I am Kamui's r---"  
  
  
  
  
  
I disrupt Subaru immediately, "He-- he's my boyfriend! Yeah! Boyfriend!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Huh??" Subaru looks at me, obviously wondering.   
  
  
  
  
  
I've said that because I need to make Seishirou believe that Fuuma's not   
  
stabbing him in the back! That's the only way I can help Fuuma. I think that   
  
even though he loves Seishirou, he's still a bit afraid of him. I don't have a   
  
basis but that's what my inner-self whispers to me.   
  
  
  
  
  
Maybe announcing to them that Subaru is my boyfriend is not the best thing to do   
  
but I'm so befuddled! Confused!   
  
  
  
  
  
I look up at Subaru; my violet eyes widen, begging him to answer 'yes'. "Right,   
  
Subaru!?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru muses while my eyes are glaring at his, hard.   
  
  
  
  
  
"It's like Subaru-kun here is declining you, Shirou-kun." That bastard says   
  
while smiling, obviously teasing but in an evil way.   
  
  
  
  
  
I take a glimpse at Fuuma.   
  
  
  
  
  
Is he… stupefied?   
  
  
  
  
  
Why did I say so?? Because his eyes are dim, looking at nothing. Expressionless.   
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru is now staring at me with concern eyes. I mean… eye. "Kamui….?" He   
  
whispers.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Subaru… You love me, right…? You are my lover, right…?" I give him a forced   
  
nod. Smiling nervously. My jaw is still trembling. I hope he gets what I'm   
  
trying connote.   
  
  
  
  
  
You see… I'm doing this crap for no one but Fuuma. I'm so rude to use Subaru.   
  
Subaru, the only one who has been loving me sincerely. I hate myself. People  
  
around me become damned because of me.   
  
  
  
  
  
I have no intention to hook Subaru with this but I can do nothing else.   
  
  
  
  
  
I can't blame anyone if they'll call me selfish. But they should try to put   
  
themselves in my shoes then maybe they'll understand.   
  
  
  
  
  
Just then, Subaru nods, "Yes, I do."  
  
  
  
  
  
He looks back at Seishirou then says, "I'm Kamui's boyfriend."  
  
  
  
  
  
I sigh with that. I'm very sorry, Subaru. If only I can tell this to him.   
  
  
  
  
  
I know Seishirou doesn't really believe him. And… Fuuma…? His clenched fist is   
  
trembling more roughly…? Are his eyebrows meeting?  
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou's smile widens some more. His gaze at Subaru becomes perilous.   
  
  
  
  
  
Now Sakura petals are starting to float around Subaru. But gracefully. Like…   
  
they delight Subaru. Or Subaru delights them.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Prove to me." Seishirou utters three simple words.  
  
  
  
  
  
…but I know that those mean much.  
  
  
  
  
  
With that, Fuuma clasps his arm around Seishirou's, "That's too much bullshit,   
  
Sei! Let's go! You've already known what you wanted to! Let's leave the two of   
  
them!" He's frowning.  
  
  
  
  
  
"But this is getting interesting, Fuuma, honey."  
  
  
  
  
  
'Well, I'm not interested! We've wasted a lotta time already!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"The hell I am. Don't be a moron."  
  
  
  
  
  
I gulp. This is getting so far…  
  
  
  
  
  
But Subaru let this to be..., "How should I?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou grins sweetly, damn not again. And says nothing in return.  
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru takes that. What is he going to do now?  
  
  
  
  
  
Soon afterwards, he puts his arms around my waist then grabs my right hand.   
  
Moving me a lot closer to him.  
  
He leans down. Closes his eyes.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Suba----!?"  
  
  
  
  
  
But before I can even finish saying his name…  
  
  
  
  
  
…He imprisons my mouth with his.  
  
  
  
  
  
I think I've heard Fuuma gasps.   
  
  
  
  
  
-Tsuzuku.  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
AN: You can curse me if you wish to! But please be gentle! =^_^=  
  
If you're going to review, please tell me who your favorite X chara/s is/are! And your  
  
favorite pairing, too, I insist! ^^ Please let me know! Not only that it will make me   
  
aware of your favorites, it will also help me continuing this fanfic!   
  
THANKS, EVERYONE! ^^  
  
First, I want to scream OFORSAKENDARKNESSO0-SAMA!!!! YOU REVIEWED   
  
CHAPTER SIX!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I thought you did not! I'm sorry if I wasn't   
  
able to put a message for you (even though I know that it really doesn't mean   
  
much…? But for me, it's a big deal…). You know, when I was reading the reviews, I   
  
wasn't able to read yours… maybe I sorta like accidentally skipped through it. For   
  
a long time, I thought you didn't review (that's also one of the reasons why I   
  
updated chapter seven so late because I was kinda like whining for days because I   
  
thought you didn't like it). It was TOO LATE (and I DO MEAN TOO LATE to the   
  
extent that I've already posted chapter seven) when I rechecked the reviews and   
  
found out that you reviewed. Forgive me, onegai! I hope you aren't infatuated   
  
with me because I'll die if you are. Anyways, my fault… So this chapter is   
  
especially for you, oforsakendarknesso0-san… =_=v   
  
Okay...   
  
DARKNESS-SAN!!!!!!!! I thank you again for the piccies! You just don't know   
  
how much it helped me! I was able to write this chapter because of that! This   
  
chapter is also for you! I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE not only the pictures but also  
  
the thought. You really are so generous! And again, thank you for that small note   
  
you gave me! Thank you so much! I just can't stop saying 'Thank You'! I hope you   
  
liked this chapter even though I personally think that this is a poor one. But I've   
  
worked hard with this so I just wish and pray that you all enjoyed this. Especially   
  
you! Ô_Ô  
  
Phoenix-san!!! I've read your GnR chapter 12 already and WHEW! It was SO   
  
FANTASTIC! I was clapping all the way after I've finished reading it!!!! WHATTA NICE   
  
SCENE BETWEEN THOSE TWO MARVELOUS BOYS!!!!!!!! I hope like you, I'll also be   
  
able to write a cute kiss scene between Fuuma and Kamui in this fic! Hmm... in   
  
this fic...???? O.o Oh, I think that's way far! Maybe on chapter 567,903... when  
  
we finally get rid of Sei-chan... =_=v ^^  
  
¤¤Thank you to all those who reviewed! Your reviews and advises are highly   
  
treasured! And to those who will review this chapter, DOMOOOOOO!!!!! ^^ If you  
  
have noticed, I didn't actually put a reply for all. Hmm... I'm afraid because I might  
  
skip someone's review again or forget to put a reply and I think that's quite unfair.   
  
But I promise to include it in chapter nine! Please wait for it if you think that's a bit   
  
important...! And in that time, I'll be more careful!^^ Thanks again to all! I appreciate   
  
that you are appreciating what I've been writing!¤¤  
  
-=Kamui Kinomoto=- 


	9. Sinner

Teenage Dirtbag  
  
Part Nine- Sinner  
  
AN: *does a happy dance* Minna-san! Heloooo!!!!!!! ^^ This is shorter, I'm sorry!  
  
But I hope you'll like this! This is the step to loads *exaggerated* of shounen-ai   
  
scenes! Yes, yes, I promise to put shounen-ai scenes from now on!^^ Okay...   
  
*drumrolls* I now present you chapter nine!!!!! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
Gentle. But full of burning love.   
  
  
  
  
  
My mouth is locked with his.  
  
  
  
  
  
Should I pull out? Or should I let him continue?  
  
  
  
  
  
Should I kiss him back?  
  
  
  
  
  
If I'll kiss Subaru back, will Seishirou already believe that we're lovers and   
  
leave the crap out of us? Out of me?  
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru's like drawing my soul out of my body. But in a very moderate way.  
  
  
  
  
  
I want to pull away, but his fingers are awfully pierced at my waist, his other   
  
hand fastened at my right one.  
  
  
  
  
  
What's happening around? Is Fuuma still there? Is he watching us?  
  
  
  
  
  
I know this doesn't make any sense. I know he doesn't see this as a big deal.   
  
  
  
  
  
So what if someone's kissing me? The hell he cares.   
  
  
  
  
  
But I want him to know that I don't want this. I would like this if he were the   
  
one… kissing me. If it is his mouth currently playing with mine. If it is his   
  
saliva I taste.   
  
  
  
  
  
I want to burst out into a cry and shout to everybody that it is Fuuma I love. I   
  
don't care if they don't care. I just want everybody to know.   
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru's kissing me. This isn't new anymore. I've experienced him kissing me   
  
already.   
  
  
  
  
  
That moment I almost gave up my love for Fuuma. That night I almost lost the   
  
most precious feeling I have inside of me, despite the fact that it's also that   
  
feeling which always causes me pain and frustration. But I don't care. As far as   
  
it is only I feeling the pain, and I can still stand it, I'll continue feeling.   
  
I'll continue loving.   
  
They say that if a person doesn't care about his own good, he doesn't love   
  
himself.   
  
  
  
And if he doesn't love himself, he'll not be able to love others.   
  
Is that true?  
  
  
  
Pain seems to be my cup of tea. Crying seems to be my hobby. Desperateness seems   
  
to be my friend. With these things I'm with, do you think I should still love   
  
myself? I let those things happen to me. Why? Because I can indeed do nothing to   
  
prevent it. Do you think I'm worthy of such life?   
  
  
  
Okay… Maybe I should stop thinking such imbecilic stuffs.   
  
  
  
  
  
Thinking, thinking, thinking…. I didn't notice that I'm already giving in to the   
  
kiss.   
  
  
  
  
  
"That's it! Let me leave the hell out of here!" I hear Fuuma… growled…?   
  
  
  
  
  
You heard him, Kamui! Now snap the hell out of this!   
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh Fuuma, why have you suddenly gone mad?" Seishirou starts his surly teasing   
  
again.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I haven't gone mad! This is so witless, Sei! I wouldn't have guess that you'll   
  
actually come up with a freakin' idea that is so corrupt as this!" He turns to us, "The   
  
two of you! Try checking-in in a hotel for good! All of you are wasting my   
  
time!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Say that again." Seishirou says, almost like a threat.   
  
  
  
  
  
…And Fuuma shuts up with that.   
  
  
  
  
  
I can't breath anymore! Can Subaru still manage breathing?!  
  
  
  
  
  
I scratch my fingers at his chest, wanting him to know that I already want him to   
  
stop.  
  
  
  
  
  
Glad he understands that.   
  
  
  
  
  
He pulls away. Our body, including our lips finally has separated. Finally.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Kamui….", is the first thing Subaru says after that foolishness Seishirou has   
  
provoked us.   
  
  
  
  
  
My eyes are widening now. It finally comes to my senses that that shouldn't have   
  
happened!  
  
  
  
  
  
"Fuu---! No! I mean! Ah--!" I want to explain. I want to confess. But what's the   
  
use?  
  
  
  
  
  
"Okay. Good boys, best wishes." Seishirou winks.   
  
  
  
  
  
There. He already has gotten what he wanted to. I hope… he's happy now.   
  
  
  
  
  
I want… to die. I find this more terrible than Seishirou killing me and burying   
  
me under a tree. I don't want Fuuma to think that I'm a phony. That I'm a   
  
low-life. Even in my dreams I didn't foresee this flippancy happening. Is this   
  
what I got for loving Fuuma? Is this the punishment I deserve because I love a   
  
person who is a god in his own way?   
  
  
  
  
  
I remember Nataku has said /The world is like punishing me. BUT I HAVE DONE   
  
NOTHING WRONG! Is loving Fuuma wrong?!?/   
  
  
  
  
  
…We are being punished, aren't we?  
  
  
  
  
  
Yes… Maybe loving Fuuma really is wrong. Therefore I should tell Nataku that he   
  
has done something wrong… and that 'wrong' is 'loving Fuuma'.   
  
  
  
  
  
If loving Fuuma is wrong, then I can in no way be right.   
  
  
  
  
  
Hah. I read that somewhere and I never thought that I could use it here.   
  
  
  
  
  
But it's true. I'll choose to be wrong forever than curb myself from loving   
  
Fuuma Monou. Maybe you're thinking that it's my fault I feel such pain because I   
  
insist loving Fuuma but I've said that I'm used to it, right? So don't mind me.   
  
Stop thinking.   
  
  
  
  
  
Okay… you can slap me right now and tell me I'm already insane.   
  
  
  
  
  
With these, I haven't noticed that I'm already sobbing. My shoulders trembling.   
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru wraps two protective arms around me then fondles my head affectionately.   
  
I don't know but I quite feel safer now. Subaru. His arms give me warmth. This   
  
is the first time I feel such warm from Subaru's care. He often caresses me,   
  
hisses me sweet and gentle words, embraces me…   
  
  
  
  
  
But I've never appreciated those. Maybe because I never have paid any attention.   
  
  
  
  
  
Hai… I admit that I'm relishing it now. Perhaps because I was just so much   
  
afraid a while ago and I was praying for protection. And yes, I have it now.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Why, Kamui…? Why are you sobbing…?" Subaru's eye is gazing at me, full of care.   
  
I force out a small smile, still a part of the game that I admit I've started.   
  
  
  
  
  
"N-- nothing… I don't know…" I manage to whisper.  
  
  
  
  
  
I take a peek at Fuuma. He's still stupefied and I have a feeling that he'll   
  
forever be. I'm starting to feel that he cares.   
  
  
  
  
  
I sigh mentally. I know that would never happen.  
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru turns to Seishirou then gives the devil a callous eye, "Do you believe me   
  
now?"   
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou just smiles then pull out a cigarette stick and a lighter from his   
  
satchel. Lit it and then starts his 'habit' again, "Yes, I do believe you now,   
  
Subaru-kun. See you around."   
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru didn't even flinch a bit then transfers his callousness at Fuuma. And yes   
  
I gulp with that.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I heard you are Fuuma. Do you believe us now? Are you satisfied?" He asks.  
  
  
  
  
  
No, Subaru! You asked the wrong person! This is not Fuuma's game…!   
  
  
  
  
  
"Don't ask me for I don't give a damn." Fuuma answers, more callous than Subaru   
  
is. "I'm going home. This is nothing but a fucking nonsensical scene."  
  
  
  
  
  
Yes, Fuuma, you're right there.  
  
  
  
  
  
He starts walking, eyes press shut, "I'm going home."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I thought you'll get something from my house", Seishirou calls back. But Fuuma   
  
rather ignores it.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Where's my goodnight kiss?" Seishirou calls back once again, not wanting to   
  
Fuuma go.   
  
  
  
  
  
Apathetically, Fuuma turns back to Seishirou then grants the wish.   
  
  
  
  
  
A kiss. A wet one. A very, very passionate one.  
  
  
  
  
  
I can only watch. I can only wish I were Seishirou.  
  
  
  
  
  
That rough burning kiss. Fuuma's way of expressing his intense love for this   
  
person… person named Seishirou. Not Kamui.  
  
  
  
  
  
Through that kiss, Fuuma's like shouting right in front of my face that he also   
  
has the right to exchange a kiss with the person he loves.   
  
  
  
  
  
It's only my illusion but it hurts.  
  
  
  
  
  
I watch them. More dishearten than ever. I want to cry but I know that even if I   
  
do, Fuuma will not stop from kissing Seishirou. I can't describe what I'm   
  
feeling now. I feel more and more hopeless. I feel like weakening. I feel like   
  
collapsing.  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm ready to collapse but Subaru's arms are still here to support me. He presses   
  
me closer to his chest and I can now his heartbeat. I wish Fuuma's beats the   
  
same way.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Are you okay now, Kamui?" Subaru spreads my blanket up. Covering my whole body.   
  
  
  
  
  
This day is finally ending. Subaru and I are finally home. I'm already lying   
  
down my bed. My very own bed. Not Kakyou-san's. Not underneath a Sakura tree.   
  
  
  
  
  
I'm alive though the scene a while ago almost killed me.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Yes, Subaru… Thank you…" This is the first time I actually said the word 'Thank   
  
You' to Subaru because often, I tell him to shut up or get off.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I'll not ask what happened anymore because I know it will only distress you   
  
more."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Don't you want to know…?" I whisper. A trick. A trick to know if he will take the   
  
opportunity to impose me again.   
  
  
  
  
  
He only shakes his head and takes out a deep breath, "I want to. But I know you   
  
don't want me to."  
  
  
  
  
  
He leans down, brushes his lips against my forehead. That's warm. I smile with   
  
that.  
  
  
  
  
  
…smile with that…  
  
  
  
  
  
"Forget everything that has happened. Sleep well, Kamui…" He whispers, his soothing   
  
breath touching my ear. It feels so nice.  
  
Forget everything. Guess that would work.  
  
But it's not that easy to do.  
  
  
  
  
  
He stands up. He's staring at me sincerely, "Just call me if you need   
  
something."  
  
  
  
  
  
I nod gently, then close my eyes. I know I'm safe now.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I love you, Kamui…" Subaru says under his breath. I hear that. I'm happy to   
  
hear that despite my feebleness, somebody still loves me. But I can't do the same.  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh now I'm thinking the exact opposite about Subaru the way I used to.   
  
  
  
  
  
I hear the door closes. Subaru's out now.   
  
  
  
  
  
Guess what. There's only one thing I've discovered with this day.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma is a sin.  
  
  
  
  
  
A gorgeous sin that you can't help but to commit it and become a sinner.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I've already talked to Ms. Director and I told her what you wanted me to. I   
  
told her that you back out because your schedule doesn't fit with the rehearsal   
  
times. I exactly know that she doesn't believe but I know she understands."   
  
Keiichi spins.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're sulking, Kamui… Daijobu?" He finally notices. He doesn't have any clue   
  
on how my yesterday ended.  
  
  
  
  
  
Lunch time. We're here again at the campus' backyard. Birds are singing   
  
cheerfully. I appreciate that so little and now I appreciate not even a little   
  
of it. I feel so jaded.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No reply as usual. Umm… Kamui, have you already heard about the latest humors?"   
  
  
  
I'm astounded but I'm listening to him. I shake my head. I have no time for much   
  
more silliness.   
  
  
  
  
  
" 'Verboten Love' vanished. " He says. And that slaps me.   
  
  
  
  
  
I look at him, my facial expression already enough for him to understand that   
  
I'm surprised.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No main characters. Obviously the play's dead." He starts grimacing.   
  
  
  
  
  
"What do you mean?" I ask.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Nataku has withdrawn. He talked to me a while ago and confessed to me that his   
  
conscience almost killed him. He knows that you are much more deserving of the   
  
role."  
  
  
  
  
  
"How about his love for Fuuma? I spoiled the opportunity and he did the same?!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"That. That's the shocking news. Fuuma has confronted the director and guess   
  
what! Fast! Guess what!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Here goes Keiichi again, confusing me. "What…?"   
  
  
  
  
  
"He abandoned his role! He shouted, 'If Shirou Kamui won't play Tsuki, I'll   
  
quit! I'm a big risk, have you realized that? No Tsuki, no Asahi! Get him back   
  
or you'll gonna go look for two main characters!'. Then the director pleaded,   
  
'Monou-kun, why are you doing this to us? We should understand him. He doesn't   
  
want to do it anymore. We'll look for somebody better than him. We can't afford   
  
to loose you now.'. Then he said, 'You heard me! I'm already accustomed with   
  
him!'. The director again, 'But you have done ONLY ONE practice scene with him!'.   
  
Then he left! Growling! NYAAAAH!!!!! Isn't that sweet?"  
  
  
  
  
  
I can't… believe what Keiichi has just said.   
  
  
  
  
  
Did Fuuma really say that? Did he…? I don't have an ear-defect, do I?   
  
  
  
  
  
"You'll say I'm on crack but I think Fuuma-kun has a crush on you! I often catch   
  
him stealing glances at you! Really! I'm saying the truth and nothing but the   
  
truth!" He swears right into my face.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Yes, Keiichi. You are on crack. H-- how did Seishirou react on that?"   
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, that's another story! Seishirou isn't around the whole day, you know?   
  
That's why his fanatics are so disappointed!"  
  
  
  
  
  
My eyes enlarge with that.   
  
  
  
  
  
Seishirou?!? Seishirou isn't around to guard Fuuma?   
  
  
  
  
  
In that case, miracles do happen.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Kamui, get the role back. Onegai, believe me! That's for you!" He says with   
  
puppy-eyes.  
  
Out of the blue, he grabs my wrist then drags me inside the campus building.   
  
  
  
  
  
"W--- where are you taking me…? Keiichi, let me go!" I scoff like a kid who's   
  
having his tantrums.   
  
  
  
  
  
He looks back at me, still tugging me. He's like frowning but when I'm already   
  
thinking that he's serious, he smiles, "I'll not let go of you." He grips my   
  
wrist more willfully this time.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I tell you! Let go! You're hurting me!" I cry out.   
  
  
  
  
  
He's not really hurting me. I just want him to let go of my wrist then let me   
  
walk without him pulling me like I did something wrong.  
  
"You don't want to do it yourself? Then I'll make you!" He exclaims.   
  
  
  
  
  
Just then, he stops. Then looses his grip.   
  
  
  
  
  
I realize that he has brought me here at Ms. Director's office. I think we shall   
  
know her name so that we could stop referring her in that way, no?   
  
  
  
  
  
I look inside. Then see Fuuma.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Have you convinced him to return yet?" He asks, almost snarling at the   
  
director.   
  
  
  
  
  
She just looks down, sighs, "Not yet. We haven't even talked to him. Mo----!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Now he's really snarling, "Get Shirou Kamui, okay!? That's my condition to play   
  
Asahi."  
  
  
  
  
  
He continues, "Three hours! I'll give you three hours to get him! Get him or no   
  
play!"   
  
  
  
  
  
Keiichi looks at me, amazed, "You heard that, Kamui?????"  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm dumbfounded.   
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma has… mentioned my name? He actually did that? I… I heard him!  
  
  
  
  
  
"Damn! Give me an answer right now!" He shouts, discharging all his left respect   
  
for the elder.   
  
  
  
  
  
Obliviously, I step in slowly.  
  
  
  
  
  
"K-- Kamui?? Where are you go---" I hear Keiichi calls back but I ignored him.  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm walking in. Until the director and Fuuma notice me.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Sh-- Shirou-kun…?" She's surprised.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma immediately gains his composure. "Mau---- oh, I mean… Shirou…..?"   
  
  
  
  
  
I blink five times. Why am I here? What am I doing?  
  
  
  
  
  
I open my mouth.   
  
  
  
  
  
I don't want to! I think I'm under a spell!   
  
  
  
  
  
Then I say, " Can I claim back the role I've forsaken?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma's eyes flaps with that.   
  
  
  
  
  
He's looking at me. Only at me. Believe me.  
  
  
  
  
  
I see and hear him let out a sigh of relief.   
  
Vast relief.  
  
Then with his lips quivering a bit, he forms out a smile.  
  
  
  
  
  
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-Tsuzuku.  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: MY REPLY TO YOUR REVIEWS FOR CHAPTER SEVEN!!!!! ^^ Please pretend that   
  
you didn't actually have reviewed and read chapter eight! ^^ Sometimes, my   
  
reaction is really delayed even though I didn't want it to be… *sigh*Oh, by the way, for  
  
my own shout-out, my number one favorite pairing of all time is CCS's Touya/Yukito. ^^  
  
But in X, obviously I love Fuuma/Kamui! And Fuuma/Kakyou! ^^ And I love   
  
KAMUI-CHAAAAAN!!!!!!!! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Dahlia-san I'll use it now since it is really your pen name!! ^^!!!!!   
  
ARIGATOU! THANK YOU! DANKEN SHON! *blushblushblush* Oh I don't know what to   
  
say….! I'm SUPER-ULTRA-EXTREME happy that you find my story wonderful!!! ^^   
  
*pouts* But being an addict is bad! o.O I don't want to be the cause of your   
  
addiction, or just make sure it's an innocent addiction, oki? Hehe! ^^ OH, HAI!   
  
I LIKE KAKYOU VERY MUCH!!! He's my…. Urmm…. *thinks of the X charas*   
  
*whispers: Kamui-chan… Fuu-chan… Subaru-kun… Kyou-kun… Kei-chan…   
  
Nataku-chan … Sei-chan…* …Kakyou's my fourth favorite!!! ^^ I thought it isn't   
  
obvious and no one could ever actually discern it, but you have noticed it?!? Cool!   
  
Daisuki, Dahlia-san! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Risa-san!!! Are you a SeishirouXFuuma girl?? You know I am, too, sometimes   
  
because they do look oh so very gorgeous together, don't they?? ^^ Thank you for   
  
R&R! ^__^  
  
  
  
  
  
Darkness-san!!!! Yes, Sei-chan has to be kept as a big mystery! I'm so proud to   
  
make your mind blank! *maniac laugh* ^^ But did you at least think that it was   
  
going to be a Q&A?? I'm so sorry for chapter eight, I ruined your expectations!!   
  
Yes, Kamui is so confused but I always make sure that he's still sane or else   
  
he'll not have Fuuma! ^^ I hope you'll always wait patiently! For the last time, let  
  
me thank you again! A-RI-GA-TO-U!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Arashi-san! Thanks! Fuuma came over but he was preoccupied! *sobs* Maybe because   
  
he still thinks about you! Hmmm…. *smirks* Or maybe he doesn't want to come back   
  
to you ever again because he's happy with my company and so he's thinking!   
  
Thinking how he will hide from you! NYAHAHAHAHA!!!! ^^   
  
Fuuma: No, no, no!!!!!!! Arashi-sama, that's so untrue!  
  
Kamui K.: *bonks Fuuma* You'll say that's true or I'll kick you out of this fic??  
  
Fuuma: I said I'll never go back to Arashi. *poutspoutspouts*  
  
  
  
  
  
Hokuto chan-san, you see there in chapter eight, Sei has met Subaru! That was   
  
actually my plan all along so that……….. *quiet* No, no, Sei-chan isn't being   
  
mean at all! ^^ He's just being cool! *_* Thanks again!   
  
  
  
  
  
Sharon-san! Hello! Thanks for reading! *eyes widen* NO, NO, NOOOO!!!! You don't   
  
have your guesses! *kidding* I'd reveal that Fuuma has been forced into   
  
_________ in the upcoming chapters little by little! ^^ OH! I like F4's songs,   
  
too, though I can't understand a word they're singing! *sweatdrops* But I   
  
actually search around for the translations! ^^ Eheheheh… But their voices and   
  
looks are undoubtedly cool! You should see Meteor Garden, you know! Its story is   
  
so cool, anyone who knows F4 should all get to check it out!   
  
  
  
  
  
Shinigami-san… I've noticed one thing in your review… where was the word   
  
"PAYCE"?? And can I know what does that mean?? You are absolutely welcome! And…   
  
you have been…...?? What, what??? Tell me! ^^ Thanks for reading again! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Featherlight-san! DOMO! I hope you still like Sei-chan because I still like Sei-chan! I   
  
don't want anyone to hate Sei-chan because of me! ^^ *me crazy*   
  
  
  
  
  
Fara-san! Domo! No actions yet but I'm planning to put some sooner or later! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
For a topic out of nowhere... Godzilla-san! O.o *whispers: The scary Godzilla actually   
  
submitted a message???* Yes, I watch Meteor Garden, it's really groovy and funny,   
  
isn't it? And I admire F4!! ^^ I love Vic Zhou Yu Ming a.k.a LEI the most because he has   
  
those tantalizing eyes that swoon me a lot! I also like Vaness because he's so darn   
  
KAWAII! How about you??? Ya! I agree with you! They are so cool! ^^ Have you seen the   
  
video "Broken Vow"? That features some hints about Meteor Garden II, ne?? I'm so   
  
excited about it! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Venedy-san! ^^ Thank you! ^o^ No, I think Fuuma's not that harsh… just a little   
  
hot! ^^ Oh! And like what I've said, I admire all of the F4 guys but I love Vic   
  
Zhou the most because he's so bishounen and his voice is really cool!! How about   
  
you?? Who's your number one?? And nooooo… am not a Malaysian, why, are you? Ô.Ô   
  
I'm a Filipino! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Futagoakuma-tenshi01-san I hope I'm correct this time! =_=;; Because Kamui   
  
and Kakyou were clueless, they became a lot cuter, ne? ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Missblu-san! ^___^ Thank you so much, you love the story! This started out as a   
  
simple fanfic, that angst and all that's why I can't believe that some people   
  
are actually going to like this! *blush* Thank you, you're an inspiration! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
FANNY CHAN-SAN!!!!!!! No more cliffhanger! ^^ OH, I didn't realize that I actually   
  
put a lot of cliffhangers in the previous chapters…! Thanks for making me aware!   
  
Whoa, I love that thingy you called me! "Master of Cliffhangers"??? *giggles* Hmmm…   
  
Yes, though evil, Sei-chan really is a bishounen! Clover is an interesting manga and   
  
plus points because Mokona Apapa-sama did the art! Though its story is hanging   
  
now because Amie monthly manga phonebook where CLAMP released it is sadly now   
  
defunct. *sigh* I just hope that CLAMP will find a way to continue it because   
  
Clover really is a beautiful manga! Lastly, THANKS!! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Ishuzu-san! Now I'm really starting to believe Fanny chan-san… I'm sorry for   
  
always leaving you hanging in the endings of each chapter! Though I've noticed   
  
that you actually find it fun! ^^ Thank you, you're enjoying my fic! I'm so   
  
happy! You know I also enjoy reading your review because it gives me so much   
  
inspiration to continue this! ^^ Hmmm… I'm afraid that I'll not be able to   
  
update this in a regular basis now because opening of classes here is actually   
  
approaching! *sigh* But I promise to still do my best! ^^ Thanks again!   
  
  
  
  
  
Tuzuki-san! ^^ You know I found myself chuckling after reading your review! ^^ I   
  
actually do the same, running around the room after reading a fic that I love so   
  
much that's why I understand you! ^^ Forgive me for making you feel that way! ^^   
  
DOMO!!!! Sei-chan is a HOT evil villain! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Madiha-san! Thank you! ^^ I hope that I can always make you interested! Ô_Ô  
  
  
  
  
  
Inuyashalover17-san! ^^ I'm so happy you've loved this X fic of mine! I'll write   
  
some more and twist some more because I don't in fact know yet how to end this!   
  
^^;; I'm just going with the flow! (^_^)v  
  
  
  
  
  
Shini_kun-san! I'm evil….?? *SOBSSOBSSOBS* Don't worry *sniffs* it didn't bother   
  
*sniff* me… Hihi! ^^ I hate myself!!! Graaaaa!!!!! *bangs head on the ground* I   
  
don't like anyone to hate Sei-chan but I actually made everyone!!! *recovers* ^^   
  
Anyways, thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad to know how   
  
you all have felt after reading this fic! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Well….. I think I've taken a lot of space for this…. O.o I'll just reply for   
  
your reviews on chapter eight in chapter ten! Oh how I want to explain things   
  
out so you can understand me…! But that's a different story altogether… *sigh*   
  
  
  
  
  
Again, ARIGATOU, MINNA-SAN!!!!!!!! Till next chappie!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^   
  
-=Kamui Kinomoto=- 


	10. Windfalls

Teenage Dirtbag  
  
  
  
Part Ten- Windfalls   
  
AN: OH! Sorry this is SUPER LATE!!!! *bows* Classes!!! DAMNED CLASSES!!! Eheh…   
  
*calms down* My vacation SADLY has ended already….. Lots of homework   
  
already~~!!! And the first monthly exam! ; But it has came and gone! ^^  
  
Argh! The spacing! I wonder where the error is… maybe the PC I used… I used a  
  
different one... We have no Internet connection at home. *sigh* Good thing we can   
  
use the Internet here at school. ^^  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
I've said it.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You will, Shirou-kun?" The director asks me.  
  
  
  
  
  
I open my eyes wide. She's asking me something, isn't she?  
  
  
  
  
  
I look around. Other teachers' and students', who are up to something I know   
  
important, eyes are glued at our direction.  
  
  
  
  
  
Wait. Did I say something nasty? Why are they looking at me like that?  
  
  
  
  
  
I look at Fuuma again. He's… he is… smiling.  
  
  
  
  
  
Very beautiful.  
  
  
  
  
  
Not a smirk this time.  
  
  
  
  
  
Smile. A sweet one that any second now will send me melting down.  
  
  
  
  
  
If I've said something nasty, I know he'll not be smiling since I've noticed   
  
that he hates nastiness. Yes, he hates nastiness. I heard him shouted with miff   
  
yesterday night while Subaru and I were kissing.  
  
  
  
  
  
No. Forget about that incident. Subaru even has advised me to forget all that.  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay… now I'm really melting down. For a millionth time, I don't know what to do   
  
again.  
  
  
  
  
  
What's this? Why did my feet bring me here inside?  
  
  
  
  
  
"Are you really sure you want the role again?"  
  
  
  
  
  
I gulp. This feels odd. All eyes are glued at mine for the very first time. I'm   
  
not so used feeling this since I'm always ignored. Gods, even Fuuma's eyes are   
  
glued at me.  
  
  
  
  
  
"YES, YES!!!! Kamui wants the role back!!!!" I hear Keiichi emphasizes with so   
  
much joy and excitement.  
  
  
  
  
  
I look back at him, still my eyes in its utmost enlargement.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Sir, I'm talking with Kamui-san and it's his reply I want to hear."  
  
Hizashi-sensei tells Keiichi.  
  
  
  
  
  
Great thing I know how to address her already. There, I read it on her desk.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ooops…" Keiichi just smiles including a sweat-drop.  
  
  
  
  
  
I look at Hizashi-sensei again. I nod.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Great!" She exclaims ecstatically.  
  
  
  
  
  
I… what??? Why is she so glad?  
  
  
  
  
  
I remember… I've just nodded! A nod that means I'm sure that I want the role   
  
back!  
  
  
  
  
  
Idiot! Why is that my feeble-mindedness has to come out in this situation?!  
  
  
  
  
  
I feel like taking my decision back again but I think it's too late. And one is   
  
enough. Two is too much.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma clears his throat then changes the smile into a smirk. Damn. I like the   
  
smile and I'm seeing so rare of it.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Well that explains a lot." The only thing he can comment right now. Fuuma   
  
always talks less. Why wouldn't he repeat in front of me what he was just   
  
shouting a while ago? Hah. The hell I should demand.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, thank you very much, Shirou-kun! You just don't know what you have just   
  
done means!" She then takes my hand in her own then starts shaking it almost   
  
enthusiastically.  
  
  
  
  
  
I don't know how to react now.  
  
  
  
  
  
The only chance to be with Fuuma.  
  
  
  
  
  
That's this role.  
  
  
  
  
  
The role I hoped I'd have, the role I gave away for the sake of some altruism…   
  
is in my hands again.  
  
  
  
  
  
A way of playing, pretending, a small crap. Me portraying a different character.   
  
Fuuma playing as another person. Lame. I know. But that's all what it takes for   
  
me to have even just a tiny amount of his attention and time.  
  
  
  
  
  
Out of the blue, I feel someone pats my shoulder. I'm contemplating about a lot   
  
so I wasn't able to notice whose it right away.  
  
  
  
  
  
I look at the large hand, then look at the owner.  
  
  
  
  
  
Guess what.  
  
  
  
  
  
It's Fuuma's hand.  
  
  
  
  
  
I can feel my body heating up. I feel my heart stops beating.  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm a warm dead.  
  
  
  
  
  
Very odd, isn't it?  
  
  
  
  
  
"Omedetou again. I thought I'm going to disappoint Kakyou later with a bad news.   
  
A bad news that his newly found friend has lost an opportunity. Haha. You know   
  
your brain doesn't function that well, no?"  
  
  
  
  
  
I have to admit it. I'm not listening in his likely preaching. You probably know   
  
that I'm currently… staring at his hand and feeling the warm.  
  
  
  
  
  
Yes, this is not a dream. Nobody dare tell me that this is a dream please.  
  
  
  
  
  
I think I really am that lucky.  
  
  
  
  
  
Extreme lucky to experience moments of this kind.  
  
  
  
  
  
Right. I notice that I actually attain too much. And I care. Who wouldn't?  
  
  
  
  
  
This must be a sign. I hope this is.  
  
  
  
  
  
I nod. Nod again. And again. Staring at his eyes. I can't comment anything else.   
  
I'm lost in his golden, almost sharp eyes.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Aherm! Why do you always become like that when I'm talking with you? Just like   
  
yesterday afternoon. You're too preoccupied, boy."  
  
  
  
  
  
I just keep on nodding. Have not a plan to answer him. Have none to give.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I love you." Fuuma says forthrightly.  
  
  
  
  
  
Wha--!?  
  
  
  
  
  
And of course, that makes me snap the hell out of my thoughts.  
  
  
  
  
  
My eyes bulge. I thought it almost drop to the ground.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You--- ah---!!!" I stammer. My heart starts beating now and it's the fastest   
  
ever.  
  
  
  
  
  
Then, Fuuma giggles, "Hahaha! I never knew that that would work! So, are you   
  
with me now?"  
  
  
  
  
  
He has said the words 'I love you' as a joke…? To wake me up?  
  
  
  
  
  
No. I'm not angry at all. That actually makes me feel better. Think about it.  
  
  
  
  
  
Of all the words. Why 'I love you'?  
  
  
  
  
  
I know he knows that it would really strike me. But I want to give myself a more   
  
pleasant answer. Answer that will give me contentment and… peace of mind.  
  
  
  
  
  
…not to mention happiness.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ummm… are you with me now?" He asks again.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Y… yeah…?" I answer, still stumbling. Try to imagine how.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, you're not even sure with yourself. Oh little one, are you taking some… you   
  
know… prohibited drugs or some stuffs like that?"  
  
  
  
  
  
I force out a smile. Of course not. I'm not taking illegal drugs.  
  
  
  
  
  
What I'm showing now is my natural already. Stupid stuttering.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I… no… am not… Just…" Too much mumbo-jumbo of mine. He probably notices now   
  
that I have the hots for him.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Over of that, Shirou. Now…"  
  
  
  
  
  
He leans forward my shoulder. Sending not just warm chills but thunderbolts in   
  
my thin spines. Then, he touches the tip of it with his lower lip. And as you   
  
guess it, that makes me gulp. I try hard to place my eyes on what he is up to.  
  
  
  
  
  
He then whispers, "Forget yesterday night. Pretend nothing happened. Nothing   
  
happened. This is just the second time we've met with each other, all right? I   
  
want us, and the whole cast and staff, to be a good team. All right? You get   
  
what I mean?"  
  
  
  
  
  
His breath is so hot. This is the closest contact I ever have had with him. No.   
  
Not the hug one when we were making out a scene. That was sham.  
  
  
  
  
  
This one is true. He's doing this because he wants to.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I get it. I'll try…" I speak in a whisper.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No. Don't try. Do it." He requires.  
  
  
  
  
  
And I decided to follow him.  
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru has advised me the same thing. But hearing that straight from Fuuma's   
  
mouth is rapture.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Okay…" I answer with a genuine smile.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Good." He now jerks back then smiles again… I mean… smirks again.  
  
  
  
  
  
"So…" He gives Hizashi-sensei a seeking smile.  
  
  
  
  
  
She nods, eyes sparkling with bliss, "Thank goodness! There's a life for   
  
'Verboten Love' again! Whew! You all made me nervous! The Coordinator of   
  
School's Activities is already asking for the list of the participating students   
  
and I thought…" She rolls her eyes. "…I'll be resigning because I'll be able to   
  
present her none. Gods…," she murmurs playfully.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Enough ruffling our conscience, Hizashi-san. We're guilty, okay, okay?" Fuuma   
  
implies teasingly and that makes everyone chuckle.  
  
  
  
  
  
I don't get what's funny with that but I decided to laugh with them since it is   
  
Fuuma who has dropped the joke… or tease… oh wait… I don't exactly know what to   
  
call that.  
  
  
  
  
  
…And my own self-deception makes me burst out in a real chuckle.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Na, I guess this explains a lot?" Hizashi-san's nervousness and daunt have   
  
decided to fade away already.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hey, I think I've just said that a while ago," Fuuma emphasizes.  
  
  
  
  
  
And we all start laughing again.  
  
  
  
  
  
I sigh. Sigh of relief. Not the exasperated one I usually do. Then smile.   
  
  
  
  
  
I never knew that a lot could happen in just some couple of minutes.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma was just incensed a while ago and now, he's the one pulling out jokes.  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm disturbed about people's sudden change of attitudes. Wonder why Fuuma's   
  
like one of those.  
  
  
  
  
  
"So, minna, we'll see each other later afternoon for the finalization, okay? No   
  
one dare to back-out or else I'll have your heads, clear?" She declares and I   
  
know she's referring to what I did. And what Fuuma has almost did.  
  
  
  
  
  
Well that's okay. I know my bad.  
  
  
  
  
  
"HAI!" Everyone who's 'in it' replies.  
  
  
  
  
  
And yes. Including I.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You feel good, ne? You know that what you did is right, ne? You know you could   
  
never and should never turn your back again, ne? OH, KAMUI-KUN! Like yesterday,   
  
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU AGAIN!!!!! I hope we don't get to encounter a   
  
'Nataku-situation-like' later! I hate your martyrdom, do you know that?" Keiichi   
  
annotates while we are walking towards our lockers.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Whatever you say…" I grimace.  
  
  
  
  
  
Keiichi opens his locker and starts stuffing his books inside. I also open mine.   
  
He has made sure that his locker is close to mine. And luckily, my locker is   
  
just beside his. We like it that way. Friends like it that way, I guess.   
  
  
  
  
  
A certain folded piece of paper immediately catches my attention.   
  
  
  
  
  
"What the…" I murmur in wonder.  
  
  
  
  
  
I take the paper in my hands and slowly unfold it.   
  
  
  
  
  
A familiar penmanship.   
  
  
  
  
  
'Shirou-chan, I've heard that you were chosen to play one of the major roles in   
  
the upcoming grand school presentation! Honto ni? Omedetou, ne! I never expected   
  
such news! You have my support!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Yuzu-chan'   
  
  
  
  
  
I read the message and yes, there are exactly fourteen exclamation points.   
  
  
  
  
  
Yuzuriha…  
  
  
  
  
  
I almost forgot about her. The last time I've talked with her was about a couple   
  
of months ago already.   
  
  
  
  
  
The day we first met...  
  
She sat beside me in the school bus one time ago. I can't precisely remember the   
  
exact number of month.  
  
  
  
  
  
Actually, I just walk myself in going here. I think almost everyone does. That's   
  
way cooler. But during that time, it was raining very hard so we had no choice   
  
but to take the ride even though we're not so used of it.   
  
  
  
  
  
Yuzuriha plunged beside me and I thought that was the most significant event   
  
that I've encountered. A miracle. I was very surprised when she gave me a   
  
glistening smile and greeted me a very nice 'Hello!'.   
  
  
  
  
  
Then later she asked me if she could be my friend. Of course, I did not   
  
hesitate. A kind person like her only comes in my life once in a blue moon.   
  
  
  
  
  
We communicate with each other once in a while but not that much.  
  
  
  
  
  
She's one of nicest persons that I've ever came upon with. First to Kakyou-san, I   
  
think…  
  
  
  
  
  
Oh wait. There's a P.S. in her message. It's written… here… at the back.   
  
  
  
  
  
'The gentleman Sumeragi-san told me to look after you. He never wanted anything   
  
awkward to happen to you. Hey, I think he really loves you that much. Give the   
  
man a chance, he's really admirable and he deserves you, you deserve him, too.   
  
Na, you're a perfect match! Hi-hi! You see that lip-like drawing below this   
  
paper? I put some lipstick in his mouth and pushed him with all my might to kiss   
  
the paper!!! He was irritated at first and almost hit me but then he gave up!   
  
Nyaha, that's his lips! His kiss for you! Okay, I'll stop! Ja! ^^'  
  
  
  
  
  
Yuzuriha… Maybe she has a point.  
  
  
  
  
  
……  
  
  
  
  
  
First I'm pondering about Yuzuriha…  
  
  
  
  
  
…Now about Subaru…  
  
  
  
  
  
I stare at this red part. His lips shaped by the crimson lipstick.   
  
  
  
  
  
It makes me smile, include some blush.  
  
  
  
  
  
He even asked Yuzuriha to look after me.   
  
  
  
  
  
I touch my forehead. I remember when he kissed me last night. Subaru's lips   
  
still linger in it.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hey, Kamui…??? What's that? Can I see?" Keiichi appeals.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No, you can't. I'm sorry."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Unfair!" He then snatches the paper from me. A rude deed but he has done it in   
  
a cute way so I can't really get angry with him.   
  
  
  
  
  
"From Nekoi-chan, ee? Hmm… what's this weird…."   
  
  
  
  
  
Before he could even finish what he is muttering, I roar at him, "Keiichi!   
  
That's--- That's not weird! How dare you say-----!!"   
  
  
  
  
  
I pause.  
  
  
  
  
  
Soften my voice.  
  
  
  
  
  
"…It's not weird, okay…..?" I finish the sentence I started with a shout with a   
  
whisper.   
  
  
  
  
  
"W--- well… Gomen… This isn't weird, really. This is nice! Oh, who owns this   
  
thin nice pair of lips?" He smiles while balling me up. Pretty obvious that he's   
  
just balling me up to calm me from my previous tantrum.   
  
  
  
  
  
I blush harder this time.  
  
  
  
  
  
"S--- Subaru's…."   
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh… I see… This is nice…" He says while giving me back the paper.   
  
  
  
  
  
I get it then shove it inside my pants' pocket.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, I've almost forgotten! Class officers have a meeting! Ja ne, Kamui! I   
  
should go now! Take care! See ya tomorrow!" Keiichi then slams his locker door   
  
and goes off running.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Please! Stop! This is too much!" I yelp.  
  
  
  
  
  
No. I'm not in trouble again. We're just having an advance rehearsal. It's my   
  
turn while Fuuma's just sitting there, watching what we're doing. His part has   
  
just finished. He did very well. I admire him more and more. Hizashi-sensei has   
  
told him that he could assist in directing. Pretty talented Fuuma.   
  
  
  
  
  
This is the scene wherein Tsuki's classmates are having another tripping on him   
  
again.   
  
  
  
  
  
I think we're almost the same in this aspect. Just because we're frail.   
  
  
  
  
  
I'm being ignored, while he's being harassed.  
  
  
  
  
  
Devaluation is also a form of harassment, isn't it? Oh, I don't know.   
  
  
  
  
  
Three schoolmates are almost squeezing me. That's their role. They are the   
  
some of the misery in Tsuki's life.   
  
  
  
  
  
Argh… they're squeezing me too hard. Causing me cramps. But I understand. That's   
  
what the director requires them to do.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I'll call my brother!!!" I warn them as what my script says.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh yeah? You don't even love your brother! How dare you mention him?" One   
  
shouts as the response then presses me to the wall.  
  
  
  
  
  
Damn. My back smashes at the wall. I thought my bones have been broken.   
  
  
  
  
  
The other one starts to slide his right thigh against mine. No, don't think he's   
  
taking advantage. I can tell when one is.   
  
  
  
  
  
I force myself to cry because Hizahi-sensei has told me that it would bring an   
  
impact.   
  
  
  
  
  
And so I cry and scream, "STOP!!!!!!"   
  
  
  
  
  
Someone has screamed with me.   
  
  
  
  
  
Our attentions have been caught.   
  
  
  
  
  
We all look at…  
  
  
  
  
  
…Fuuma who is standing already from his chair and is like burning with anger. Two  
  
fists closed, shaking.   
  
  
  
  
  
With clenched teeth, he shouts, "Stop raping him! YOU HEAR!? Or do you wish   
  
to face your creators right now, low-life maniacs?!?"   
  
  
  
  
  
"W--- wait! Cut first!" Hizashi-sensei orders.  
  
  
  
  
  
Everyone pauses.  
  
  
  
  
  
All of us here are surprised with Fuuma's sudden intervention.   
  
  
  
  
  
Weird, ain't it?  
  
  
  
  
  
-Tsuzuku.  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Hello!!!!! Here's my usual ranting again!!! ^^ Here's the reply for your   
  
reviews for chapter eight!!! ^^ To those who have reviewed chapter nine also,   
  
*some* of the replies are in here, too! Minna-san, you are so NICE!!!  
  
I'm so happy you are enjoying this!!!! ^__^   
  
I don't know if she would ever read this but I want to thank   
  
Iceangeldarkmoon-san for reading my Clover fanfic and reviewing it! ^^ I'm so   
  
happy you find it awesome! ^^ I worked hard with it that's why I'm very happy   
  
you loved it! ^^ I'll try writing more Clover fanfics for you! ^^ Also to  
  
Sanosuke-san!!! =^o^= Thank you so much! No, don't keep Gingetsu and Lan  
  
to yourself! Share, share!!! ^^ Domo arigatou, big time! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Shoiryu-san, good day! ^^ First, I want to thank you for your honest feedback. No, I   
  
think it was not rude, you're just plainly being honest, I know. I was downhearted   
  
at the very beginning since, honestly, I'm used reading positive reviews telling that  
  
this is good. But I'm so glad someone has told me my mistakes and frankly pointed   
  
out to me that my characterization is terrible. You're very right. AU fic, I don't exactly  
  
know the meaning of AU, my only idea about AU is that it's an entirely different story  
  
using other's original charas... I know I have the incorrect concept about it. I wanted   
  
to ask someone but I'm just plainly shy. If I'll not change a thing, what's putting AU for?  
  
Okay... this as an AU is not an excuse for the ridiculous characterization. Hmm, I  
  
think my excuse should be... *this is just a FANFICTION*. Sei... he calls Fuuma *that*  
  
cuz he wants people to "stay away". And Kamui is not helpless. If he is, he should  
  
have had commited suicide here because of all the terrible things. I'm sorry, I can't   
  
re-read the manga, I have but a no volume of it. I used to borrow my friend's, which is the   
  
Chinese edition, that's why I can't understand a thing so sometimes, if I have time, and   
  
money, I surf the net and look for the translations around. Unfortunately, I've only read the   
  
trans for volumes 1-5. I know my bad, writing a fanfic about a manga am not that so familiar  
  
with. I started this for my friends' entertainment, was advised to post this, and I never   
  
knew that some peole are going to like this, or hate this. If only I could, and if I can have  
  
money from this sice I lack, I'll do this as an original fic. But I can't. I just write. No   
  
payment for thinking and typing. Plus the electricity I use, three hours in front of the PC.   
  
I'm writing this to kill boredom since I started this after our classes and now it is starting  
  
already, and give some people something to read if they're bored, too. I never actually  
  
care if they enjoy or not but since they enjoy, I'm super glad. I'll rethink about my   
  
characterization but I'll not change it since there are plently out there who like it this way.  
  
You don't, I'm very sorry. This is all I can give. I'm so disappointed, I can't give you  
  
what you want and I can't do anything. I'm just "unleashing my imagination", as what   
  
Fanfictions.net banner there says. Thank you so much, you made me realise that I should   
  
take this seriously since there are peole who care. If you really wish to read an  
  
"almost-perfect" story, you should be the one to re-read the X manga. I know CLAMP  
  
themselves will be able to please you. ^^ Domo! ^_^  
  
P.S. Subby's like that 'cuz I'm implying the pairing...  
  
Noir-san!!!! ^^ Hello to you! ^^ **sobssobs** I... I don't know what to say... *sniff*  
  
I want to THANK YOU SO SO MUCH, I'm very touched with that review of yours! I hope  
  
you can see how! Thank you for wishing me luck! Yeah, I'm dreaming of becoming a writer   
  
someday, but I really like to be a psychologist, being a writer would be my second   
  
ambition! How I wish I can let you read my other stories as well, my original ones... I  
  
have a strong feeling that you might like those also! ^^ Demo it's quite impossible since   
  
those are written in my notebooks and in our native language! Hehe... ^^;; I'm always   
  
being forced by my friends to write that's why I have lots of blisters in my fingers... They  
  
might have thought that I'm a writing machine... Really, thank you so much!!!! ^^   
  
*breaksdown in a cry* *glomps you*  
  
Blue Mediva-san! ^^ THANKS BIG TIME! ^^ I'm also quite new with X and you're very  
  
correct- Kamui and Fuuma are so perfect for each other!!^^  
  
Nyah! Venedy-san!!! ^^ You can say that this is a little fic because this really is! ^^   
  
But I wanted to thank you for saying it's fantastic!!! *inspired* ^^ OH! COOL!  
  
Your favorite F4 is the hot sizzling sexy Vanness?!? *sings: Never gonna stop, never  
  
ever stop, ain't gonna give you up...* ^^ My sister likes him also! ^^   
  
He had the highest number of text votes in the "Who's Your Favorite F4 Member?"   
  
survey here in our local music television channel. Nyah, I thought Jerry would win...   
  
demo it's okay! Xiao V deserves the triumph! ^^ Glad to meet you, too! ^^ On   
  
second thought... Ken is super-pretty... Zai Zai is pretty, too... yeah... but... Ken...   
  
Kamikakushi-san! ^^ *beams* kami-sama, thank you very much you love this! ^^  
  
Finally, another person notices the humor I intend to put since the angst is too   
  
much...! Hehe! ^^ I'm so glad you will put this in your favourites, that's an honor!  
  
It has been two months and couple of days since the last time I've updated but   
  
you're new to this and I know you didn't wait *that* long for this chappie! Whew...   
  
Domo! ^^  
  
Quatre's Dreamer-san! ^^ Thanks!! Love those two a lot, too! But Kamui-chan   
  
really was the reason I become addicted with X! The first time I saw him, I   
  
remember myself drooling all day! Nyeh! ^^ Oh, the reviews! It's okay! ^^ That's   
  
not a big deal, the important thing is, you read and you enjoy. I'll consider 9   
  
reviews coming from you! Thank you! ^^ Ja mo!  
  
Kathleen Savoie-san! ^^ Hi! I'll keep making new chapters but it will take a longer   
  
while… *sniff* It can't be helped…! All right, I'll keep writing for you!! ^^ DOMO!  
  
  
  
  
  
Izanagi-san!!!!! ^^ NYAH! Another new reviewer!! ^^ I'm very glad you see the   
  
story line great! *blush* I'm so proud you agree with how I portray the charas as.   
  
I never gave it a focus; I just type and type what's currently running in my   
  
mind that's why oftentimes they fall into OOC *sweatdrops*! Oh, not to mention   
  
the very wonderful reviews almost everyone's giving me. Hehe… the Mauve thing…   
  
Ya, I made sure that it would be obvious enough to everyone reading this. Because…  
  
Ah, that's a secret! ^^ Domo! You are great! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Hey yo, Aestalitz-san!!! ^^ Oh! I'm so happy you think chappie eight was not bad   
  
because I really hated myself after writing that! But I need to! That's the   
  
bridge to the *aherm* better chapters to come! ^^ I've read your first review,   
  
no, your computer didn't refuse to obey you! ^^ Okay... Chi no Ryu… Sei is evil,   
  
Sei is evil, Sei is …..*chokes* *no,Sei,don'tkillme,Aestalitz-santoldmetorepeatafterher*   
  
Hmm… yes, I'm sorta implying the Kamui/Subby pairing here to mess up some brains…   
  
ehehe… OH, YOU'RE WELCOME! I never thought you'd miss Keiichi-kun that much! ^^   
  
Is Fuuma jealous…? What d'ya think? O.o DOMO! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Arashi-san! ^^ DOMO! *shakes hand with you* OH!!!!! GOHOU DRUG!!!! I LOVE   
  
GOHOU DRUG!!!! LOVE KAKEI-SAMA!!!!!! Me gonna check out your fic!! ^^ Nyah, I   
  
thought you'd never review anymore! Thank goodness you're satisfied! ^^ Thank  
  
you so much! =^^=  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Featherlight-san, thanks again! Whew, I said I don't want anyone to hate   
  
Sei-chan!!! =_=;;v Nyaaah~~~! I'm so happy you're still enjoying my fic! I know   
  
chapter eight was a rubbish and all are gonna flame me up for creating that   
  
chapter but you still told me that you didn't hate it. Don't worry about   
  
Sei-chan and Subby-chan… I have plans for the two of them! Oh, now I've read   
  
that you don't hate Sei because of me! *sigh* DOMO!!! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Fanny chan-san! *jumps up and down with you* DOMO, DOMO AGAIN! ^^ *starry-eyed*   
  
  
  
  
  
Madiha-san! *bows* Thank you! ^^ Oh, you like Yuuto??? Like him, too, but not   
  
that much. But he's a real bishounen, isn't he? ^-^ Hmm, wonder what is funny   
  
with Sei-chan here….?? *question marks atop of head* c",)??  
  
  
  
  
  
Darkness-san! Cool! Your favorite chara is Fuuma??? Really, really cool! Thank   
  
you a lot for the reviews! Sei-chan…… *drools* You love this because of his   
  
mysteriousness, ee?? Cool again! ^^ Yeah, you're a little odd but that what makes   
  
you cool! Development in the story line?!?! Finally! ^^ I'm so proud! Cool! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Dahlia-san!!! There you go again! =^^= You really flatter me a lot!!! And I do   
  
mean A LOT! I feel so great after reading your reviews! Every word is   
  
appreciated! Nyah, you think Sei-chan's wonderful cruel??? *blushes for   
  
Sei-chan* ^^ *clasps your mouth* Wait, stop screaming! I have something more to   
  
say! DOMO! NYAH, REALLY! Your review for chapter nine was quite long! ^^ But I'm   
  
so honored!!! Yes, I remember you've mentioned to me that you are German! ^^   
  
Actually, I asked my grandma about the German word of 'Thank You' because I know   
  
that she knows the only German word I know is 'Achtung'… eheh… . She lived in   
  
Germany for three years in the past so I assumed she knows! Whew, and gladly she   
  
does! OH WAIT! She doesn't!! I've observed that yours has a different   
  
spelling!!! OH! She gave me the incorrect spelling!!!!! *mumbles:   
  
Grandma…!!!* OH OH OH!!! I'm very glad, too!!!! ^___^ You're one of the   
  
reasons!!! I feel like… shedding tears of joy….!!!! OH! KAMUI-CHAN IS MINE!!!!   
  
But because you're SUPER kind to me, I'll share him with you!! ^^ Let me correct   
  
it this time…. DANKE SCHÖN!!! ^^ *runs off to pout in front of her grandma*   
  
P.S. WAI! I've read your GnR chappie 13 & 14!!!! I'm so sorry I can't review because   
  
you know, when I'm in the internet café, I just save your chapters in a diskette   
  
then read it at home!!! OH, but please count this in!!! ^_^ As usual, you are   
  
absolutely fabulous!!! GO, SORA-CHAN!!! Longer chappie!!! ^^ Geez, *blushes* you are   
  
very welcome and you don't have to thank me about it! ^^ NYAH! I'll continue this   
  
because I want you to continue yours!!!! ^^ ACK! 'Verboten' is a German word???? O.o   
  
I NEVER KNOW!!!!! You see, I was giving the play the title 'Forbidden Love' but then I   
  
think I've heard something like that already that's why I look for a synonym and I've  
  
seen 'Verboten' and found it nice in my ears. ^^° Domo again! ^^ Nyah, I talk too   
  
much… gomen ne…  
  
  
  
  
  
Rosiel1985-san! Domo, domo!!! ^^ Yes, I'll continue!  
  
  
  
  
  
Koyuki-san, hmmm… right! Sei-chan in my fic really doesn't deserve   
  
anyone. He's not even serious at the least…! ^^;; Semi-happily ever after…? The   
  
real thing doesn't exist…?? Hey, are you angsting now??? O.o Okay, I'll think   
  
about it… nyehehehe! Kidding! I'll try! ^^ Domo arigatou! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Ishuzu-san!! Thank you again! ^^ Favorite couple, YouXKakyou???? HEY!!!! Wake up   
  
from your dreams!!!!!! ^o^ HAHAHAH!!! Fortunately, I'm kidding! ^__^ Kotori…  
  
HATE HER TOO!!!!! HEAD ON PLATE!!!!! NYAAAH!!! ^^ Thank you for the advise!   
  
I'll check out animevisions.net! ^^ Oh, lucky you, your class has ended… me   
  
starting a long one again… *sigh* Enjoy! You're probably halfway to the end, ne?  
  
I update *that* late.... ^^ AH! Oki, oki, I'll continue!! ^^ Don't pressure me *bangs   
  
head* *bleeds*! OH NO! ^^ DOMO!  
  
  
  
  
  
Cin-san! Hey, THANK YOU!!! ^^ Yes, the spacing… *sobs* The problem was in the   
  
computer I used… *sigh* Love the big four of X, too! A lot!!! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Shinigami-san! OH! PAYCE TO YOU, TOO! ^^ And it's MAUVE! Hehe… THANK YOU!!!!   
  
^^ No, you didn't cause me migraine, I'm okay! ^^ You've just messed up my   
  
brain! NYAH! KIDDING! ^^ Sugar for breakfast…? That caused you??? Think I'll   
  
never have sugar for breakfast ever again!!!! LOL Hmmm… actually, I never eat   
  
breakfast… *feh* ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Futagoakuma-tenshi01-san!!! ^^ HMM??? Not my fault you experienced that!!!!   
  
REALLY!! ^o^ DOMO!!!! ^___^ *sings with you: Honou no you na… kanashimi   
  
iyasu…*   
  
Futagoakuma-tenshi02-san~~~??? *confused... 01... 02...* Anyway, I was   
  
honestly confused... gladly I've noticed the difference...! ^^ Domo, you like this, love  
  
this!! Baibai! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Lady Zephyros-san!!! DOMO!!!!! ^^ Welcome to my fic!!!! ^^ Sorry for Subaru   
  
OOC!!! *sweatdrops* I'll TRY to continue soon as much as I can!! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Ttrinity-san!! ^^ HELOOOO!!! Thanks for the reviews!!! YA! THIS WILL KEEP   
  
ON GOING!!! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Ru-chan-san!!! ^^ I'm SO SO SO happy you are enjoying this!!! ^^ THANK YOU!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Lynn-san!!! ARIGATOU!! ^^ No, you're not the only one! I like Seishirou/Fuuma,   
  
too, that's why I'm writing this fic!! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Akurei-san!!! ^^ Welcome!! Thank you!! ^^ No, it's not yet late! Love Subaru and   
  
Fuuma, too!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Hokuto chan-san! I'm happy you love that one! ^^ I have plans… Really…  
  
Goshimpai naku! *light bulb appears*   
  
  
  
  
  
Oforsakendarknesso0-san!!! WAI! You hate suspense??? =_= But you are putting a   
  
lot of suspense in your fic, too! *pouts* ^^ Thank you, you think this is great!! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
CTFA(Crissania-san!!!! *blushes* Two people (?) in one review!! COOL, REALLY   
  
COOL!!! ^^ Sorry, I didn't update that soon! *bows* Classes have started here   
  
already *sigh*! *claps* OH!!!! Thank you so much you love this! DOMO!!!!!! You   
  
two lifted up my spirit, I've had a hard time getting it back!!!! I almost died!   
  
Nyehe! I'm so happy! Glad! Delighted! Gratified! Pleased! Overwhelmed! Proud! OH   
  
EVERYTHING!!! Did I say I'm overwhelmed?? Please, tell Vince-san I thank him!!!   
  
He shouldn't hate cliffhangers because there's definitely a continuation! ^^ *O*   
  
What else… OH THANK YOU for the full support! *smiles* I hope you know how happy   
  
I am! ^^ *jumps jumps* You've inspired me big time!!! YAY!!!! You two are   
  
amazing inspirations! I mean, reviewers! *blushes* No, I don't rule, you guys   
  
rule!!! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Hitokiri^_^-san!!! Here, I update!! *jumps* Thank you a lots!!!! ^__^  
  
  
  
  
  
Godzilla-san!!!!! ^___^ Thank you for the praise! ^^ You've inspired me to   
  
continue this!! However, I couldn't answer your question about Subby and Sei   
  
yet!! EHEH! You're Chinese? Ni hao ma! Yes, I'm living here in the Philippines.   
  
Oh hai! I've heard about the concert! I always watch and follow those news   
  
about 'em! And I'm extreme excited!!! I'm currently saving all my money for it!!! I  
  
hope it will become a reality! Nyah! Oh, I love "Can't Lose You", too! *Oh baby   
  
baby baby… you know how it goes...* But my favorites are "Love's Terrain" and   
  
"You As A Friend"! Love "Meteor Rain", too! Zai Zai's "Poor Prince" is also being   
  
aired here, y' know. Haha! Terrific! I hope they'll also air Ken's "Marmalade Boy"... I've  
  
read about it and I found it interesting...! Is it??? ^^ Honestly..., these past few days  
  
I've discovered that I love Ken than Zai Zai... Oh, Taiwanese are feasting on "Love's  
  
Scar", aren't they? ^^ Eheh, please tell me who's your favorite! Baibai! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Minna-san, 'Till next chappie!!! DOMO!^^   
  
-=Kamui Kinomoto=- 


	11. Superstitions

Teenage Dirtbag  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Part Eleven- Superstitions   
  
  
  
  
  
AN: GOMEN NASAI, MINNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think this is the longest period of time   
  
that I don't update. Let me explain!!! –o- Our PC was doomed!!!! I wasn't able   
  
to use it for a long time. Chapter 11 was already halfway on its end when my PC   
  
crashed! And I didn't have any copy of what I've written in a disk! My bad, my   
  
bad! Please forgive me! I hope no matter how late I update, you'll still wait   
  
for the next chapter because I really have no plan of abandoning this fic!   
  
Please have faith in me! I want everyone to be happy so I will continue this by   
  
hook or by crook! Yakusoku desu! ^^ Also, you might notice some changes in the   
  
wordwrap from... uhm... chapters 8 or maybe up to here... I swear, I have   
  
nothing to do with it, I really love the first wordwrap but I can't seem to   
  
figure out if it is the PC screwing or the way I type the chapters or FF.net.   
  
Ah! Saa! You can read now! Domo! ^^  
  
Disclaimer: OOC, but all surely is used with it…   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'Raping'…?  
  
  
  
  
  
Is anyone 'trying to rape' me?  
  
  
  
  
  
Everyone's staring weirdly at Fuuma now. With what he has just shouted, who   
  
wouldn't?   
  
  
  
  
  
No one defies asking. All we can do to show that we don't understand Fuuma is to   
  
stare at him, then, it's God's decision whether he will say anything to save   
  
himself or something like that.   
  
  
  
  
  
My two schoolmates let go of me. Maybe hurt and startled that they were judge   
  
'low-life maniacs' in a wink without doing anything wrong, just doing what the   
  
director is asking them to.  
  
  
  
  
  
Me… I'm bemused. I don't know what to think. Is Fuuma concern about me? I   
  
wonder… what if this scene is true? Will I collapse because of gladness? Or…   
  
should I better not think of it? Yeah, right. Place your mind in this practice,   
  
Kamui…! This is certainly not the time to build castles in the air.   
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma? Well, his mouth is hanging a little bit open right now. However, he still   
  
looks gorgeous. I mean, try to hang your mouth open for a bit. Bet someone will   
  
tell you that you look stupid. That those flies might enter in. But Fuuma…   
  
nothing much changed with the level of his gorgeousness.  
  
  
  
  
  
Damn, Kamui. There's no ever time in your life that you don't think of Fuuma as   
  
a source of hot.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Umm… Monou-kun…? Any… problem there?" Hizashi-sensei stutters. She's confused   
  
as everyone here is.   
  
  
  
  
  
Slowly, Fuuma sits back his chair. Still mute. Stupefied.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You were saying…?"  
  
  
  
  
  
After for what it seems like an eternity, Fuuma finally snaps out of his   
  
thoughts. With his sharp eyes… bulging surprisingly, "Huh?"   
  
  
  
  
  
"Umm… Is there any problem? Please tell us if ever there is. You know we'll be   
  
very happy to help you." She's so nice, a very patient director. I'm starting to   
  
admire her now.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma blinks twice. Then chortles, "Nothing, madam! I'm just practicing some   
  
scripts here."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I see… Very professional bishounen we have in here, ne?" Hizashi-sensei laughs   
  
with it. We all let out a sigh of relief.   
  
  
  
  
  
And everything is normal now. We can resume rehearsing. Or so I thought.   
  
  
  
  
  
Miss Director is smiling. But after a couple of seconds, her expression changes,   
  
looking a bit crucial. She looks at Fuuma with her forehead puckered a bit, too.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
She then says, "But I remember no line like that…?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ah--..!" Fuuma is bowled over. He halts for a while.   
  
  
  
  
  
Now this is the moment for me to think if he is concern about me… in one way or   
  
another. He wouldn't utter such thing without any special reason behind it,   
  
would he?  
  
  
  
  
  
"There… is no line like that?" He asks and Hizashi-sensei nods slowly.  
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma starts musing for a while. Then unexpectedly, he smirks.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Really, huh? Then you gave me an imprecise script booklet. Shame on you. I'm a   
  
major character and look what you've done." He afterwards harshly scrunches up   
  
the script booklet and sends it flying into the blue trash bin near where he's   
  
sitting.   
  
  
  
  
  
We're all stunned with what he did again. Just a while ago he seemed to be very   
  
nice… and now… Oh no. Not again.   
  
  
  
  
  
I must say Fuuma's full of surprises. No one will ever be able to guess of   
  
what's running inside his brain.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I think you actually know what to do next."  
  
  
  
  
  
Hizashi-sensei is currently speechless. Reply Hizashi-sensei, please, if you   
  
don't want him to go infuriated!  
  
  
  
  
  
"W… what…?" She's obviously nervous. I'm afraid for her.  
  
  
  
  
  
Sharp eyes. Sharp golden eyes. Fuuma narrows his gaze. Scaring us some more.   
  
Every time he does that, I'm sad. I don't like him that way much. I would never   
  
like him that way ever.  
  
  
  
  
  
I know he only do that to scare people. To get out of the needle's head in an   
  
instant. I think he never wants his ego to be on a humiliating scene. His pride   
  
is sometimes so high that's why it's very difficult for us others to reach him.   
  
Especially for me who… loves him so much. I have to do all sorts of impossible   
  
stuffs just to be able to get close to him.   
  
  
  
  
  
I always think if Seishirou and him ever enjoy scaring people to-death by   
  
glaring at them hard, eyes narrowed. I wonder if there was already a time that   
  
their eyes got sore with what they are doing.   
  
  
  
  
  
No. Fuuma's 'not that bad'. If ever he is bad, not as Seishirou is.   
  
  
  
  
  
Now I remember the very first time I saw his eyes gleaming innocently. Without   
  
any sign of menace. Yes, you're guess is right. It's every time he is with   
  
Kakyou-san. Kakyou-san can stimulate benevolence to Fuuma big time. I'm so proud   
  
of him. But at the same time, I envy him. I wish I could do the same. How I wish   
  
I could tell Fuuma to get rid of his black maybe-metal mask… that it would be a   
  
great idea for him to express out what he's feeling. That he can settle down   
  
things with people by just talking with them nicely, without the 'murderous   
  
look'.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ahh… look who's talking.  
  
  
  
  
  
Have to start with myself first before nerving others to do the same.   
  
  
  
  
  
Fuuma cross-legs, " Simple, get me a new script booklet. An updated one, all   
  
right?" He continues, "Quick. I don't want anyone, anything, unimportant wasting   
  
my time." The obnoxious smirk is still with his lips. I wonder how long he can   
  
last wearing it. I wonder how long I can last seeing him with it. It just makes   
  
me really unhappy.  
  
  
  
  
  
"H… Hai! Right away!" Hizashi-sensei looks around for her assistant.   
  
  
  
  
  
The moment she sees him, she immediately scolds, "You heard him, Rei-kun!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Rei-san is astounded at first, but quickly nods, "Yes, ma'am! In a minute,   
  
Monou-san!" Then like a thunderbolt, he's gone before we know it.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Thank you." Fuuma says, sounding like a dupe.   
  
  
  
  
  
I shake my head. Fuuma really is sometimes a hurdle.   
  
  
  
  
  
He's piquant endlessly.   
  
  
  
  
  
I'm not in a comatose so I feel in a way that it's his bad.   
  
  
  
  
  
… But he gets away with it in a very, breathtaking historical way.   
  
  
  
  
  
Now I can say again: 'That's Fuuma.'  
  
  
  
  
  
After a couple of long minutes, we're almost done with today's rehearsal.   
  
Fuuma's on the stage now, practicing his part with the other casts. It's very   
  
ridiculous the way their knees tremble. It seems that they're still petrified of   
  
Fuuma up to this moment.   
  
  
  
  
  
Until I see Yuzuriha sneaking behind the doors. What a surprise.  
  
  
  
  
  
I instantly come to her. Smiling a little bit.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Kamui-chan! I have no idea that you're into acting!" She says as soon as I get   
  
close to her. I see that she finds it very impossible. Well yes, it is. But for   
  
Fuuma…  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're very great! How do you do it?! Tell me, tell me! I thought you belong to   
  
the 'inactive' type of students but what I've just seen proved me wrong! You are   
  
so kawaii up the stage!!!!!" She exclaims gleefully. Even though I don't get to   
  
see her often, I know she's always like that.  
  
  
  
  
  
"No… I'm not into acting. Actually, I don't know how to act. What I'm into is   
  
this play." I explain delicately.   
  
  
  
  
  
But no. I'm into Fuuma.  
  
  
  
  
  
It seems that Yuzuriha didn't get what I mean. Her large bronzed eyes are   
  
pierced at me with full of nosiness. "What do you mean?" She asks.   
  
  
  
  
  
I display a patient smile. I have simply no time to explain such things but I   
  
don't want to be harsh on her.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Nothing. I mean… It's just really my dream to be involve in this play."   
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't understand yet. Why? I mean… what's in this play? Why don't you get   
  
involve in the choir? They'll perform in this coming school's festival, too!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I can't sing."  
  
  
  
  
  
"But you just said that you don't know how to act, too..!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'm learning."  
  
  
  
  
  
"You can learn to sing, too!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Her voice is clinging in my ears. I don't hate it but I don't like it either. I   
  
know she's young that's why she's more curious that the others. But… I don't   
  
want anyone digging this part of me.   
  
  
  
  
  
I want to be with Fuuma that's why I joined this play. Period.  
  
  
  
  
  
But I can't reveal it to her. She wouldn't understand. What's more, she likes   
  
Subaru for me.   
  
  
  
  
  
She sneaks beside me. Her cat-ears making their appearance. Include six   
  
cat-mustaches with it. And don't forget the tail.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Who's the other lead charas?? Move a bit, I can't see them!"  
  
  
  
  
  
It's great. She's not that expectant for the answers to her queries.   
  
  
  
  
  
I step back a little bit for her to take a glimpse at the people there at the   
  
stage while I answer, "Monou Fuuma…"  
  
  
  
  
  
She's surprised and looks quickly back at me.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Monou??? That… That tormenter?!?" She squeals while biting her lower-lip in   
  
fright.   
  
  
  
  
  
My eyes swell a bit, I want to tell her that her term is too inconsiderate for   
  
Fuuma's disposition but before I can react, she continues, "How can you last   
  
working with him??? We all know that yeah, he's so bishie, but we know, too,   
  
that he's perilous. I don't want to judge him this way but Kamui-chan, it's   
  
barely safe to be beside him!"  
  
  
  
  
  
She has a point.  
  
  
  
  
  
But I don't care about that.   
  
  
  
  
  
I can't let myself lose an opportunity again. It's not always right to give way   
  
to others. To take their opinions. It won't always make us happy to sacrifice. I   
  
need happiness in my life, too. I can't stand listening to others anymore   
  
because all they say are opposite to what will make me glad…  
  
  
  
  
  
I want to be happy, too. Even once.   
  
  
  
  
  
I smile at Yuzuriha and she's stopped for a while.   
  
  
  
  
  
I nod, still smiling, "I know… And I'm ready to take the consequences."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Why…?" Her eyes are beseeching.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Because I want to."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't want you to be hurt, Kamui-chan…" She whispers while stabbing her eyes   
  
at mine. Her lashes seem to be very heavy.  
  
  
  
  
  
I smile even more with that and place my pale hand on her small shoulder.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I won't be hurt. If ever I am to, I'm ready. But I know I won't be."  
  
  
  
  
  
She places a hand at my faint cheek in return. "Can you tell me why are you that   
  
so determined? Is it because you want to be popular? You can be popular without   
  
being around Monou-san."   
  
  
  
  
  
No, Yuzuriha, no.   
  
  
  
  
  
I shake my head gently, "I don't care about the 'popularity race' around the   
  
other kids. All I want is… to be happy."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I can make you happy! Segawa-kun can do, too! Most of all, Sumeragi-san ---!"  
  
  
  
  
  
I obstruct her discourse, which is getting a little bit personal now.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Don't mention Subaru. He's okay at our place right now. You don't want to make   
  
him sneeze, do you?"  
  
  
  
  
  
She shakes his head slightly and forces herself to smile, "Iie… But you know, I   
  
just really don't like Monou-san that much. I think he's always taking advantage   
  
of others' weaknesses. How about you, do you like him?"  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm taken by surprise.   
  
  
  
  
  
Yes I do.   
  
  
  
  
  
I didn't answer Yuzuriha. But she proceeds with the asking, "If you do, why? And   
  
if you don't, why not?"  
  
  
  
  
  
We both pause for a while.   
  
  
  
  
  
I'm thinking about it.  
  
  
  
  
  
Why do I like Fuuma so much?  
  
  
  
  
  
He's not that nice unlike Subaru. But I like him than Subaru.  
  
  
  
  
  
Others have so many negative thinking about him and his relationship with   
  
Seishirou but I like him.  
  
  
  
  
  
And most of all, he doesn't love me but I love him.  
  
  
  
  
  
I look at him up there at that stage. I want to make sure that he's still there.   
  
I want to take a glance at his face.   
  
  
  
  
  
He's acting right now. His fine-looking body is very visible. That raven hair of   
  
his is dancing with his every sway. He is full of energy and inspiration, I've   
  
observed. The mirrors to his soul are sparkling with passion.  
  
  
  
  
  
I think again. Why do I love him?  
  
  
  
  
  
I smile within myself.  
  
  
  
  
  
Only two things I'm sure with:  
  
  
  
  
  
I don't need reasons to love him. And all I know is I love him.  
  
  
  
  
  
I look back at Yuzuriha and smile, "It's quite late. I'm going home. How about   
  
you?"  
  
  
  
  
  
She breaks away from her previous mood then smiles back, "Mm! I'm going home,   
  
too! Let's walk together!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hai!"  
  
  
  
  
  
I fix my things now and I realize that everyone does, too. Fuuma is just near   
  
me, arranging the stuffs inside his bag.   
  
  
  
  
  
I stop for a while and secretly start staring at him and I know he doesn't   
  
notice. He zips his bag now.   
  
  
  
  
  
I don't need reasons to love you…  
  
  
  
  
  
"Bye. See you around."  
  
  
  
  
  
I gasp. I gulp.  
  
  
  
  
  
I look back behind me. No one is there.  
  
  
  
  
  
I look back at Fuuma again. He's walking away.   
  
  
  
  
  
While I feel my cheeks heat up.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Bye…" I whisper though I know he can't hear me now.   
  
  
  
  
  
I feel a pat on my back, "Come on!"  
  
  
  
  
  
It's Yuzuriha and she's smiling.   
  
  
  
  
  
I nod.   
  
  
  
  
  
We're now walking this side of town. I feel really good. I hear Yuzuriha chats   
  
but I'm too blithe to understand her.   
  
  
  
  
  
Then I notice her stop.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Yoshii! Left is my way! Bye bye, Kamui-chan! Take care!"  
  
  
  
  
  
I smile. My way is straight ahead.   
  
  
  
  
  
Yuzuruha jogs towards to the left side until she's out of sight. Now I'm walking   
  
alone but I don't really mind. I'm very happy as of now.   
  
  
  
  
  
Oh. I almost forgot. A classmate asked me if I could bring his bio-data to this   
  
agency inside the Diet building since my place is just near it. Being a 'nice'   
  
fellow, I said yes.  
  
  
  
  
  
Now where's the room? I knock and open on one door. Not here.  
  
  
  
  
  
I think here it is. Oh no, not yet.   
  
  
  
  
  
Maybe here.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Umm… excu--"  
  
  
  
  
  
Now this room is a bit odd. No lights, just candles. Who could work properly   
  
without lights?   
  
  
  
  
  
"Please… come in…" I hear a soft girl's voice although I can't see anyone. I   
  
adjust my perception. Now I can see someone.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Come in… Kudasai…"  
  
  
  
  
  
I quietly tiptoe inside. It's a bit eerie here. The person is quite far away.   
  
Little by little, I have a picture of her face.   
  
  
  
  
  
A girl sitting on the floor? Lone in a large weird room?  
  
  
  
  
  
Her white hair is very long, stretched-out on the flooring and her clothing is   
  
out of the ordinary. She looks very mysterious. And scary, too.  
  
  
  
  
  
She opens her large eyes. Those are expressionless scarlet!  
  
  
  
  
  
"Your name… is Kamui…?"   
  
  
  
  
  
This is aberrant! I hear her talking but her mouth isn't opening at all!  
  
  
  
  
  
And how does she know that I'm Kamui?!?  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're happy now but how about later? …You love someone?"  
  
  
  
  
  
I nod.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Stop…"  
  
  
  
  
  
"What do you mean…?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"It will only bring you so much misery. I feel it's not worth it. As early as   
  
now… you better stop."  
  
  
  
  
  
"What the…"   
  
  
  
  
  
"But if you think what you feel is right, go on. But as for my opinion, it's no   
  
good."   
  
  
  
  
  
"I DON'T CARE!" I shout before I ran away. I even hear her called 'matte!'.  
  
  
  
  
  
What does she know?!? NONSENSE!  
  
  
  
  
  
I know she's talking about Fuuma!  
  
  
  
  
  
I've sacrificed enough just to be happy and then just a little girl informs me   
  
that she feels bad about what I'm feeling good?! Why does almost everyone has   
  
the same perception that what I feel is not right?! First Yuzuriha. Then she.  
  
  
  
  
  
I don't care if she's a psychic or whatever! I don't believe her! Not even at   
  
the slightest!  
  
  
  
  
  
I run. Continue to run. Until I reach our place.   
  
  
  
  
  
I pant for a while in front of the door. My hand clutching at the wall to   
  
maintain my balance.  
  
  
  
  
  
Suddenly, a pair of black shoes catches my attention.  
  
  
  
  
  
I stop panting and begin thinking. These shoes are a little big to be Subaru's.   
  
Besides, Subaru never leaves his shoes here outside. He probably has a visitor.   
  
  
  
  
  
I open the door. I just hope that I wouldn't disturb them.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Suba……" I gasp. I couldn't believe my eyes.   
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru's inside with Sakurazuka!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-Tsuzuku.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: I'm baaaaaaack!!!!!!!!!!! ^^ I'm so inspired because I got to see F2 and   
  
ASOS on a Live Concert! Heheheh… I can't believe it. I'm still thinking if   
  
everything was just a dream…..   
  
P.S. I have a new X fic! ^^If you like and if you have time, please read it! ^^   
  
It's entitled 'You'll Be Dead'. No, it's not adventure, nor action! X'D It's a   
  
light-hearted one… Comedy/Romance I supposed…! Hehe… Maybe somebody's actually   
  
familiar with the phrase…! You bet! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Kamikakushi-san! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry really for updating late!   
  
Anyway, I'm happy this can make you laugh! ^^ But what kind of a weird reaction   
  
does this get from you? 0_o  
  
  
  
  
  
Madiha-san! ^^ *moves a while from your glomp* Another update but I know you   
  
waited for a long while! Sorry! Nothing was wrong with Fuuma there! He was just   
  
carried away by Kamui-kun's acting! Heheh… Ei, don't think of the negative side,   
  
be optimistic! ^^ Nothing worse will happen… or so I said… *evil chortle* ^^   
  
DOMO!   
  
  
  
  
  
Ishuzu-san, I miss you again!!!!! ^^ Thank you for the praises! ^^ I hope I   
  
didn't leave you again with a cliffhanger! ^^ I agree! X guys are SOOOO gorgeous   
  
and I admire CLAMP so much for creating characters SO bishie!!!! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Featherlight-san! ^^ Why are all thinking that Sei-chan's planning something   
  
nasty?? Did I make him really evil?? O_o Yes, Fuuma's the possessive type here,   
  
I really like him that way! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
DAHLIA-SAN!!!!!!!!! I MISS YOU!!! ^^ *happy too much* No need to mail me! No   
  
matter what happens, I'll continue this! PROMISE!!! ^^ I thank you for loving   
  
the characterization even though it seems SO OOC! ^_~ WOH! Thank you for the   
  
German lessons! ^^ I really learn a lot from you! ^^ I'm sorry I let you wait   
  
for so long! *bows* Like what I always say, I love your GnR and Mortal Sins!   
  
Please continue with MS!!!!! I love it so much! It's very wonderful and original   
  
the way you write it! ^^ DOMO!!!!! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
CTFA-Crissania-san! I sense the power of three!!! Vince-san, Payu-san and you!   
  
^^ Vince-san, Payu-san doesn't suck, you all rule! ^^ CTFA-san, sorry for making   
  
you wait for years just like what you've said! ^^ Didn't mean it, really!   
  
Payu-san, I'm so PROUD I impressed you! ^^ *jumps for joy* Vince-san…? Date…?   
  
NYAAH!!! You must be kidding! Heheh! ^^ And thank you for the multiple praises   
  
especially with the 'beautiful author' part! Hehe, *blushes*! ^^ And CTFA-san,   
  
don't call me FF Goddess! That's too much! ^^ There are so many authors out   
  
there who better deserve that title! ^^ But I think I deserve the 'long life'   
  
part there! And don't cry! I don't want Payu-san to kill me and you kill   
  
him/her neither! ^^ I'll try to update soon! THANK YOU! ^___^  
  
  
  
  
  
Riku-san, domo! ^^ IF ever I write a chapter that nobody is OOC, it might be the   
  
end of the world tomorrow! ACK! ^^ I hope you always have fun reading! DOMO!   
  
  
  
  
  
Akurei Hikari-san! ^^ I like angry Fuuma, too! ^^ Domo!   
  
  
  
  
  
Fanny chan-san!!!! MISS YOU!!! I'm so guilty I made you wait for so long again!   
  
Thank you for always R&R! ^^ Daisuki! =^^=  
  
  
  
  
  
Link621-san! Here's MORE! ^^ Don't feel bad for Subby, I have plans for him! ^^   
  
Thanks!   
  
  
  
  
  
Arashi-san, you promised! ^^ Thank you for saying that this is getting better!   
  
Hey, what's the title of your fic?? I want to read it! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Futagoakuma-tenshi02-san! ^^ So you were twins! So interesting! ^^ Please tell   
  
your loving futago that I thank her for recommending you this! ^^ Does this mean   
  
that this is a good fic?? 0_o What do you mean that the play is agonizing? Why   
  
embarrassing? Do you mean in Fuuma's part? You're a hunky dude and they paired   
  
you up with another guy who seems to be so weak?? *blushes* Geez, I find my   
  
description cute! ^^ Hehe… Of course I noticed both of you! I notice everybody!   
  
;) THANKS FOR LIKING AND LOVING this! ^^ Oh… I'm sorry, I haven't heard of   
  
'Sadame'… I've only seen X anime episodes 0, 5,6 since X vcds are always out of   
  
stock or 'episodes not yet available' in the store where I buy. And just lately,   
  
the store pulled-up from the mall… I don't know where they went. *sniffs* But on   
  
the other hand, I love 'eX Dream' so much! ^^ OH! You're freshman in high   
  
school?? I'm older! Gee! I'm already in sophomore! ^^ This past week, I've just   
  
finished taking our second periodical exam! ^^ Anyway, good luck to you and to   
  
your studies! I agree with you, we must persevere! ^^ Ganbare mo! DOMO!!!   
  
  
  
  
  
Bloaty Kitsune-san! Hallo!!! You're new! I'm so glad you reviewed some chapters   
  
separately! That way I got to know what do you think in each! Arigatou! ^^   
  
Mauve… YEAH! You like that one? I hope so! ^^ Umm… Really you love chapter 8???   
  
Geee!!!!! I LOVE YOU as the author!!!! Hehehe… I appreciate so much that you   
  
loved that weird chapter! ^^ And… OH MY GOSH, TOO!! Cool, Cool! You're also an   
  
F4 fan?! Yeah, Zai Zai rocks! He'll go here with Bao Long on November 29!!! He   
  
was so hot in MG1 wherein he was playing the violin and that made me like him so   
  
much. But now, I'm Ken's! Hehe! ^^ Thank you for the cool reviews and liking   
  
this!   
  
  
  
  
  
Bella-san, domo! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Venedy-san, I LOVE YOU, TOO! I'm so sorry I made you wait for so long! It's my   
  
dumb PC's fault! He's not strong enough that's why he was 'virused'! GOMEN   
  
NASAI! I hope you'll still read! And I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marmalade Boy is   
  
airing here now! Though at the rival channel where Meteor Garden II is currently   
  
shown! And at the same time slot that's why I have to open and watch on two TVs!   
  
^o^ Sometimes, I become so puzzled and as a result, I can't understand both   
  
shows! Ken is so handsome there, I must really say! Oh, Ken and Vanness went   
  
here last September then Zai Zai and Bao Long by the end of November! ^^ DOMO   
  
again! I hope you liked this chapter! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Oforsakendarknesso0-san!!! Gomen, *pleads* I took oh-so-long again!!!!! But   
  
please always speed up with Entrapment!! I want to read more and more of it!   
  
Thank you for still reading! ^^ And don't scream when 'Tsuzuku' shows up, it's   
  
an indication for a new chapter to come! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Isabeau-san, hello there! ^^ Here's more but I apologize, you waited for so   
  
long! I'm happy you find this cool! I'm trying my best to put more events as   
  
possible to make you more interested! ^^ Domo!   
  
  
  
  
  
Trinity-san, you flatter me! Thank you for loving each chapter! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Fairy of irrelevance-san, you're a new one! Your code is so interesting! ^^   
  
Here's the latest new chapter and I do mean *LATEST*, as in the 'MOST   
  
DELAYED'! I should say I'm starting to feel guppy-chan's and rhiannon   
  
rabbitsbane's claws on me!!! Help!! Haha, hey, what's with the pepperoni? I hate   
  
that! =P Domo! *reads a new review… from Fairy of irrelevance also…* Eeep!!!   
  
Please don't bang your head! If you get hurt, it's me to blame!!! Please stop   
  
it!!! ^^ I hope you liked this new chapter! THANK YOU!   
  
  
  
  
  
Ai Wataru-san! Thanks for saying that this is nice! Yeah, Kamui angsts… and a   
  
lot! As for me, it can't be helped to write him that way! *cries*   
  
  
  
  
  
Aestalitz-san! This is back again with more vengeance! Hehehe… The play is   
  
important for her… because… umm… it might upsurge or whack her reputation! ^^ In   
  
our school, such activities are very important for the teacher-moderator and   
  
they all pour the pressure on us, students. I just experienced that… that's also   
  
one reason why I updated late in addition to our PC's 'doom'. I'm so busy   
  
lately… Anyway, you really love Kei-chan, don't you? ^^ Fuuma is… always OOC,   
  
gomen nasai! Yuzu-chan! Now, she's not only a part of Kamui's memories! She's in   
  
the Teenage Dirtbag cast in the process! ^^ …Um, nope! The letter was sent in   
  
Kamui's locker, not in his and Subby's apartment room. I'm sorry, I didn't   
  
emphasize it more clearly! X'D Fuuma… I just like him that way! Dangerously   
  
sweet and protective. I don't know if others do, too. C",) Sei-chan… how about   
  
that? Hehehe~~~… DOMO! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
??????-san, kamusta ka diyan?? Hehehe… Kamui is always OOC, and I'm so sorry!   
  
But if he will not be, this won't be this sweet. I can't seem to do something to   
  
avoid him from being OOC and that's one of my many weaknesses. But thanks for   
  
reading! ^^ Hmm… I don't know, too, why F4 became *that* popular here… I first   
  
saw them but only Ken and Vanness at 2003 MTV Asia Awards around February… I   
  
thought they were cute Japanese guys and since then I started stalking them   
  
with the use of the web and later learned that they were Taiwanese… Hehe… And   
  
after some months, MG was aired! I never expected it would make such huge impact   
  
to others. I think some just felt what I also felt. Anyway, Sorry for updating   
  
late! *_* Salamat! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Darkness-sama-san! Why …?? Anyway, I hope my story didn't make you that sad!   
  
^^ Thanks! I missed 'Bye de Bye' a lot and you didn't put it in your last   
  
review… *sniffs*  
  
  
  
  
  
Billie-san! I'm sorry to make you mad! Thank you for being interested of what   
  
will happen next! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
Shinigami11-san!!! Thanks for being concern about my health and for those 'heath   
  
tips'! Helium can kill?? Now I know… *nodsnods*^^ Anyway… *on bended knees*   
  
FORGIVE ME FOR TAKING SO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!! You're right, it's difficult to write   
  
story but that's not the case… my DAMNED PC!!!! *kicks several times* …and that   
  
DAMNED VIRUS!!!!!!!!! Ah--! Don't jump out the window or you'll hurt it! Ah—I   
  
mean, you'll hurt yourself! Hehe… domo for reading! ^^   
  
  
  
  
  
SupaSaiyajin-san! ^^ *smiles* Thank you so much, I'm trying my best to update   
  
sooner now since we've borrowed a new CPU means new disk drive also from a   
  
relative who happens to be not interested in it! ^^ The old one…? I DISPOSED IT!   
  
Hehe! T_T  
  
  
  
  
  
Hi, too, Strawberry Eyes-san! ^^ *blush* Thank you very very much for the   
  
praises! I'm really happy! It made me smile after reading it and felt good about   
  
myself! DOMO! Hmm… However… I'm not a genius! Hehe! Actually I think I'm crazy!   
  
Everybody I know tells me so! ^^ Anyway, you're Phoenix-san's….? *secret* Please   
  
tell her I thank her! Tell her, okay? ^^ *gasp* F--- FANFICFAIRY!?! Oh gosh!   
  
*blush* Please don't call me that or else I'll end up blushing! ^^ I hope, too,   
  
that I can get on with this sooner than expected! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Shampoo-san!! Thanks for the advises!!! I love it although I think I'll never be   
  
able to write a phrase Kamui saying, "I'm sorry, Fuuma… It's too late now. I'll   
  
never be able to love you again. I'm already happy with Subaru…"! And I don't   
  
have the power to kill Seishirou-san or else… *hides from someone* But I'll   
  
think about it hard! Some bit of angst again I think would make this a little   
  
more fun! ^^ Thanks! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Well, minna-san, 'till next century again! Hehe… JUST KIDDING! ^^   
  
-=Kamui Kinomoto=- 


	12. Wish

Teenage Dirtbag  
  
  
  
  
  
Part Twelve- Wish   
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Never mind the title... My mind is currently blank... ^^;;; Anyway....  
  
I'm back, minna-san!!! ^^  
  
Disclaimers: [I read somewhere that disclaimers are REALLY important  
  
and I find myself too lazy to put...] X and all the kawaii characters belong to   
  
CLAMP-sama and Hizashi-sensei is just a name for the director of the play! ^^   
  
Someway she belongs to me but I don't necessarily want her to be mine... ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Subaru. With Sakurazuka.   
  
  
  
Is there any bigger surprise than that?  
  
  
  
I can hear their conversation. And yes, I'm undeniably eavesdropping.   
  
  
  
They didn't notice me when I opened the door so I decided to leave it that way.   
  
Besides, if I'll close it, they might catch me already.  
  
  
  
The two of them are sitting in the couch with Subaru on one end and Seishirou on   
  
the other. The older man is holding a cup of tea. I assume Subaru, being a   
  
little nice host, gave him that.   
  
  
  
If I were on his place, I'll put poison in that.   
  
  
  
Heaven forgive me with what I've thought.   
  
  
  
"Are you really his lover?" Seishirou suddenly asks Subaru.   
  
  
  
"I have no comment with that. It's not for you to know, Seishirou-san."  
  
  
  
I see Seishirou smiles with that a little bit sweetly.   
  
  
  
"I'm just curious. That boy seems to be a little... cynical. I don't know if   
  
that's the word. He's in his teenage period so I think... I'll take back what   
  
I've said. He's angsty."  
  
  
  
Damn. I'm irritated. He's talking about me. My rival, there, he is talking about   
  
me like he's someone who knows me personally.   
  
  
  
"You don't know him that well yet." Subaru says coldly. And I'm touched with   
  
that.  
  
  
  
"Why? You think you do?" That man with the black trench coat questions.   
  
  
  
In my point of view, Subaru gasps a little with that and starts paying attention   
  
with the man in front of him. He blinks a couple of times and clears his throat   
  
gently.   
  
  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
  
  
Seishirou then gets a cigarette somewhere from his suit and lights it. Then, he   
  
breathes a little of it and puffs it out slowly through Subaru's direction. I   
  
think he's just trying to annoy Subaru.   
  
  
  
After that, he snuffs it down to the ashtray on our small living room table as I   
  
put it there a long time ago because Subaru also happens to smoke cigarette   
  
regularly. Shoot. I never imagined it'd be of Seishirou's use.   
  
  
  
They continue with Seishirou replying. "I mean... do you know his favorite   
  
color? Music? Simple things like that."  
  
  
  
Subaru shakes his head gently.  
  
  
  
"So what do you know about your lover?"  
  
  
  
"Nothing." He answers bluntly. Seishirou blinks but Subaru continues, "All I   
  
know is that... He's not happy. Not yet happy."   
  
  
  
The other man is speechless.   
  
  
  
And so I am.  
  
  
  
"I do love him and I want him to be happy. Sometimes, I become fierce with him   
  
but I really love him. I want him to be happy but I... I don't know what would   
  
make him. I know not me, but still... I want to try. Many times, I asked him to   
  
give it a try and one time we did but it just wouldn't work."  
  
  
  
I want to cry with that. I don't really appreciate Subaru much. As long as I   
  
love Fuuma, nothing between Subaru and I would work.   
  
  
  
Many times I want to apologize but I just can't bring out the words.   
  
  
  
"You mean... you're not his lover?"  
  
  
  
Oh no. If ever Seishirou finds out that I mislead him about my relationship with   
  
Subaru, I'm dead.   
  
  
  
My heart starts beating loudly but not speedily. Just loud.   
  
  
  
"I didn't say that. He's my lover, I'm his lover, and you can't do anything with   
  
that. Besides, what's really the reason that you're here? Just to ask me about   
  
how Kamui and I are going?"  
  
  
  
Seishirou grins a little and puts away his glasses then looks straight at   
  
Subaru's eyes, "I'm just making sure. You see, I just want to help you with the   
  
boy."  
  
  
  
Subaru then stands up and Fuuma's lover follows him with a stare. Crap, I want   
  
to vomit that I said that.  
  
  
  
"If that's the case, I don't need your help."  
  
  
  
"I have theories. Our boyfriends are acting a little bit weird."  
  
  
  
"I'm not interested with your theories."   
  
  
  
Suddenly, Seishirou stands up and moves closer to Subaru and the latter gasps.   
  
He grasps Subaru's wrists and moves his face a bit closer to him.   
  
  
  
Now this is not right. Does he have a tendency to cheat on Fuuma?   
  
  
  
Subaru tries to move away but he can hardly do, "Hey...! Let go of me...!"  
  
  
  
"I wonder if you'll be able to say that again after tomorrow, Subaru-kun."  
  
  
  
Because of astonishment, I didn't notice that I have knocked over the pot, which   
  
is here beside our door.   
  
  
  
Both Seishirou and Subaru tilt their heads to look and I even hear Seishirou   
  
says: 'The door is open.'.   
  
  
  
But luckily, before they can even take a glimpse of me, I'm here inside this   
  
another apartment room. As far as I'm concerned, nobody rents this room yet. I'm   
  
safe.  
  
  
  
After dinner, Subaru asks me to give little of my time to him and I agree.   
  
  
  
"What's Monou Fuuma to you?" He asks right away.   
  
  
  
My eyes bulge with that. Why the heck is he asking me this?  
  
  
  
"I... I don't know...! What do you mean?" I try to bring-out the stage-actor in   
  
me.   
  
  
  
"Do you happen to... be involve with him?"  
  
  
  
"He's a schoolmate..." I stutter.  
  
  
  
"I know I told you to forget about yesterday. But I need to bring this out. Stay   
  
away from him, and so with his so-called-lover."  
  
  
  
"Kedo...!"  
  
  
  
"He's just a schoolmate, isn't he? It's easy to stay away from him. I mean,   
  
don't go to the place wherein you know he stays. If possible, try to think that   
  
they don't even exist."   
  
  
  
You don't know how impossible that is, Subaru.  
  
  
  
I ask him why.  
  
  
  
His reply is this- "I don't want you to be involve with those two."  
  
  
  
It's quite impossible now. But I give Subaru a reluctant nod.   
  
  
  
I wonder what were those other things Seishirou informed him to make him think   
  
this way.   
  
  
  
"Tsuki... I... I love you..." Fuuma whispers to my neck.   
  
  
  
We're currently having our practice since the play is already approaching.   
  
  
  
This is my favorite part. No. All the scenes that Fuuma and I are together are   
  
my favorites and one of those is this.   
  
  
  
"I love you, too, but... not as you want me to. Ni-san, I love you as a brother,   
  
brother because you're my brother."  
  
  
  
He looks directly at my eyes and it sends me shivers. I might forget my lines.   
  
  
  
"For once, please let me feel you not as a brother..." He hisses and I can feel   
  
cold sweats trickling down my back ad cheeks. Fuuma's breath is really hot.   
  
  
  
While doing this, I can say that my hand is quivering and I know that Fuuma   
  
notices.   
  
  
  
It just stops when... Fuuma grab a hold of it with his larger palm.   
  
  
  
"Tsuki, tell me 'I love you, Asahi'. That's all I want..."   
  
  
  
I gulp. Now this is the scene we've never tried to rehearse yet. I know the   
  
lines but I don't know what to do. This is the first time we ever reached this   
  
part without any meddling.   
  
  
  
I take a glimpse at Hizashi-sensei and she nods. That means she wants us to   
  
continue so I look back at Fuuma. He's having a serious eye contact with me and   
  
it makes me feel more pressured wit this. I hope I don't get this wrong.   
  
  
  
I open my mouth and try to deliver the lines, "I... I love you, Asahi...?"  
  
  
  
Slowly, Fuuma brings his right hand to my cheek. The other one is still holding   
  
my shaking hand. I bite my lip.  
  
  
  
Even more softly, he traces my cheekbone until he has cupped my chin with his   
  
long slender fingers. He then lifts my jaw slightly and lowers his head little   
  
by little. He is opening his mouth so I decided to do the same.   
  
  
  
I might faint. My heart is beating fast and loud. Too loud for the whole world   
  
to hear. I can't breath normally.   
  
  
  
I'm looking at his golden eyes while he's staring at my lips, concentrating on   
  
the scene.   
  
  
  
Fuuma's eyes are half-closed now.   
  
  
  
In the script, it says he'll kiss me.  
  
  
  
That's something.   
  
  
  
This isn't my first kiss but if ever this continues, this would be my first kiss   
  
with the person I truly love and adore.   
  
  
  
"Aishiteru..." I read his lips whispering that.   
  
  
  
'Aishiteru'... Really how I wish that in my actual life, Fuuma would tell me   
  
that because he does. Not only because he needs to.  
  
  
  
I swallow hard when I feel that Fuuma's grasp to my hand became somewhat   
  
tightened. He raises it a bit.   
  
  
  
His face is just inches away from mine. Shouldn't I feel happy and grab the   
  
chance?  
  
  
  
No. That's taking advantage.   
  
  
  
I look at his open lips. It's neither dry nor wet. It's just simply delectable.   
  
  
  
I can feel his ebony bangs to my forehead now. He's so close. With that, I lock   
  
my eyes and try to wait patiently with what will happen next.   
  
  
  
I'm not that intense since I know that having my first kiss with Fuuma will take   
  
a longer while as I don't sense I can have it *that* easily without suffering   
  
from any pain. But still I wish, this kiss would continue until it becomes a   
  
reality.   
  
  
  
/It will only bring you so much misery. I feel it's not worth it. As early as   
  
now... you better stop./ I hear the girl's voice inside my mind. That makes me   
  
snap out of my fantasies.   
  
  
  
I open my eyes and pull away from Fuuma.   
  
  
  
He unlocks his eyes, too.   
  
  
  
"Na... ze...?" I hear him whisper.   
  
  
  
I feel so lost and confused. Why did I do that?! Isn't the kiss what I want?  
  
  
  
I notice now that I have my two hands near my chest and both are closed. I glue   
  
my eyes at Fuuma. I want to make sure that he's Fuuma.   
  
  
  
He's staring at me, completely unaware of what suddenly happened to me. He   
  
probably thinks now that I'm a complete idiot.   
  
  
  
"Ore wa..." I attempt to find the words to explain but suddenly, Hizashi-sensei   
  
approaches us, clapping and smiling.   
  
  
  
"Good job, you two. That was perfect! I'm so glad that you are my main actors!   
  
We continue that scene later after the break, okay?" She says.  
  
  
  
Then, she looks at Fuuma but Fuuma is still staring at me. Very bemused.   
  
  
  
"Monou-kun, is it okay for Sakurazuka-san for you to have a kiss scene with   
  
Shirou-kun? Do you think we should better fake it?"  
  
  
  
My most beloved looks at her and tried to smile a little. "He's not here so I   
  
don't know. But... his opinion is not needed with that affair. It's my lips to   
  
use after all. As for me, it's okay to kiss Shirou-kun since this is work. I   
  
know many audiences will love that. I want a perfect show. How many times we   
  
need to do kissing-scenes?"  
  
  
  
"Three or four... I think? The two are just for an instant while the other one   
  
is passionate. The left one should be harsh as you are just forcing him to do it   
  
with you. Shirou-kun, is that all right with you? We can fake the others if you   
  
want."   
  
  
  
I don't think I can reply yet. The voice is repeatedly playing in my brain.   
  
  
  
But then, I notice Fuuma tilts his head back at me then gazes with a bit of   
  
niggle, "Wouldn't your boyfriend become jealous? I think he's the type."   
  
  
  
Huh? Subaru doesn't even know about this and I absolutely have no plan to let   
  
him find out. And moreover, he's not my boyfriend. Just a surrogate one to be   
  
able to hide from Seishirou's eyes.   
  
  
  
I shake my head gently. Who wouldn't want to be kissed by the person he loves   
  
the most?   
  
  
  
"It's... not a problem... Actually, Subaru is very supportive to me when it   
  
comes to things like this. He's not the jealous type. He knows the difference   
  
between work and reality." I explain, as I act like someone so sincere.   
  
  
  
I see Fuuma's fingers flinch a little and I sense some kind of an unexplainable   
  
pang. He then removes his gaze from me and lays it to the ground. He's quiet   
  
for a while but it didn't last for long.  
  
  
  
He smirks afterwards and looks at our director, "Well then. That's good to   
  
hear, isn't it, Hizashi-sensei?"  
  
  
  
Hizashi-san smiles and nods with it, "Yes, very nice to know that. So... we   
  
don't have problems anymore! Well yes, we still do, but that's easy."  
  
  
  
I look down. I'm hiding behind tons of lies already. I know that not long after,   
  
everyone will know the truth that they needed to know but…  
  
  
  
"I think I'll ask for his permission first. How about that, Shirou-kun?" Fuuma   
  
asks me with a very fake smile. I don't know. I just think that that smile of   
  
his doesn't really come from the heart.   
  
  
  
I want to avoid that question. I'm sure that a 'no' won't give him any   
  
satisfaction but a 'yes' will kill me.   
  
  
  
I pretend that I don't care about his matter and I bow in front of them,   
  
"Sumimasen, I need to go the restroom. I'll be back for a minute. Domo."  
  
  
  
Instantly, I go out of their sights and yes, proceed to the restroom.   
  
  
  
In front of me is a mirror. I can see myself clearly.   
  
  
  
I have two large purple eyes and light-raven hair. When stricken with sunrays,   
  
it becomes brown. I have fair skin. My body frame is so thin.   
  
  
  
It's rare that I look at myself in the mirror because I tend to hate what I see.   
  
But now, someway, I already feel good about myself. By being with Fuuma, I'm   
  
starting to remove the skeletons inside my closet because I want to breath   
  
normally. I want to look normal and beautiful in front of him.  
  
  
  
I smile a little. The reflection in front of me smiles as well.   
  
  
  
I'm happy to see him that way.  
  
  
  
Having realized that I'm wasting time, I open the faucet and let the waters   
  
sprinkle all over my hand.   
  
  
  
Abruptly, I see new images in the mirror.   
  
  
  
Five tall guys, wearing the same uniform. And they are glaring at me in an evil   
  
way.  
  
  
  
I don't want to turn my back and meet with their ugly faces. I'm still steady   
  
standing. I know what those looks mean.   
  
  
  
Damn, not again.   
  
  
  
"W—what are you doing here...? Do you need anything from me...?"   
  
  
  
"You're far way lucky, Kamui-kun. Having the main role in the play, having   
  
paired-up with Fuuma-san and etcetera... We just can't figure out what's with   
  
you...! You have a face but then what happens when we remove that?"   
  
  
  
I clench my fist. I can't let *that* happen again since there would always be no   
  
Kakyou-san to rescue me.   
  
  
  
"You don't deserve anything of that. You one darn bitch!" One of them shouts.   
  
  
  
I'm shocked with that. My eyes enlarge, "What the hell...! You don't know what   
  
you're talking about!"  
  
  
  
"We simply hate you. There you are entering the scene jut when everything seems   
  
to be okay. With or without Sakurazuka-sama's words, we'll smash you, you   
  
little!   
  
  
  
Someone slams the door and the other one grabs me from behind.   
  
  
  
Dammit! I said not again!   
  
  
  
As my chest is being grasped, my neck soon follows.   
  
  
  
The guy is too tall that my feet are now no longer touching the floor.   
  
  
  
"Hey!" I choke, "Let go of me! Bastards!"  
  
  
  
"We're going to beat the crap out of you."  
  
  
  
The longhaired guy punches my stomach. Gods, I vomit blood.   
  
  
  
"Vomit right away?"   
  
  
  
Punches, kicks, fly over my body.   
  
  
  
They're now hitting me with those brooms they bring along.   
  
  
  
I don't understand but I can't scream.   
  
  
  
I feel my own blood dripping down my cheeks from my forehead. And so are the   
  
ones from my nose. My nose is bleeding.   
  
  
  
They lay me down the floor. I have no strength to stand up at all.   
  
  
  
Now I can see bruises all aver my arms.   
  
  
  
One guy concentrates on my pants and slits my thigh lightly with a small fruit   
  
knife. It hurts. Very much. Blood is now flowing out.   
  
  
  
The other one seizes my neck violently and I thought for a while that it'd   
  
break.   
  
  
  
My eyes are partly open but I can still see them clearly.   
  
  
  
"Why... are you doing this to me...?" I ask them very softly. I'm starting to   
  
feel very very powerless.   
  
  
  
"Because we just want to. Thank god that we didn't rape you. We're not perverts   
  
and we don't think you can fulfill our lustful desires. You're as good as a   
  
cockroach."  
  
  
  
"Now that's enough. We've wounded him big time already."  
  
  
  
"Shouldn't we smash his spinal column?"  
  
  
  
"Gah, I don't want to be a killer, no."  
  
  
  
"Funny, we almost did kill him."  
  
  
  
"We better go before someone ever catches us."  
  
  
  
Regarding that, they start getting ready to leave... and as they do, I feel that   
  
my last left energy fades away.   
  
  
  
Away...  
  
  
  
"MAUVE!!!"  
  
  
  
. . . . . . . .  
  
  
  
I open my eyes. Hoping that everything is just a dream.  
  
  
  
If not, I'm expecting to see Kakyou.  
  
  
  
Is this what they call 'Déjà vu'?   
  
  
  
Weird. The ceiling is not a simple one. It is covered with light-blue wallpaper   
  
and the sides as well have lovely designs.   
  
  
  
I notice that I'm being covered with a very silky blanket and so it is has   
  
pleasant drawings.   
  
  
  
I look under the blanket.  
  
  
  
I'm half-naked. Bondages and band-aids cover almost one-half of my torso.   
  
  
  
I'm no longer in my school pants but in a pair of white pajamas.   
  
  
  
!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
This_is_weird.  
  
  
  
I look around me. This room is very enchanting. Though not that really huge, it   
  
has nice features.   
  
  
  
I try to rise. Eventually I twitch and fall back bed. I feel that my body is in   
  
great pain and it hurts even more when I try to move.   
  
  
  
"Where am I...?" I ask myself.   
  
  
  
Just then, I hear a door rustles. I think it's the door at the other side of the   
  
room. Not really the main one.   
  
  
  
I tilt my head to the right even though it gives me a little throb.   
  
  
  
Wait...   
  
  
  
Fuuma?!?  
  
  
  
"Ah--...?" He's currently in a bathrobe that fits him so well and his hair is a   
  
little soaked.   
  
  
  
Chotto matte... IS THIS A DREAM?   
  
  
  
"Oh... So you're awake..." He immediately notices that I'm staring at him very   
  
surprised.   
  
  
  
The first thing that ever enters my mind is to ask him: "Where are we...?"  
  
  
  
"Motel room."  
  
  
  
My eyes bulge. Utterly stunned.  
  
  
  
"M--- Motel room???" I ask for a clarification while my voice is shuddering.   
  
Maybe my ears and my eyes are playing tricks on me.   
  
  
  
"In fact, I was thinking of bringing you to a hotel instead in a motel because   
  
you know what kind of a reputation does a motel has. But... my budget is not   
  
enough to check-in in a hotel so..." He's talking while looking at my eyes.   
  
Then, he brings along a chair and moves to my side.  
  
  
  
"How are you feeling now?" He later asks.   
  
  
  
Now this is really creepy. Fuuma and I are inside one room? And a motel room?  
  
  
  
Crimson blushes start creeping across my cheeks.   
  
  
  
Fuuma sounds very gentle, "I thought for sure that you're going to die... I   
  
was... very worried..."  
  
  
  
I swallow very hard. Is this really happening? I mean, many things I thought   
  
were impossible but have already happened... But this... It's like... tomorrow   
  
is the end of the world.  
  
  
  
He starts explaining, "I was stricken with so much horror when I saw you lying   
  
inside the restroom with so many bruises, wounds and blood. We were all worried   
  
back there. I brought you to the infirmary right away and after they had cleaned   
  
and covered your wounds, they asked me to bring you home. But I don't know where   
  
you exactly live so... I brought you here. I remove your garments as Seishirou   
  
might.…" He stops.  
  
  
  
Wait... what exactly has happened?  
  
  
  
... Yes... Those guys I actually don't know have beaten me up. They beat me and   
  
I wasn't able to do anything to protect myself. They beat me because... I'm   
  
involve with Fuuma...  
  
  
  
"What happened...? You were already dying inside the restroom and yet you didn't   
  
scream for help! What if you really did die!?!" Now he's angry.  
  
  
  
I can't help but to cry.   
  
  
  
"I... I..." I sob.  
  
  
  
He then immediately snaps and takes a hold of my hands, which are excruciating a   
  
little.   
  
  
  
"I'm sorry... Did I scare you...? No, no... Don't cry... Please..." He whispers.   
  
I'm not crying because he scares me. I'm crying because I'm puzzled.   
  
  
  
As follows, he sits on the bed, still holding my hands.   
  
  
  
"Thank you... I don't know what could've happened to me if you didn't..." I try   
  
my best to speak even though I'm sobbing.   
  
  
  
With that, he unexpectedly locks me within his arms. My backbones kind of hurt   
  
but I don't care. The blanket slides off, revealing my bandaged-chest.   
  
  
  
"I was just thinking... What if you really passed away? You're going to leave me   
  
with only overcast regrets... I haven't even..."  
  
  
  
I don't precisely get what he's trying to say but then my tears continue to   
  
fall.   
  
  
  
"Mauve... no... Kamui..."  
  
  
  
His embrace becomes more tautened to which I feel warmer. The cramps, like miracle,   
  
slowly disappear.   
  
  
  
'Mauve'...? I've heard him whispering that name several times...   
  
  
  
Who's Mauve...? I'm eager to know. He has always been mistaken me for this Mauve.   
  
  
  
He continues, "I realized that many things await all of us... And the very last   
  
one is death... So before anyone of us dies, I want you to know that I..."   
  
  
  
I return his embrace. I don't know. Perhaps he's only practicing his emotions   
  
for the play.   
  
  
  
"I love you..., Kamui." Fuuma finishes.   
  
  
  
...?...  
  
  
  
What is that?  
  
  
  
-Tsuzuku.   
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: *blush* Didn't really give the spotlight to Subby-chan and Sei-chan but still,   
  
I hope all of you enjoyed! ^^ Hurted Kamui-chan a little (or was it a lot) but all   
  
the pains became heaven, ee?? ^_^ Okay, locate your names, minna-san! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Madiha-san!!! ^^ Thanks for R&R and waiting!!!! I hope you wouldn't get tired   
  
always waiting for so long! ^_~ Yuzu-chan... *jumps* I'm so glad I didn't make   
  
her OOC! ^^ First time a non-OOC character! ^^ Heheh, thanks again! ^^  
  
  
  
Kamikakushi-san, ei, thanks for reading YBD!!!! ^^ Oh, I'm so happy this could   
  
make you laugh! ^^ Thank you! ^^ *throws Kamui and Fuuma in the CR on the other   
  
hand*! ^^   
  
  
  
Dahlia-san!!!!!!!!! ^^ I miss you again! ^^ Always thank you for R&R!!!! ^_^ I'm   
  
so happy every time I read a review from you! ^o^ Mm! Everyone has a freedom to   
  
love as long as he/she doesn't hurt someone else's feelings intentionally! ^^   
  
YEAH! ^^ *waves also* *sniffs* Thank you so much for appreciating my work!   
  
*sniff* I don't think I can thank you enough! You're there right from the start!   
  
You gave me the courage to update chapter two and until here! @_@ I hope in the   
  
near future, too, you'll always be there! =^^= I'll try my best to update ASAP   
  
so you, too, okay? ^^ By the way, have you received my e-mail?? ^^ Oh, okay, you   
  
update with GnR and MS now, all right??? Because I terribly miss it!!!!! ^^   
  
DOMO! ^^  
  
  
  
  
  
Fairy of irrelevance-san! ^^ Whoa... a kinda long review there... Let's see if I   
  
can answer all those... ^^ First, I love you, too! ^_^ No need to thank me, I'm   
  
happy doing that! ^^ Now... let's go on... [1] Hello there, guppy-chan and   
  
rhiannon rabbitsbane!!! ^^ Do you know that you have a pretty cool friend   
  
there?? ^^ smiles*! Thank goodness I'm safe...^^v [2] Hmm... no... Fuuma's not   
  
yet free to pursue Kamui. It'd be a little longer for that. Oh, I love Kamui   
  
being thin! ^^ [3] Thanks so much for loving this!!!! ^^ Don't worry, I'll work   
  
with this until to the last chappie! ^^ I also love AU fics... ^^ Especially   
  
when school, or something related to that, is included! ^^ I think it's so cool!   
  
^^ But that doesn't mean I least like the others which aren't AU. It depends   
  
with the story actually! ^^ [4] Oh, the play! ^^ I'm now planning to end that so   
  
I can bring the story to the next level. But it's not yet final. ^^ Kamui-chan   
  
submissive brother... Actually that idea was from one of my original stories...   
  
But opposite. Younger bro loves Ni-san so much but Ni-san doesn't care... ^^ I   
  
just recycled the idea! ^^ [5] Fuuma-kun... he's used controlling himself from   
  
being protective of Kamui but when he isn't able to stand it anymore, it becomes   
  
a little bit overkill... letting out all the care he imprisoned inside the   
  
bottle. ^^ [6] Oh! Nataku! ^^ I've almost forgotten about him since he's long   
  
way ago out of the picture! ^^ I'm glad you appreciated his part! ^^ Nataku-chan   
  
thanks you! ^^ [7] Yuzu-chan is just a personal friend of Kamui who happens to   
  
be fond, too, of Subaru-kun! ^^ [8] Fuuma and Sei! ^^ *giggles* Of course, I'll   
  
explain that sooner! ^^ [9] Okay! ^^ Thanks again for R&R! ^^ I hope I was able   
  
to answer all your questions! ^^ Thanks for the praises!!!!!!!!! I appreciate   
  
those very much more than you could ever imagine! ^^ Bye! ^^  
  
P.S. MY, MY!!!!!!! Thanks for reading my CLOVER fic!!!!!!!! *droolLANdroolGINGETSU*  
  
^^ Aww... here's TD chapter 12, you see? ^^ And I've answere all your questions! ^^  
  
THANK YOU SO MUCH! ^^ I hope very much that it touched you! ^^ I'm so happy   
  
about those things you said! ^^   
  
  
  
Fanny chan-san!!!!! ^^ I miss you! =^_^= Thank you for still reading! ^^ Thank   
  
you! *_*  
  
  
  
  
  
?-san! ^^ Please make yourself known to me! ^^ Anyway, I'm so happy you're glad   
  
about me updating! ^^ Thank you so much! ^^ Oh, I'll continue and finish with   
  
this! ^^ Promise! ^^ YA!!! F/K Forever!!!!!!! ^^   
  
  
  
SupaSaiyajin-san!!!! ^^ Oh... SubaruXKamui...? I just said F/K forever...   
  
*whispers*! Oh!!!! I'm so glad you like the style! ^^ You really get a clear   
  
picture of his feelings, eh?? ^^ I'm so proud to know that! ^^ Thanks for R&R!   
  
^^ Ja ne mo! ^^   
  
  
  
Featherlight-san!!!!! ^^ Yes!! I update!! ^^ I'll never leave this hanging! ^^   
  
Besides, I feel lonely, too, every time I don't see the FF I read being updated   
  
*winks*! ^^ More F/K scenes will follow soon! ^^ I'm just finding the right   
  
timing! ^^ And Hinoto... she was there just to mess with Kamui's brain! ^^ Don't   
  
worry, she doesn't really have a big part! ^^ And Sei-chan~~~~~! ^^ Anyway,   
  
thanks again! ^^  
  
  
  
Link621-san!!!! ^^ *blinks* OH!!!!!!!!!! That... that was very cool!!!! I think   
  
that was a better summary!!! I've never thought of that! ^^ I think I can use   
  
that sooner, what do you think?? ^^ You do good with summarizing! ^^ Thanks for   
  
the idea and the praise! ^^ I hope both of you like this! ^^  
  
  
  
Strawberry Eyes-san!!!!!! ^^ Hello there!!!! ^^ Oh please, leave the '-sama'   
  
part! ^^ Besides, I'm so used being my friend's 'ukeish toy' so I think '-sama'   
  
doesn't fit me. I call others '-sama'! ^^ Thanks for the praise! ^^ No,   
  
actually, I cut the chapter when I think it's too long! ^^ Hehe, just kidding!   
  
Of course, I think about it! ^^ Oh, yeah, if you can, please read YBD! ^^ Some   
  
of the reviewers told me that it was quite good! ^^ I have the feeling that you   
  
might like it, too! ^^ ...Oh, of course the sentence does make sense! ^^ I get   
  
what you mean! ^^ You're German! ^^ My grandpa lives there and I'm used calling   
  
him 'Opa' while I call my grandma 'Oma'! ^^ Is that what you call them, too? I   
  
mean, are 'opa' and 'oma' for grandparents or really for parents?? ^^ Oh,   
  
English is not my mother tongue that's why I'm so poor with it! ^^ I came from   
  
the Philippines... Somewhere here on Southeast Asia! ^^ You're not annoying me!   
  
^^ Actually, you flatter me! ^^ Well, till next chappie! ^^ Thank you and bai!   
  
^^  
  
  
  
Akurei Hikari-san! ^^ Thanks for reading! ^^ But what do you mean his 'pseudo   
  
relationship'?? ^^   
  
  
  
Ishuzu-san!!!!!!!! ^^ Hello!!!!!!! Always thank you! ^^ Yes, that was the word   
  
I'm looking for! ^^ 'Skeptics'! ^^ Of course, no pain, no glory. Kamui and Fuuma   
  
should undergo a lot of things first before finally ending up together! ^^ If   
  
they don't die because of longing, they'll end up together! ^^ Hehe! Domo   
  
arigatou! I missed you! ^^  
  
  
  
Chris pwure-san!!! ^^Thank you, you read YBD! ^_^ Anyway, I'm sorry for   
  
torturing you but I don't mean it! Thank you for saying that this is good!   
  
*happy* No, Fuuma and Sei aren't dream couple. I was just influenced by the   
  
immense growth of SubaruXKamui fans and SeishirouXFuuma and I happen to also   
  
like a seme/seme pairing... I liked the scene wherein Fuuma and Sei shared ice   
  
cream! I think it was somewhere in volume 13, right? Or no? I've already   
  
forgotten. Yeah, I know I'm kind of odd. ^_~ But still of course, my favorite   
  
pairing is FuumaXKamui! ^^ No one could ever beat that! ^^ Domo!   
  
  
  
HellFenix-san! ^^ Hello there! *jumps* NEW!!!! ^^ Thanks, too, for reviewing the   
  
chapters separately! ^^ I appreciate that so much! ^^v Thank you! ^____^ Kamui   
  
seems to be so blind because he never really imagined that someone like Fuuma   
  
could ever like him... especially that it *is* Fuuma! ^^ Yes! Inferiority   
  
complex is the word! ^^ I'm just sometimes disappointed because some   
  
misinterpret Kamui here as weak. No, he's not, is he? ^^ Actually he's doing his   
  
best now to be with Fuuma! ^^ Hinoto-hime... nothing with her! Don't mind her! I   
  
just put her there to mess up with Kamui's brain so that Kamui runs away and   
  
goes straight home to catch Sei! Eheh! ^^Thanks again for reading! ^^  
  
  
  
Person-san! *waves* Is that really what you want to be known?? ^^;; Anyway,   
  
thanks for the praise! ^^ I'm SOOOOOOOO happy you like this! ^^ Arigatou!   
  
  
  
Isabeau-san!!! ^^ I love you, too! ^_^ That's not big deal, really! ^^ I love   
  
answering reviews. ^.^ Hmm... yeah... I'm actually planning about Fuuma and   
  
Kamui's first kiss...! *blush* *winks* Sooner... Just wait! ^_^ Thank you for   
  
R&R!  
  
  
  
Aestalitz-san! Hey! ^^ Hehe! Here I go again! ^^ Did I hear someone  
  
mentioned 'EXAM'!?! Argh! I hate exams! Good luck to you! ^^ Or if it's  
  
already finished, I hope you got high grades! ^^ Yuzu-chan... Don't mind her  
  
^^ Besides, what's important is that Kamui doesn't listen to her. ^^ Fuuma  
  
seems really bad so you can't blame her!   
  
^^ ...Hihi... Sei... let's say he's just 'house-hopping'! ^^ Oh yeah...   
  
Keiichi...! Where on earth is he?! Oh, do you have an idea if he'll ever have a   
  
tarot card??? I think 'The Sun' fits him well... *GASP* Vic and Jerry! ^^ Love   
  
them! I'm an F4 fan... I love the Yamaha commercial very much... HEHEHEH...   
  
*BLINK* Tsubasa??? You mean with the 'Reservoir Chronicle' thingy??? And what's   
  
the connection with this XXXholic?? I think I saw it somewhere... Yeah, I saw an   
  
older Sakura and Syaoran but I'm not that sure about that yet... OH!!!!   
  
TOUYA!!!!!!!! Where???? ^^ Is Yukito in there, too??? I hope they end up as a   
  
true couple there! ^^ If it were possible! ^^ Let me research more on that,   
  
oki?? ^^ 'Till next chappie! ^^  
  
  
  
Bloaty Kitsune-san!!! ^^ Hello! ^^ It's okay if you review later than the   
  
others! ^^ What's important is there you are and you read and reviewed! ^^ Zai   
  
Zai performed really well at the concert *applauds*! ^^ OH! *looks back and   
  
forth searching for a knife* Oh no! Blood!!!!!! ^_^ Sorry for updating a little   
  
bit late! ^^ I'm doing my best to be as early as possible but I just can't...!   
  
*cries~* Thanks again for R&R! ^v^  
  
  
  
Sakurazuka-chan-san! Thanks for reading! ^^ Domo so much, you seemed to like it!   
  
^^  
  
  
  
Mashou no Tenshi-san!!! ^^ NEW!!! I'm so happy every time I read new names! ^^   
  
THANK YOU!!!!!!!! ^^ You go find out more about X now! ^^ I know you'll get   
  
pretty well amaze! ^^ 'Mauve'... *giggles* I hope I'm like a Mauve to my crush,   
  
too... He could have nicknamed me... 'Blackie'. *giggles* I'm just kidding! ^^   
  
Thanks for the praises! ^^ I hope you R&R again! ^^  
  
  
  
Shinigami11-san! ^^ I thought you've already forgotten about this whole thing!   
  
^^ Ah, like my dad also... Always messes-up with the PC I use. *sweatdrops* Hey,   
  
I wouldn't want to kill anybody... especially you! ^^ You ask someone else,   
  
okay? ^^ Eheh... Thanks for the review again! ^^ Ja ne!   
  
  
  
Noir14-san! ^^ Thanks for R&R! ^_^ Yes, I'll continue this! ^^ Don't worry! As   
  
long as there is someone who wants me to, I will! ^^ Domo! ^^  
  
Futagoakuma-tenshi02-san! Nyak... I forgot how to type it correctly... forgive me,   
  
I'm doing this in memory since I have no Internet... ^^;; Oh...! Sadame...! Yes! Since I've  
  
seen X episode 0, it does mean that I've heard of it! ^_^ So "Sadame" is the title, huh? ^^  
  
Thanks for saying that this is good! I'm so proud! And yes, I'm a loving author! Sometimes...  
  
I'm like what you have said... but only sometimes! ^_^ All right... the play... poor poor  
  
Kamui, ne? Because Fuuma is always the center of attraction and Kamui becomes the   
  
center of destruction on the other hand! ^^;;Oh... I only got two months to stay in school   
  
now. After two months... VACATION!!!! And then I'm on my Junior years... AWWWW....  
  
Okay, good luck to you again! ^^ DOMO!!!!  
  
  
  
Until next time, minna-san!!!!!!! ^_^   
  
-=Kamui Kinomoto=- 


	13. Kiss

Teenage Dirtbag  
  
Part Thirteen- Kiss

AN: I'm back after for after what it seemed like an eternity! I'm so sorry for   
updating late! My PC is the only one to blame...! Another thing, I got   
immediately upset when someone sent me a virus in my e-mail add... Despite the   
fact that I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I got initially bothered when the   
laptop I'm using (which is my dad's) displayed the warning 'Virus Found' when I   
opened the message. Warning to all, when someone sends you an e-mail saying that   
he/she has found a stolen document about you, don't open the attachment. It is a   
virus. Really.   
Disclaimer: X is CLAMP-sama's.   
Warning: OOCness and... this chap is... mushier than the previous ones. Ehehe...   
And I put a bonus here!!!!!   
P.S. Dahlia-san, I dedicate this chap for you because you dedicated GnR chap 16   
for me! I hope everyone will enjoy!

======  
  
Silence. I'm swathed in a bottomless- deep silence.   
  
'I love you...'? Did I hear it really right?   
  
Am I with the person who said it really right?   
  
Is this guy holding me close is really the same Monou Fuuma I know who usually   
smirks at me and totally ignores my existence?   
  
"I love you..." He whispers once more. The same words that sent shivers down my   
spines just a minute ago.   
  
Too damn clear that I don't need to ask again about what is it.   
  
"You might ask me 'how could that be'? I have a lover yeah, I know that. But   
this is not what they call 'double-crossing'. This is what they call 'true   
love', I guess... I don't typically go sentimental but... I always want you to   
know that I feel something for you. Do you think this is actually love?"  
  
How could he love me without knowing those important things about me? Without   
being aware about my strengths and weaknesses. Without knowing the consequences   
of loving me?   
  
But come to think of it. I love him without recognizing those things, too.   
  
Then maybe this is only an infatuation and I'll be over this soon. We, I mean.  
  
But impossible. I'm not capable of making someone nuts over me. I'm not worth   
it. However, I think..., I deserve love in a way.   
  
I even told myself once that I don't need reasons to love him. And maybe he   
thinks the same way, too.  
  
There are so many ways in love. There is even what they call 'love at first   
sight'. And 'opposite attracts'. And 'age doesn't matter'... etcetera.   
  
Therefore, in which state are we?  
  
Knowing that he loves me too is...   
  
If I'm not yet insane or currently hallucinating, I think Fuuma and I can work   
this thing out. There's a possibility that our fascination with each other can   
later grow into true love... no?  
  
But wait. Everything isn't that simple. Especially that it involves a person   
named Kamui.   
  
"I beg you... please answer... I don't care about you having a lover. I don't   
care if you love him so. I don't care about what others will say... My point   
is... I could be a greater lover than he does."   
  
If Subaru's truly my boyfriend, it's still not only me. Is Fuuma overlooking   
that he has a lover, too? And a very 'detrimental' one? That their relationship   
is a fact while ours is only a lie?   
  
He soon releases my aching body then places his hands on my lean shoulders. His   
hands are too heavy that my shoulders almost fell. Though these are his hands   
after all and are a prize of its own.   
  
He stares directly into my eyes while I stare blank.   
  
I still don't know what to say even though I've already mulled over for so long.   
  
I'm not too happy but surely not depressed either.   
  
Maybe I'm just confused. Who wouldn't be bemused after hearing that the person   
he loves actually loves him, too?   
  
"Dammit, I need an answer! I'm sorry for being too fast, I know I scared you but   
if I'll not say what I feel, I might end up with nothing. I'm impossible but I   
think everyone is too when they're desperately in love. But wait a minute...   
before I forget... who fucking did this nasty thing to you?!? Tell me and I'll   
bash them all off!" He begins too talk in an ill mannered way again.   
  
Nothing enters within my mind but to ask him..., "Do you really love me? Or   
aren't you just messing with my mind because you know for heaven's sake that I   
am in love with you?"  
  
He gasps, eyes widening in shock.  
  
I continue unknowingly, "why did it has to take you so long?"  
  
His shoulders drop as if he has just lost all the energy inside his system. His   
golden-orbs blink a couple of times, gaping, like he wants to say something but   
can barely bring himself to.   
  
"You... love me...?" He asks like I didn't say it clearly.   
  
I sniff, trying to stop myself from sobbing again, "isn't it too damn obvious?!"  
  
I think he can't believe it. Tell me what's so unbelievable!   
  
"I don't want to cry anymore... I already did too many times before... Fuuma, I   
love you and please don't take it for granted because... this is not as easy as   
what you think...," I plead to him. Now there's no holding back. I already   
revealed to him that I love him truly. I've came across with a lot of agony   
already because of my love for him so this is not the moment to withhold. I said   
I'm prepared to take all the consequences and see, I did until we're together...   
just the two of us.   
  
He is still wordless. It's like tears are blocking his beautiful eyes but I   
don't necessarily understand what does that mean. I stare at him, helpless of   
what he'll answer to me.   
  
"I... wanted you and as I watched you..., I fell in love with you... But it's   
hard because it's one-sided... But I still keep on going..." I whisper, letting   
out all the emotions I tried to conceal for a long period of time so that   
  
Seishirou wouldn't slay me hence I can keep on chasing Fuuma even though   
controlling my feelings is way too difficult. But I continue to strive hard...   
for him. With the consolation that he might actually notice me. Even ones.   
  
But I became so blessed probably because of my endurance. I got the role as his   
partner in our school play..., Kakyou-san who is incidentally his roommate   
helped me once..., and finally, here I am, sharing an intimate but rather blurry   
moment with him after he has saved me from complete demise.   
  
I grasp his arms and shake it violently as I can although I seem to fail   
miserably... so that all the wrong ideas that he has inside his brain will be   
shaken-up. "You see, Subaru is not my lover!!! I just made that whole story up   
so that your Seishirou wouldn't beat me! You're the one I love!!! Are you too   
numb not to realize it!?! What's the matter with you!?!" I yell a bit. I'm   
looking directly at his eyes, hoping that my speeches can give him some impact.   
  
But he doesn't say anything in return.   
  
It makes me unpleased.   
  
So I continue, still with voice shaking and tears in eyes, "I became everything   
I never thought I could be because of you! Please, tell something!!! You want me   
to speak up but why can't you do yourself...?!?"   
  
He then wets his lips with his saliva and abruptly drags my neck over as he   
pushes his head nearer.   
  
In a split second of time, he... he kisses me.   
  
"NH--!" I gasp hard. The hardest one I've done yet. Yes, really, with eyes wide   
open.  
  
W---- WAIT!!!!! What's happening?!?!?!  
  
Not contented yet, he pulls my nape harder, deepening the kiss. Imprisoning my   
mouth with his in a sensual but sincere way.   
  
I... I... can't believe this!   
  
My hands are still clutching on his arms and are pierced desperately.   
  
Slowly, my palms started sliding so it looks like I'm intentionally caressing   
his well-built arms. These glide powerlessly but as I reach downwards, he   
catches it with his own fingers and immediately entwines it along; fastening   
with his.   
  
Like I fall and he catches me.   
  
This surprises me. He... He really is kissing me...  
  
It's almost like everything in the world disappears and the two of us are the   
only ones left. All the wounds caused by those bastards at the campus just   
suddenly heal. This is certainly the feeling I waited for... all this moment in   
time.   
  
No. I will in no way push him away again. Not this time. I swear.   
  
Although still in disbelief, as soon as I get a taste of his lips, I gently   
close my eyes.   
  
Now I want him to taste mine.   
  
I give in to the kiss.  
  
At the same time, my face, and my whole body as well, heats up.   
  
Gently, genuinely gently, Fuuma starts to bend his back lower. He's trying to   
lay me back down this spongy bed. His drool-worthy chest, I feel, is now being   
exposed since the rope of his bathrobe has just started loosening. I'm not   
taking a wild guess since I can feel it being pressed against mine. If only   
these bondages weren't around my stomach, I might feel a wider range of Fuuma's   
flesh. It could have been more beautiful.   
  
Ah, no. Never mind what I've said.   
  
...   
  
Right now, my back is comfortably laid on this bed while Fuuma tops me; our chests   
are now slightly apart.   
  
He's positioned above me as if protecting me from some falling debris just like   
what we see in the movies... Only ours involves kissing.   
  
His beautifully created hands are still entangled with mine. He has moved it   
within my shoulder level so it'd be a lot cozy for the both of us. And I... I do   
feel very at ease with it. I've never been this at eased before.   
  
On the lower part, my legs are stretched in between his own (his knees, and also  
his elbows, are doing a great job in balancing him atop) and I can sense that he avoids   
having contact with it or else... Yes, hormones. Luckily, I'm still on my pajamas. But it   
doesn't count at all, does it?   
  
And... back to the main point...  
  
His lips are the most delicious thing I've ever tasted in this life of mine and   
at this second, I have no plan of letting go. I will never think that this is   
just a fantasy since I'm absolutely aware that this is happening in the reality.   
  
Because I can clearly feel his affection.  
  
It started with a soft touch but Fuuma is slowly beginning to get passionate.   
  
Not thinking-twice, I return the same energy he is giving me. I always want   
him to feel how much I love him. And right now is the perfect moment. I want him   
to know that I've waited so long for this moment to come and now that it's   
happening, I'll not let go. I wish he wouldn't do, too. I wish he wouldn't pull   
away and then tell me that 'Oh, I got you, didn't I?'.   
  
Oh no... My phobia is starting to tackle me again. My fear of being played with;   
the fear of having no chance at all to be loved by Fuuma. Not now, please...   
  
The way Fuuma brushes his mouth with mine is so distinct with how Subaru does.   
  
I'm not saying that Subaru sucks with the stuff. It's just... Fuuma's moves are   
irresistible and I get easily yielded.   
  
His mouth is exquisite and the way he transfers a lit bit of his sweet saliva   
inside my mouth is just plain alluring. I've never imagined this happening and   
everyone knows that precisely. He is full of passion, I can feel it extremely   
well and it makes me fall in love with him more.   
  
Some flashbacks enter my mind.   
  
One of those was when Keiichi informed me that Fuuma was looking at me once and   
then I simply told him that it was just plain crap.   
  
Come to think of it... Maybe Fuuma really did so; I was only too preoccupied   
with the thought that it was impracticable.   
  
Just some hours ago, I was only thinking if how does Fuuma's lips taste like.   
  
And how good does he do with kissing.   
  
And would you believe? I'm getting a perfect experience of it now...   
  
Currently, Fuuma slides his slicked tongue inside of my mouth a bit. I think he   
is avoiding himself to get too sensuous. As soon as it touched mine, I feel   
another blast of sensation; and then I hold onto his hands tighter. He pierces   
his fingers onto my hands more securely, too.   
  
If this is what Fuuma and Seishirou do when they're all alone, then... then...   
  
Oh, I don't know what to say now...!  
  
This is a long kiss and I need to make sure if my soul is still inside my body   
because I have the feeling that Fuuma has already drawn it inside his mouth.   
  
Exaggerated, ne, but it's truly what I'm experiencing right now.   
  
I'm...   
  
...now certain that he loves me.  
  
======  
  
Everyone probably knows me well since I'm one of those 'public-materials' in the   
campus. And damn, I hate it. But I'm going to introduce my self anyways.   
  
I'm Monou Fuuma. And I'm one of those teenagers who think that their life sucks.   
  
But now, I feel completely unlike.   
  
Would you believe me? I'm in paradise. With this damn beautiful guy I love.   
  
I'm used about everyone wooing me. Especially when that Sakurazuka isn't around.   
  
But I've never pictured that this guy under me loves me, too. Above all, I'm   
aware that he has an apartment-roommate who loves him so. How do I know? Simple.   
Just some researches here and there. I have this certain Kigai Yuto who gives me   
some information about him. I just tell him that I'll cut his arms off if he   
wouldn't and then the data are mine. That's why I know things about Kamui well.   
Gladly, my so-called-lover isn't familiar with Yuto at all. If he does, then   
the both of us are probably buried under his Sakura tree by now.   
  
Kamui is too low-profiled that's why everything for me is easy. Easy in   
pretending that I don't know him, don't care about him, and don't want him. The   
fact that everyone identifies him as a complete loser, for me, he is unique.   
  
Back to that roommate guy. Well, I just felt like being smashed on the wall when   
Kamui told me that they are an item. I wanted to go mad then, but I shouldn't.   
  
The only thing I was able to do was clench my fist. And fuck, it didn't help at   
all.   
  
And it made me more nuts when he kissed Kamui in front of me. It was as if he   
was intentionally dissing me. I got initially jealous but I have no right. I wanted   
to hit him straight on the face. However, it would only give Seishirou a lot of   
sick thoughts. So I just stared.   
  
I want Kamui as what he is. My first impression of him was spineless. That was   
three years ago already. But one day, I caught him looking at my eyes. I   
returned the gaze and he immediately removed it. But that look was different. I   
felt a lot of emotions there. Since then, I tried to gather some fast facts   
about him and soon I found him really interesting.   
  
I had a lover then. It was Kakyou. I swore to God that I wouldn't let him down.   
  
But when Seishirou came into the scene, the whole scenery changed. I'm honestly   
afraid of him shitless. But it's a different story altogether.  
  
One time, I confessed to Kakyou that I already fell out of love. Seishirou was   
the one to blame. But Kamui really was the reason.   
  
It was confusing. But Kakyou just smiled. He told me that he understood, and it   
was all right. He didn't reproach me at all. He accepted it. He told me he was   
completely aware that feelings change.   
  
One last time, I kissed his delicate lips. He afterwards told me that he wants   
us to remain close friends... But still, he would continue loving me. I just   
nodded.   
  
That time, I was still free to pursue Kamui. And I regret now that I didn't.   
  
Because I never thought that the whole situation would worsen. And now, it still   
does.   
  
Anyway, right now is not the goddamn time to think about that all.   
  
What's my initial reaction when I saw him lying black and blue in the CR, you   
ask? I was shock for a second. And then when I came to him and then made   
sure if he was still breathing, I swore then and there that I'm going to kill whoever   
did that. I'm dead serious.   
  
Right now I'm still scared. I truly thought that he was going to die because I think   
his body wouldn't be able to stand that kind of torture. I never talked sincerely to   
God since I know He doesn't have the time to listen to a bastard like me. But right now   
I feel thanking Him for not getting Kamui yet.   
  
I took that as a warning. That's why I confessed to Kamui already. I know I will regret it   
my whole life if I'll still remain quiet with what I feel. So I did confess.   
  
And it's a risk.  
  
But enough about that already.  
  
I'm kissing my love's lips. I've just heard from these lips that he loves me. I   
never thought of that. Why? Because I know I couldn't have everything... And   
before, he constantly avoids me and acts so coldly around me. That's my opinion.   
  
I have the image of being cruel towards people. And I just think that a bashful   
person like him would never fall for a brute like me.   
  
Oh well... He tastes so satisfying. And he's returning the kiss enthusiastically. Even in   
my fucking dreams I didn't see this coming, you know.   
  
He informed me that he loves me. That Sumeragi guy isn't his boyfriend!  
  
When he told me that, it was like something struck my cerebrum. I didn't know   
how to react just yet that's why I just kiss him. And I truthfully don't regret   
this action of mine. This simple kiss can explain everything.   
  
I hope the time freezes and everything on this one hell of a world would just   
leave us alone.   
  
I'm gripping his hands, pinning those onto this bed. But there is no sign of him   
faltering.   
  
I kiss him passionately. This is the trice to pour out all my buried feelings   
for him. This is my way to reach his heart.   
  
I wanted this to happen for a long while now that's why I'll never let this   
chance slip away again just like that.   
  
I never really wished. I think people who do are weak. Weak because why wouldn't   
they just make it happen? But for the first time, I will wish.   
  
I wish Kamui and I can go on like this forever.   
  
I can't make that happen that's why I'm wishing.  
  
How I want to make it happen but...   
  
it's impossible.   
  
This world is just that unfair.   
  
Right?  
  
======   
  
Now shortage of breathing is taking place.   
  
Fuuma suddenly pulls his lips away. Good-timing.   
  
Though I don't want to allow it away yet, I have no choice because I'm really in   
need for some air now. I know he do, too.   
  
I puff slowly, still eyes are closed and I swear I can feel his panting over my   
lips.   
  
He's a good kisser indeed.   
  
Wha...?! I just blush at that thought.   
  
We breathe some oxygen for a couple of seconds and as I decided to flee my eyes   
open, he do the same thing.   
  
Now, we stare at each other's orbs in the most different way that we used to do   
before. It's full of devotion right now, and this is the greatest thing.   
  
His mouth is still open (maybe he wants more, right?) like he can't believe that   
we just actually kissed. And it's equally the same with me. This is too good to   
be true.   
  
I gulp, still don't know what to say.  
  
...  
  
None of us would want to say anything. We just stare at each other's eyes and don't   
care that any second now, anyone of us might melt. I wonder if he doesn't feel   
like having cramps presently with that position of his above me.   
  
I blink innocently.   
  
I've decided to be the one to break the awkward silence.  
  
"I---!!"   
  
Just then, he smiles sweetly.   
  
"You're numb, too." He soon says.   
  
"Ee?" I blush a bit.   
  
"You're my Mauve... And I love you."  
  
-Tsuzuku.   
  
======  
  
AN: Kyaaa!!!!!!!!! I'm back, minna-san!!!!! First of all, I want to say   
THANK YOU so much for everyone who reviewed!!!!!! I want to post this as soon us   
now so I'll make the responses a bit short, all right? [so happy that I get my   
PC repaired now!]  
  
DAHLIA-SAAAN!!!!!! (eheheh... ain't I so stubborn since you've changed your   
penname to TianZhu and still I call you Dahlia-san?? ) [ ff.net!!!! Give   
Dahlia-sama her old penname because I'm used to it!!!] I'm so sorry for letting   
you wait for so long!!!! I hope you forgive me!!!! Okay? Okay? No?   
whaaaa!!!!Anyway, I know you forgive me now since I already gave Fuuma and   
Kamui a kissing-scene!!!! blush I'm so poor with descriptions so I hope you   
bear with me on that... Kudasai...? Thanks for everything!!! Don't feel   
guilty about not writing back since after all it was me who told you not to   
write back... (Wha--? I think I didn't make sense their... [sweatdrops]). So...   
like what I always say, continue with MS and GnR all right??? I was happy   
upon reading GnR chapter 16 and so I hope that MS chapter 5 will follow soon,   
ne? Domo!!!!!! [so happy]  
  
Fairy of irrelevance-san!!! Thank you for reading and sympathizing with the   
characters!! I totally agree with everything that you've said! Although I   
like Subaru with Seishirou... I just think CLAMP wouldn't do the pairing if they   
are not just meant for each other. I'm a FuumaXKamui fangirl (while previously I   
was a SubaruXKamui fan since I got to read a lot of fics wherein Subaru and   
Kamui were meant for each other and Fuuma played the role of an antagonist   
[since we know that he really is]. However, after contemplating, I just realized   
that Kamui and Fuuma are just really for each other). I love the pics wherein   
the both of them are together and I find their interactions gorgeous. Whether it   
is a sweet scene or a rivalry scene. But it doesn't mean that I don't support   
SubaruXKamui! Actually, I find them so cute together! And Subaru as a   
potential-seme ain't that bad either! I'll read your 'Bent' as soon as I get   
the time! Thank you!!!   
P.S. WAIIII!!!!!! I envy you for having the 4 Clover books!!!! sniff I also want  
those books so badly but I just don't have enough money to buy!!!!! [cries]  
Another thing, I'm so happy that you are willing to become my beta-reader!!! But   
won't I be bothersome?? If it's still okay with you, I will be very glad to accept  
your help!!!! [bows] My English sucks and I honestly need a lot of help with  
it!!! So am I seeing you proofreading TD chapter 14??   
  
Megami-san!!! YEAH!!! Finally I'm going to have the fanart!!!!! See, here's the   
update!!!! Really sorry for updating late!!!! And still I want to thank   
you for informing me who sung 'eX Dream' ! Domo for r&r!!!   
  
Kamuichan99-san! Thank you for reading and the enthusiasm that you have given   
me is one of the urges I have to update! If only my PC didn't get cracked up, I   
could have updated earlier! I'm a F/K fan, too, (TO THE MAX!!!!) and I think it's   
pretty obvious since I wouldn't write this fic if I'm not! Let's support F/K!!!   
[waves a huge banner] Domo!   
  
SupaSaiyajin-san!! Ei, don't play dumb now! This obviously is a F/K fic!   
Anyway, thanks for r&r!   
  
Featherlight-san! Still thinking about SeiXSub moments... I just can't think   
of a way to give you more of it since this fic happens only by Kamui's POV.   
Although I actually gave a Fuuma POV bonus one up there! Thank you for   
believing in me! Sorry for letting you wait for months. Forgive me, please?   
-- You're welcome for thanking me but I should be the one to thank you for   
reading and supporting! And have you just read that Fuuma and Kamui already   
kissed?? ;-)   
  
Redroseprincess678-san! Thank you for reading always!   
  
Mashou no Tenshi-san! Kyaa!!! Thanks for the compliment! And the kissing   
scene is up there (scroll up again and reread! )! Ain't it a better way for   
them to kiss without anyone watching them?? SeiXSub scenes are under planning   
now! I want you to be happy so I just hope I can make all of them in   
progress!   
  
HellFenix-san! ...And I'm doing the same thing right now! My English is   
not bonky... it's HORRIBLE! Thanks for reading!   
  
Chris pwure-san! Sorry that this chapter took so long! I hope you'll still   
read! Thanks for loving this!   
  
Kamikakushi-san! Thanks for reading and I'm happy because you really seem to   
enjoy this! Domo so much for the compliment! And don't worry, I have finished   
writing 'You'll Be Dead' chapter four! I just don't know if you're going to   
read this first or what. I hope you enjoy/enjoyed both! Thanks so much!   
  
Ishuzu-san! [waves too] You know, like what I always say when I update late...---  
I miss you! So many adjectives there in your review! Thanks for the   
praises! And Kamui has the love now!   
  
ChibiNekoTenshi-san!!! A new reviewer! Wai!!!! Thank you a lot for loving   
this!!!! [smooch] [beam angelically too] Your favorite???? Wai!!!! I love you,   
thank you!!! So many compliments of yours make me blush, do you know that? So   
please tone-down a bit?? Just kidding!!! I'm so happy because you appreciate   
my work! The fault of this story is the bad English grammar... [sweatdrops]   
But then it's a different story altogether, ne? [accepts the plushies] Thank   
you!!! SO KAWAII!!! rubs on face Wha--?? Don't call me Kamui Kinomoto-sama!!   
Onegai! KK-chan (or KeiKei-chan) is okay!!   
  
FrannyMoon-san! You're new also! Thank you so much! I'm so happy because  
you notice the similarity within the X plotline! I think only few people do...   
And Keiichi is one of my favorite X characters!!!! Never think that many hate   
him (though yeah... a lot do... really...sweatdrops)!! Right, right! He is   
adorable, too, isn't he?? So 'certain others', don't hate him! Fuuma   
already mentioned Kakyou there! And more will still follow! Kya!!! I'm so   
thankful that you loved that line! And thanks for appreciating that scene!   
Cause you know what... I'm kinda bitter about it... But never mind! =D This   
chapter isn't that really long but I hope you still enjoyed! Ja and domo!!   
  
Oriquey-san!! (Did I get it right? I'm doing this in memory so if I didn't, this   
is for you ex-Madiha-san! ) Thank you for r&r and bless you, too! I'm going to   
keep this up!   
  
Ashly-san!!! SALAMAAAAAT for loving this ficcie of mine!!!! I'll try writing   
more! And... Opo, Filipino rin ako! Heheheh...   
  
CPV-Phantoms-CTFA-san... [knees trembling on one corner] Uh-oh... Payu-san...   
is... CTFA-san... angry...? Waii...!!!!! She really is!!!!! [hides since this   
chap took a longer while than the previous one] Gomen nasai ne, CTFA-san!!!!!   
This will never be discontinued, I promise!!! And yes, I realize everything   
that's why I'm so sorry!!! [offers another version of chibiKamui-plushie since   
it was the technique used by Payu-san] ...Vince-san? Hasn't he came back yet? Hello   
to him! Thank you for loving this that's why I love you all, too! [blinks]   
Oh!!! Thank you for the Pockies and for the Kumagorou-plushie!!!!! [starts   
playing: Kumagorou BEEEEAMM!!!] Bai bai!   
  
Link621-san! Thanks for reading and please don't kick Fuu-chan!!! =D  
  
Akurei Hikari-san!!! Now Fuuma started the kissing!!! Heheh... Didn't even   
give Kamui the time to analyze at all! But... what do you mean that their   
relationship is false...? Oh, sorry if I confuse you! Thanks for r&r!   
  
Insane Onna-san!!! Masaya rin ako! Opo, Filipino ako! Ayos lang na   
natagalan ka sa pagre-review! Heto na ang update ko! I hope nagandahan ka rin   
sa chapter na ito! Salamat! This is FxK and a little bit of SxS from time to   
time! I support them, too! Salamat uli!   
  
Mink1-san! New again! No problem that you have commented late! I'm happy   
that you got the chance to read this ficcie of mine! I don't know what   
happened with the chapter then while you were reading it... But as for now, you   
have finished reading chapter 12, ne? So good to know that! I'm so flattered   
that this gives you the reaction that I truly want you to have! Yes, I'll   
write more soon! Thank you so much for the compliments! And I'll never ignore   
anyone! Especially you!   
  
Johnny-Depp-Luv-san! Here's the update!! Thanks a lot for r&r!   
  
Shinigami11-san! giggles I didn't do that on purpose, really! Thanks for   
saying that it was good! It's okay that you reviewed later than the others. I   
don't really mind that. Oh, you were grounded...? [feels a bit sorry] You...   
you cussed and threatened a girl...?? I don't cuss either... I never did because   
my parents are going to hang me upside down if I do. Well, I write cusses in my   
stories... But it's the characters that say it anyways...! ;D Guess you love   
your cousin so much (if I get the story right)? Well, lucky your cousin for   
having you! Anyway, ja! And what's with the 'Tsuzuku-sama' thing? If I'm   
going to translate it... then I'm 'Master To-Be-Continued'?? =D  
  
Feye Morgan-san!!! Hello! I'm so happy because you really understand what   
I'm trying to point out here. I'm beginning to regret the fact that I began this   
story using the POV form because I think I'm not really able to set-up the story   
right but it feels so wonderful for me because you still get the whole picture!   
Thank you so much for loving the plotline and the characterization!   
'Mauve'... [giggles] Since the day I read that word in the dictionary, it   
immediately became one of my favorite words! Because his eyes are of that   
color ...Who isn't scared of the Sakurazukamori! Anyway, I'm so glad   
about your review there! I think you're one of those who really appreciated   
this! Thank you so much!   
  
Alex-san! So you are person-san?? I'm happy to address you normally now! =D  
Thanks for reading! And I'll keep on going!   
  
Isabeau6-san!!! What happened with your penname? Why is there a 6 in it??   
Wha!!! Have you read the REAL kiss scene there?? Oh, I think the answer to   
your question was answered right up there! Fuuma doesn't know that Kamui   
loves him. And your thought made sense! I think I will retire now as an   
author... -- [whaaa... poor author, mind has been read I think I was too   
good to drop a lot of hint]! Anyway, I'll try to surprise you more! Just   
wait! Thank you!   
  
Abby -WCD-san!!!! I'm so happy about my ficcie being the first X fanfic   
you've ever read!!!! [jumps] Despite the fact that I know I suck with summaries...   
[sweatdrops] Anyway, I'm glad that my fic has gotten you more addicted with X since   
X deserves to be worshipped!!! [laughs maniacally] Ehehe... sorry about that!  
I'll try writing the next chappie as soon as I post this! Seriously!XD And hai!!! It   
sounds good! Hope you do! I'm always glad to hear more! Domo!   
  
Ai Wataru-san!!! Thanks for reading! [bows] And I hope everyone understands  
all the characters! And do you think that Kamui being so low-profiled is a bad   
thing?? 0.o Ehehe! Thank you!   
  
Aestalitz-san! Congratulations to your 3As!!! Me already finished with my final   
exams one month ago!!!! Yay!! Next month I'm already in third year high school???   
ack! Can't believe it!! ;-) Anyway, Keiichi what?? 0.o I love Keiichi, too, and you   
know that! Whaa!!!! Where, where??? TouyaXYukito!!!!! What's happening between   
the two of them?!? Kyaa!!! blush Oh, thanks for r&r! And Fuuma has kissed 'Mauve'!   
  
Liang-san! Sorry for the late update! I think right now is the fourth month   
already, isn't it?? But I'm glad you're still waiting! I'll really try updating early   
sooner... Since my PC is already repaired now! Yay! Ah! Thank you for reading!!!   
Yes, you are definetely right! Fuuma and Sei-chan are really so gorgeous!! I hope   
you enjoyed the chapter!   
  
Until next, minna-san!!! I'm so happy, I've received so many presents!!!! Bai, bai!  
  
-=Kamui Kinomoto=-


	14. Ecstacy

Teenage Dirtbag

Chapter Fourteen- Ecstasy

AN: Hello, everyone! I'm back for another new chapter! I'm so thankful for everyone who never forgets this story and reviewed the last chapter even though I took gazillion of years to update it! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Anyways, I was surprised as some actually thought that 'Kiss' was already the last chapter... and the good news is, it is not! Though I understand why they thought of that... maybe because it seems so impossible to happen... it could only happen in an ending. But not here! I still have so many plans! I hope it sounds good! As long as you see the word 'Tsuzuku' before my usual rants, the chapter isn't the last yet! ;p The last chapter will obviously have 'Owari' in it!

P.S. If the text formatting is weird, not my fault. /sweatdrops/ Also, there are some symbols or characters that were voided because is mean. But I'm too excited to update this already so I won't be editing this, sorry, ne? Please just try your best to understand it. Thanks:D (the oooo's will be the breaks since the little curve thingy isn't allowed anymore.)

oooooooooo

I am Fuuma's... what?

'Mauve'... The word that almost gets into my nerves every time I hear Fuuma utters it because honestly, I don't know who or what the hell this Mauve is. And as dumb as it may sound, I don't even know what does 'Mauve' mean. A noun? Perhaps an adjective?

I stare at his golden eyes naively. I'm completely clueless of what he is talking about.

Yes, he has already proven to me that he really is in love with me but this phrase 'You are my Mauve' is quite distracting.

Actually, everytime he says 'Mauve', he's like slapping into my very face that it is not my name he is saying.

The very first time I heard that word was in his and Kakyou-san's conversation.

Fuuma told Kakyou-san that this certain Mauve was in the audition for the 'Verboten Love'. Knowing that I, Kamui, have had gotten the role, Kakyou-san felt a bit sad for Fuuma. And it quite offended me knowing that he, or maybe both of them, wanted this Mauve to have the part instead of me. Also, it is goddamn frustrating that Fuuma always seems to have been mistaking my name for 'Mauve'. I want to tell him that 'Please, never call me Mauve again. I am Kamui. No matter how much I hate my existence, I'm still Kamui. My mother gave me that name and I think it is just right that you respect it', but obviously, I don't have the guts to do it. Especially to Fuuma. What's new, right?

But now, he just said that I AM his Mauve.

So what's Mauve then? I am still Kamui, right?

Wait... I'm still on Earth, right?

"What... do you mean by that...?" I ask him, gaping.

He smiles again and I feel like melting right now with that very sweet smile of his... And then, he slides his body next to mine. Now, both of us are lying on this bed and I'm afraid that we'll be cuddling into each other's arms later on.

Shut up, Kamui. Such naughty thoughts.

I tilt my head a bit to look at his face but he finds it more interesting to stare at the ceiling.

"Would you mind to... elaborate more on that?" I ask him with matching puppy eyes though I know that his eyes are focused on the damn ceiling.

He answers right away though, "Sure, why not." Then he finally tilts his head to look at my face as well. The smile on his lips never fading away.

"The explanation is quite simple. Mauve and you aren't different persons really.

Let me say it's just a simple codename. Your codename. When talking about you with Kakyou, I say 'Mauve' instead of 'Kamui' because I'm afraid that someone might overhear our discussion. Especially someone related to Seishirou. Even when talking with Yuto. And well... I hope you don't mind that alias I gave you..." explains Fuuma to me tenderly and plainly.

"Oh..." Now I know... Codenames... Yeah, right...

Funny, I never thought that a guy like Fuuma would ever use such. As far as I'm concern, high school girls-students only use codenames when referring to their crushes to keep it as a secret. As if no one would ever know. I even heard my classmates said once that 'Oh, ain't Uber-genki such a cutie!' when I know that they meant Keiichi by that 'Uber-genki'.

"Do you get what I mean?" Fuuma queries while his cheeks are blushing a real bit. Oh my god, that's so cute.

I only smile and answer, "Yeah... I... hope so..."

"That's good," he responds.

"But... why Mauve…? I want to know... What does 'Mauve' mean anyways? Sorry, I never paid any attention in my English class... My head always seems to float elsewhere that's why..." Right, sometimes I become so stupid even though I really don't want to be.

With my 'little revelation', Fuuma pays me with a little mind-blowing gorgeous chuckle.

"Perhaps, you're thinking about me, am I correct?"

"Wha--!" My cheeks flush deeper, "W—Well... Uhh... You could say that again..."

This feeling is so great... I can tell Fuuma everything I want to now without thinking-twice for I know that he will understand it because he loves me.

Everything went so sudden that I know neither of us noticed it. But still, everything seems to be so damn wonderful.

"Me, too... I always seem to think of you in my classes... That's why when I recite, well, my answers are always wrong..." He states with a sweat-drop. And well, I smile with that.

"Anyway, you ask why Mauve? Well... I have only a single answer to that..." He mutters.

Smiling seductively, I say, "Oh yeah...?"

He grins sheepishly in return, "Hell yeah. Little one, you listen first. I used... well use 'Mauve' because... your eyes are of that color."

"Ah--..."

"I really admire your large eyes. Very purple... Every time I take a look at your eyes, I can feel a lot of emotions. Oftentimes you seem so lonely, lethargic. It's obvious in your eyes. But there are times, too, that you look so exuberantly naïve. Sometimes I can percept that you're mad, too... I can feel that by just staring at your breathtaking orbs. I might sound so sappy now but I hope you believe me because I'm so naturally saying the truth."

With what I've heard I suddenly feel so blissful. So these eyes are my special assets after all. These eyes that usually produce some salty tears when I'm feeling so desperate about everything around me. When I can't help it anymore.

However right now, it feels like there's no need for me to cry anymore. Because

Fuuma is here. Fuuma is here to love me. I hope he'll forever be.

"Okay, I know you see me as a complete dumb-ass right now, ee?" He is practically smirking now and that's not absolutely the smirk I'm afraid of.

I shrug, chortling a little bit, "No... no... I... certainly believe you. Even though it really sounds kind of sap."

"Said so. Whatever you say, I'm not to argue." He surrenders.

Suddenly, the smirk vanishes and his golden-eyes, which I admire a lot too, become so dead-heartfelt. He soon gazes straightforwardly at my eyes, never been looking this serious before. At least as I would know.

"So does this... make us lovers now?"

It suddenly smacks me as if a bullet elapsed inside my forehead.

Lovers?

We've never been even friends before, but now... 'lovers'?

"Sakurazuka is still my lover... but for God's sake, did I want that!" He says, quite like a shout.

I'm still shushed. Am always is.

"I really think I'm in love with you. Let's try this out. Please. If this doesn't go well, then let's just suppose that it's not the right time yet. You're old enough to understand things, aren't you? Think about this. Ka—Kamui, I won't let me lose you now..." He confesses so sincerely that I can't help but to love him more. Every time he mentions my name 'Kamui', I feel so exaggeratedly overwhelmed because the way he says it is very special from how the others do. He's too unique and I hope people will see that very well too so they would understand why I love him so.

Someday... I know one day...

"That's pretty much how it is..." I finally say in a faint voice.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I love you. You love me. What are two people when they love each other?" Right now I suddenly feel like playing a little cute trick on him.

As I expected, he grins a bit elatedly with that, "What?"

"You guess." Now it's my turn to smirk.

"Oh quit it, you. Tell me. Now, I want."

"I thought for so long that you really are hot-headed and just now you're proving me right." I grin bigger and wilder.

"Okay, okay... Tonight is our first night together and I swear I can kill someone if you even take longer with that so don't try to drive me mad or else

I'll screw you senseless the whole night."

My eyes bulge. Now, is he the one playing tricks on me?

"What—did you just say--?" I ask him with one eyebrow raised.

Just then, he shrugs as if it just came to his senses that he has just said something so silly. And yes, it is. "Me? Say what? Oh god, I'm just kidding around. Now you stop messing with my brain and tell me just the answer. Your answer that is."

"No. I wouldn't tell. Why? Because I like your idea better." I just smile.

"What idea? You don't mean…. You want me to screw you the whole night, right?"

I move a limb and smile a devilish smile at him. I swear I've never done this to anyone before. I guess the naughty side of me is surfacing already. Oh Kamui, why with Fuuma?

/This makes you human./ My inner self answers and I sure bet that he is a lot wiser than I do.

"You would do that, wouldn't you?" I dare Fuuma.

"Of course... not." He answers truthfully.

Admittedly, I'm disappointed by that answer of his. I'm starting to realize now that after all, I have no... uhh... sex appeal at all.

"Not until you tell me what's playing on your pretty brain. That I promise." He finishes his statement just now. Just now when I've accepted already that I have no sensual appeal to him. Dammit.

At that juncture, a flickering light of hope grows inside me and I beam at him cheerfully, "Well... when two people love each other, they are called lovers, aren't they?"

Fuuma has paused for a while and then sighs a helpless one. As if I just said something really stupid. "You don't know what you're talking about, do you? I hope that thing goes that way really but let me tell you that it doesn't."

I just blink with that.

"But", he keeps on, "you mean... you want to be my lover...?"

Carefully, I put my head on his chest and smile, "Yes... I do..."

I can feel his heartbeat. So wonderful. I can feel his breathing. So beautiful.

We keep silent for a little while. He hasn't reacted yet with my response.

"Kamui..." Imperceptibly, he caresses my head with his excellent hand.

"I love you...", he continues.

"I love you, too." I answer.

We are... lovers now.

We lay on the bed together until we both fall asleep. I'm very certain that both us will be having very pleasant dreams tonight. Because well, we're with each other.

What about the 'screwing thing'? Oh well, let's just save that for next time.

We dream and in our dreams we're still together. For over some plenty of years now, I have my most delightful dream tonight. I was right when I didn't listen to that 'maybe-clairvoyant-girl'. I was right when I told Fuuma that I love him.

I was right when I accepted his proposal of I being his lover.

I open my eyes and as I do, I try to reach for my other half beside me...

If I get no response from the person I love the most, then that just means... that everything's only a dream.

Being with Fuuma. Being his lover. Is just a dream.

"Mmmmh..." Fuuma moans. To hear his moan early in the morning is like taking an ecstasy drug right after waking up in order to have enough energy for the day.

Wow... it isn't a dream after all. It's so strange that I'm still having doubts about everything that has just happened.

I try to trap him within my arms but his body's a lot bigger than mine.

"Good morning... Kamui..." He whispers seductively. He makes me crave for an early night.

I smile amiably with that, "Good morning, Fuuma..." I feel so comfortable with this.

"I had a nice dream... you were in my dream..." He suddenly whispers to my ears and then embraces me. "I love you..."

I feel my cheeks absolutely blushing with that. I can't say a thing. I can only smile. But in my mind I'm saying 'I absolutely love you, too... my Fuuma...'.

"I still couldn't believe this... Yesterday, this was only my fantasy but now you're with me..." He whispers in a soft voice.

"You know, Fuuma, I love you. But I never realized that you love me as well...

Not until you told me..." I whisper back to him.

"Hrm?" He raises an eyebrow playfully, "Why is that?"

"Because... Because I'm a loser. I'm nothing... I-- I'm not capable of doing anything. I'm not worth anything. I'm horrible, I--! You're a god in the school while I--!"

Fuuma instantly stops my lips from opening at that time by putting his luscious index finger on it.

"Stop saying that. I don't want to hear that. Never, Kamui."

I gulp.

"You're not a loser. You're not horrible, in fact you're very beautiful. Maybe you think you're nothing but to me you're everything, Kamui. I used to believe the same way for a while, Kamui. I thought I was a complete loser then and I should die. I was heartless before. But when I met Kakyou, everything changed. He made me feel so special. He loved me. Now I want me to make you feel special. I love you, Kamui and you should never think the same way again."

I can feel myself dissolving right now... He's staring straight at my eyes and mine to his as well. I think that makes sense. He makes sense. For once I can

say to myself that I'm no more nothing because Fuuma said to him I'm everything and for me that's the most important thing.

He smiles right after that, "You understand me, Kamui?"

I sniffle. I'm about to cry but I try my best not to. Like a lost child who finds his mother at last, I embrace Fuuma tightly.

"Yes... Hai, hai... I understand Fuuma... Yes... I'm sorry..." I murmur spontaneously.

He removes my arms around him and then touches my cheeks with his both palms. He's smiling a bit and his eyes are scintillating. "Very well..." He says.

Then, he plants a very tender kiss on my lips.

I blush for a while after that.

"So here's what we're going to do... We have school for today. You wouldn't go to school. I will drop you by your apartment." Fuuma explains.

"But!"

"Everyone knows you were badly hurt yesterday so that's an excuse. I'll tell everyone in the play that you know and memorize your part pretty well already so that they wouldn't look for someone to replace you. Then I'll also let them know that you sure will be all right before the event. You let your bruises heal first, okay? Then when you finally feel okay, you go to school, and well...

We'll pretend that nothing between us happened at all. Is that clear to you?"

I'm quiet.

Fuuma then suddenly feels there's something wrong. His eyes become gloomy for a while and then he holds my hand.

"Kamui... we'll tell everyone about us... But not this time. We have to wait for a while because... you know we're in an intricate situation... I'm... sorry about that..."

I shake my head faintly and try to smile, "That's okay... I understand you pretty well... You shouldn't feel sorry about that..."

"Thank you, Kamui..."

We've never seen each other for a little while after that.

"Kamui... you sure you feel a lot better now?" Subaru asks me softly.

"Yeah..." I answer, smiling a little.

"You recovered quickly than I thought." He smiles, too.

Yeah... It's because I want to see Fuuma again. I miss him already. Of course I didn't say that to Subaru.

All this time Subaru believes that a car hit me. He insisted on calling the police but I told him that it was my own negligence to blame.

"Oh, Nekoi-san said that Segawa-kun would pass by to visit you. Strange...

Segawa-kun doesn't want to talk to me." He ponders for a while about that.

"Really...? But I told him I'll be back at school tomorrow..." I mumble.

"I want to see him nevertheless. I believe we'll get along well because he takes care of you."

Now I worry about Keiichi. He's prone to slip of the tongue, that's why.

And now here he is.

"Kamui!" He shouts excitedly while giving me a friendly hug.

"Hello, Keiichi..." I reply to him.

Subaru makes him sit on the couch along with us and offers him a cup of tea.

"Good afternoon, Segawa-kun."

Keiichi transfers his gaze to Subaru and then smiles widely, along with little blushes on his cheeks. "Ah! Hello, hello, Sumeragi-san! You're better looking than I actually imagined! Nice meeting you! I'm Segawa Keiichi, Kamui's friend-classmate!" He introduces himself in an uber uber genki way. What do you expect of him? He's very lovable, no?

"Yes, yes, Kamui already told me that. Nice meeting you, too." Subaru responds to him in a very nonchalant way with a little smile, well, compared to Keiichi's.

"Ooh! Great! I thought Kamui never thinks about me after leaving the school!"

I just sigh with that with a little sweatdrop. Keiichi can never stop talking and being genki. But that's what I admire about him. Oh well, I've said that already, haven't I?

"Oh well..." Subaru stands up. "I guess I have to leave the two of you alone now."

"Thanks, Subaru."

"Alrighty, Sumeragi-san!" Keiichi waves his hands at Subaru.

And so Subaru leaves. I let out a small sigh of relief.

"Kamui, how are you? I terribly missed you."

"I'm alright now, no need to worry, Keiichi."

"I know everything already." For once, he unexpectedly becomes serious.

"Huh?"

"Monou-san... he talked to me. He told me everything... That's why..." His face slowly becomes shadowy.

"That's why?" I prod him.

"You know that I perfectly know what you are doing everytime, ne?"

"..."

ooooo

"You do know that I would do something really upsetting, don't you?"

"GODDAMMIT! LEAVE ME ALONE! You've been messing with my life for quite a long while now!"

"No. You know I wouldn't do that."

"Screw this! Damn you!"

"And damn you as well."

ooooo

I terribly miss Fuuma by now... It has been four days since I stopped attending classes because of all the injuries I received. Now I'm feeling all right. I'm just wondering about the school play... Of course I wasn't able to practice for days... but sure I try hard. I still read the script booklet like when I'm bored or when I try to put myself to sleep.

At the moment I'm still thinking about that unpleasant incident... Why those people hurt me when I'm doing utterly nothing to them. However, every time it enters my thoughts that it's because of that Fuuma and I recognized our attachments for each other, I can't help but be grateful. Even though it sounds foolish.

Now I'm ready to go to school again, which I used to call hell, as a different

Kamui. No more anxieties and not thinking anymore about how Fuuma will ignore me.

I take my bag and smile at Subaru who is presently drinking his green tea while resting on the couch.

"I'll be going now. Bye, Subaru!"

He blinks. Blah. Well I know he finds it odd.

"B—bye...?" He whispers unbelievingly.

I leave the apartment and start walking myself to school. I'm very excited to see Fuuma. I know we'll not be smiling, cuddling or whispering sweet nothings to each other just like any other usual lovers yet I'm still very keyed up to see him. Just the thought that he'll look at me makes me really delighted.

It's an unusual silent morning; perhaps I'm just too early for school because I see not a single student walking along with me.

The air is fresh and brown leaves keep falling on my hair to my foot. I can feel the autumn coming.

And I thought it's the autumn. How come Sakura petals are also following my direction when there's no Sakura tree at sight?

I stop walking. Now I don't feel so good.

I close both of my fists. I shut my eyes and turn around. Hoping that when I open those, I'll not see whom I'm expecting to see.

I take a mental deep breath. Then open my eyes.

"Yes, you're correct." He suddenly says. He- the Sakurazukamori.

Immediately, my palms start perspiring and so is my brow. I swallow hard and look at him the same way he's looking at me right now. I know how he's glaring at me hard, even though he hides those eyes behind dark glasses.

He smiles at me, "Congratulations, ne?"

I twitch with that.

"But... My possessions are my possessions. Sorry, but I can't share one of them with you." He carries on, still smiling.

I want to run. Run somewhere he can't see me. But I must not.

So I gather all the guts I have inside of my system and start grumbling, "I don't have a single idea of what's with Fuuma and you but I'm pretty certain that he doesn't love you the way he seems to! And I'm sure that you don't really love him too!"

I gasp after that. I can't believe I just said something like that.

But Sakurazuka is just standing still, with his hand in his pocket.

"Oh... what a brave kid you are... No wonder Fuuma likes you a lot."

I still try to be fearless. But actually, my knees are trembling now.

Until his smile turns into a smirk.

"And what Fuuma likes, I dislike. And when I dislike something, I destroy it."

He finishes.

/Destroy it./ I can hear it echoes.

Tsuzuku.

oooooooooo

AN: OMG, OMG, OMG! Yes, I am baaaaaaack! I miss all of you, my precious precious readers! Yes, I know I took a reaaaaaaal long while that's why I hope you liked the chapter! 3 I hope you can still remember me! nervous smile Sowee, I just got busy with JRock these past few months... Eheheheh! XD

Abby-WCD-san! Sorry, I have only one update for now! Forgive me, ne? But… YEAH! Worship X and all the delicious pairings there are! WOO! And yay for kissing Fuuma and Kamui! Hehe! XD Of course, of course, there'll be S/S goodness since they're also the love! Hahaha! Stop reading too many fanfics! XDDDD

CPV-Phantoms-CTFA-san! Yay! I learned how to calm CTFA-san! happy OMG,

Vince-san wants a kiss too? Oo OMG, Vince-san ish gaaaaaay! YAY! celebrates Oh! Thanks a lot, Payu-san! And sorry for letting you wait for a real loooooooong time! deep bow And the format, yes, I checked it before posting because alas, I have internet! Yay again! And Sei-chan is... points above There! XD Scaring Kamui-chan! ; Oh! I adore gay people too! v

But... OO No, don't kill me! hides I'm just writing what I should write! XX Haha! ...And yeah, what did Vince-san do? Oo; Oh! Hello, hello, EmeraldP-san and VioletP-san! waves Here, I continue! And thanks a lot for all the support! chu

HellFenix-san! blushes Thanks a lot for the praises! I really appreciated it! Yay!

Megami-san! OMG, where's the fanart? Hehe! XD lol, just kidding! There's no need to hurry, besides, I took a long while with this too! Thanks a lot!

Ishuzu-san! I missed you! Much love for Kamui-chan! Thanks a lot for continuous r&r! I 3 you!

AcePilot-Ikari-san! Hello! I'm happy you are enjoying this! feels greatThanks!

Kamuichan99-san! I'm very sorry for not updating soon! deep bow But I'm back now! huggles And YAY for F/K! hearts waves banner again Thanks for r&r! Yup, they really are my favorite couple of all time!

Liang-san! Ei! OMG, good luck with your studies, ne? Hehe! Swooning ish cool as long as your parents doesn't see you! v Oh, I'm glad I helped you with virus! Because yup, they're evil! P Thanks!

Kage Tsuki-san! I'm soooo sorry for letting you wait again! XX I hope you forgive me! Thanks for still reading and reviewing! And yes, there'll be S/S as promised!

Elina-san! Bonjour to you too! Hehe, sorry for the grammar mistakes, my

English is really poor often times. XD Thankies for the advice, I appreciate it!

Chris Pwure-san! Don't worry, I'll make a chapter for the whole Sei&Fuuma thingy soon! smiles Thanks a lot, ne?

Kamikakushi-san! Omg, don't call me Kinomoto-sensei! I'm not worthy! XD Thanks for r&r always! Ja ne!

ChibiNekoTenshi-san! Hooray! Oh, have you posted your story already? So happy for inspiring you! Yay! Thank you!

Dahlia-samaaaaaa! I really missed you! huggles Omg, you can't imagine how much! teary eyed I'm happy I made you happy! Thank you so much for your endless support, you really inspire me a lot! I'm still hoping that you'll continue your story, by the way because I miss it a lot, seriously! BITTE! hearts I hope I made you happy again with this chappie! Iwuv you!

Eiri Uesugi-san! Thanks for the e-mail! Sankyuu for the praises and the concern for my grammar errors! I'm really grateful for it! And I know you can write a lot better than me!

Fanny Chan-san! I'm back! Thanks for always reading and reviewing! Iwuv you!

SuperSeme Fuuma-san! Omg, we're friends in LiveJournal! huggles I never know that we have a lot of interest in common! Here, I update! Thanks for r&r! hearts

Fairy of irrelevance-san! WAAAI! I already updated this because opening of classes are fast approaching and now's the only time to have this updated!;; Sorry if I wasn't able to wait for you ;; But really, next time, I promise! I hope you'll not beuber busy then, ne? 3

Krad-san! Hello! Omg, I'm awesome? Oo Thanks very much! giggles Oh! I love you too! Here's the update!

Shinigami11-san! My, I missed you! And don't call me Tsuzuku-san, lol! Hehehe! XD Thanks for always r&r! I heart you always!

Isabeau6-san! I'm here again! I'm so glad you liked the kiss scene! I perspired a lot while writing it! XD Lol, of course I won't retire! Hehe! XD

Yes, yes, you got all of that perfectly correct! Oh, thanks for the advise,

I'm following it right now! And so sorry for letting you wait for so long!

Kiane Keanu-san! Oh my, I'm so glad the OOCness didn't bother you! ;; Thank you!

Hijiri Hitokiri Battousai-san! Sowee for the mistake! Of course I will not argue with you since I'm not Japanese! Hehe! XD I won't do it again! And thanks for r&r!

Akurei Hikari-san! Nope, it's not the end yet! Yay! Thanks for r&r!

Lara-san! Yay for crying and laughing! And no, it's not the end yet! v

Liviania-san-san! Thanks for reading and reviewing! So happy that you understand me! And really sorry for the OOCness! ;;; And Fuuma and Sei-chan-- must keep quite You have to wait for that! v

Xxkuranaixx-san! Lol! XD That's all right! I understand you pretty well.

Besides, this is a very long reading for you so that's okay! Thanks for reading anyways:)

Billy-san! Nyah! Here's an update! Thanks for r&r! Yay! I'm not ending this soon! v

Michele-san! Yay! Sankyuu! I'm sorry if I wasn't able to update sooner but here it is now! )

Rin-san! OMG, I appreciate you reading and reviewing and even bookmarking this story of mine! huggles Yes, yes of course I'll finish this story, don't worry!

InsaneHuntress-san! Waaaaah! OMG! My seme-nee-chan! I can't believe you'll actually read my fanfic! And you read all the chappies in two days only! OMG! LOL! XD huggles Here, I continue and I'm hoping I can make you happy with this! I miss you so! Come back on LiveJournal! Waaah! You flattered me a lot! blushes I love you, too, nee-chan! huggles Thanks for inspiring me to continue this! Oh, and Mauve means "purple"! giggles I used that because it sounded really nice and because "Kamui-chan's eyes are of that color"! Yay!

Catsmeowh44-san! OMG SANKYUUUU SO MUCH FOR THOSE OVER OVERWHELMING PRAISES! HUGS I'm... speechless right now! I don't know what exactly to say! teary eyed I really appreciate the fact that you enjoyed this! Thank you so much! Now here's chapter 14 you see? WAAIIII! So please don't die! 3 Again, thanks very much!

So, until next chappie, minna-san!

/Kamui Kinomoto/


	15. Past

**Teenage Dirtbag**

Chapter Fifteen- **Past**

Disclaimers: X and all the wonderful characters belong to CLAMP-sama. At least not the play director who isn't wonderful at all! XD 'Verboten Love' belongs to me But it isn't wonderful either! D

AN: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter! I'll try to reply or e-mail to all of you as soon as possible!

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

/And when I dislike something, I destroy it./

He just said it thirty seconds ago but it's like it has played inside my brain for the 23047th time now.

I can feel my heart throbbing rapidly. I already felt like this before... when Fuuma kissed me. But that entirely is a different story.

My palms refrained from sweating. It's only as cold as dead at this instant.

I still make an effort to stare hard at the Sakurazukamori's eyes. I want to show him I'm not petrified of him even though I, in all honesty, want to flee from him right now.

And I do mean right now.

I clenched my fist harder; I'm still struggling to carry on my breathing.

It's like I'm facing death, being in front of him.

But he, while I desperately want to cry my heart out and screech for rescue, is just standing there still, returning my glare like sharp daggers of doom. He's still smirking. I wonder if what's hiding behind that smirk.

I must say something. I really should. Or else, he might end up slaying me if ever he gets bored waiting for a response from me.

I promised Fuuma that we'll see each other today. I want to see him. I tremendously want to. My lover... is waiting for me after days of not seeing each other.

I want to keep my promise.

I'll not die. Not today. Not by this bastard's hand.

And so I gather all the courage that is left in my system.

I grimace, my teeth are almost gnashing. I strive to make my eyes sharper.

"Just what the hell do you want from me!" I yell.

But he just smiles in return, "I told you, didn't I? Don't make me repeat it, little one.

I swallow awkwardly. I'm attempting to maintain my composure, avoiding looking weak and vulnerable.

"You didn't!"

"I didn't? Oh well I guess you didn't get what I'm trying to say here." He just mutters in a soft relaxing voice.

And then, he pulls out a cigarette from his coat.

I swear to gods I thought he was going to pull out a gun.

He also gets hold of his precious lighter.

He lights it and then walks closer to me.

I step a little bit backward. I'm afraid. Really afraid. But I shouldn't be. I'm not the feeble little Kamui anymore. Not anymore. Not ever.

Because Fuuma said I should never think the same way again.

"Fuuma... that boy is mine until I'm sick of him. He's my prey until I want him to. He is my possession until I enjoy his beautiful, sensual existence."

He's talking about Fuuma as if Fuuma's just a toy he is currently playing with. As if later on when he doesn't want Fuuma anymore, he'll just throw him away with no care. Like he never took pleasure in him.

And I hate the way he talks.

He's talking crap.

But he continues, insensitive to what I'm feeling or thinking at this point in time.

"I know. You do have interest on him. And he does to you as well. That's fine with me. But he is still my lover. I won't let you get in the way. I won't let you beat me over him. Not by you."

I can say that his ego is higher than the Tokyo Tower. He doesn't love Fuuma to the slightest bit. But because everyone knows that Fuuma and he are lovers, he wants to leave it that way.

I understand him pretty well. If ever anyone learns that Fuuma left him for me, then it'd be a big dishonor to his part.

He doesn't want to be defeated by me. By I who is known to no one, detested and a _teenage dirtbag_.

But to Fuuma I'm everything.

"You think you two can ever hide from me? Well I must tell you that you can't. Not at all. I very well know that Fuuma checked-in in a motel. He used to, before. But he's with me. But I learned from reliable sources that he checked-in with you. That's absurd."

I don't want to say a thing.

So he carries on with his little speech, "And he even told me to goddamn leave him alone when he knows that I won't. He's acting a little bit strange now. Unlike before when he used to be so physical with me. I miss that Fuuma dearly. He's like that nowadays because of you and you only."

I don't know but I just keep on listening. This guy is really getting into my nerves already.

"So I guess I must kill you once and for all." He says, like he's only saying a simple 'hello'.

And that makes me twitch a little bit.

I will not die.

"Leave me alone! Leave Fuuma alone!" That's all I can say.

"Oh yeah?"

He starts to get nearer to me. And then before I can even notice it, he's seizing my wrist now.

My eyes grow larger. I gasp. But there's no change with his facial reaction at all. He's still smiling, he looks benign and innocent. But I know that it's a devious smile. Devil.

"You choose. I kill you or I... bed you?" He says in a teasing voice.

"What the hell--?"

I shall die than to make out with him!

I know he's trying to say something, do something. Play with my puzzled and scared mind. But then...

We're both interrupted by this certain intruder.

By...

SUBARU?

"I see it's you again..." He says, looking at Seishirou callously.

"Oh...?"

And so with that, Seishirou's attention is diverted to Subaru.

But Subaru transfers his emerald eyes to me, "Kamui, you left your English book. I have it here with me."

My eyes just blink automatically, "S—Subaru...?"

Then he glances at Seishirou again, "Let go of him."

His voice is cold, impassive. It sounds like a warning.

"But I'm trying to make a deal with your little Kamui here." Seishirou's smile becomes sweeter.

But Subaru isn't even distracted by it.

"Make a deal with me then."

Seishirou finally turns away from me to concentrate on Subaru. He tosses his cigarette away and faces Subaru.

While I stand in confusion.

"You're a very interesting person indeed. Despite you being not Kamui's real boyfriend." Seishirou lets out a small chuckle while Subaru is a bit taken aback.

"How did you--?" he whispers.

But Seishirou doesn't let him finish, "I was asking Kamui, before you came, to choose whether I kill him or I bed him. He hasn't chosen anything yet."

I see Subaru gulps, still trying to keep a straight face.

Now he's the one staring intensely at Seishirou.

"Then let me choose for him."

That bastard's eyes grow with larger interest, I can see it.

Until Subaru says, calmly:

"Bed me then instead."

I'm surprised. Does Subaru even know what he's talking about!

My eyes bulge in shock, I extend my arms in hope to reach for Subaru but I don't know with myself, I just can't bring myself to.

"No! Subaru! What are you trying to say!"

But Seishirou just raises an eyebrow, still grinning.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying, Subaru-kun?"

"Stop calling me that, Seishirou-san."

Seishirou laughs, "I don't have an idea but I like the sound of that. So are you good in bed? Do you think you can surpass Fuuma's _bed skills_?" Now Subaru is the one being teased by Seishirou.

...This confrontation isn't going anywhere!

But Subaru just replies straightforwardly, "Why don't you try me then?"

I become even more astounded.

"Subaru! Stop saying such words! You have nothing to do here! This is all about me!"

Subaru just completely ignores me. And so is Seishirou.

"I don't have a single idea if what is it you want from Kamui. And I don't care whatsoever. But I want you to take me instead of Kamui."

"You're entertaining me, Subaru-kun. Then I guess there's no harm in trying, ne?" Seishirou smiles a _naïve_ smile, "Come with me and we'll try to figure things out."

"NO!" I try to wake Subaru's thoughts up.

I don't know what's running inside his mind now! He has never been like this before! He's acting completely odd!

Subaru gave me a small quick look as I try to open my mouth to pronounce more words. But I can't. Only wheeze comes out. Words won't let me grab them. I can't say a thing!

I can feel tears collecting into the corners of my eyes now when I don't have a sole clue why.

Seishirou moves towards Subaru's direction until they're standing face-to-face. He soon removes his sunglasses and smiles once more.

That irksome smile.

"Shall we go, Subaru-kun?"

Subaru just acquiesces, "Hai."

Then again Seishirou begins walking towards to where I'm standing, while Subaru is following him quietly.

"Su—Subaru…!" I whisper almost incoherently.

But they just pass right beside me. They didn't even look at me. As if I'm not standing there.

Although I hear Seishirou saying in a sinister tone, "You're spared today, little one."

Then, I hear my English book falling onto the ground.

Subaru didn't say a word as I chase them by my eyes.

Frozen.

I'm like frozen as they depart. I don't know what is the right thing to do now.

I never wanted Seishirou to kill me nor bed me but—I never imagined seeing Subaru with him!

How could Subaru even tell that selfish bastard to bed him!

I continue to stand there in bewilderment until they already vanished off my sight.

**lllllllllllllllll**

How can I be so selfish!

How can I let Subaru be with Seishirou while I'm just sitting here, doing absolutely nothing to save him!

"It's so nice to see you again... Shirou-kun."

Fuuma finally comes for the rehearsal.

I raise my head to meet with his golden eyes. He's smiling a little bit. I can't help but to blush with that when I shouldn't.

"Y—Yeah..."

I want to embrace him and tell him that I missed him so much and I'm glad that I'm with him now.

I wonder if Fuuma wished for me too while we're not seeing each other. He's acting pretty usual at the moment. Like the way he used to when we didn't know yet that we love each other. I mull over how Fuuma can be a very great actor in front of the others. I hope too that I can conceal my feelings effortlessly just like the way he is doing right now.

Hizashi-sensei heads for us. She smiles and examines my body.

"Shirou-kun, are you sure you're feeling all right now?"

I shift my gaze to her.

I simply smile and nod, "Hai..."

"That's so good to hear. We were all very worried about you. I'm very sorry for what happened to you. Don't worry; the school is investigating on it." She reassures me.

But I know that's pointless now. What's done is done, it can't be undone. I'm quite sure that they're not going to get the culprits caught anyways. Especially if those bastards have a connection with that Seishirou. Damn.

Just then, I sense Fuuma glimpsing at me so I glimpse back.

He just gives me a very charismatic smile of his. Maybe that is his way of telling me that he misses me or that he still loves me.

I like that smile. I want to acclimatize myself with that smile.

I smile back but only slightly so that the others won't notice how passionate I can be to Fuuma. This isn't an easy job. Pretending not to feel anything for Fuuma at all is a big pain.

"So you think you can continue practicing now, Shirou-kun?" Hizashi-sensei cuts short our sweet little moment.

"I... think so..." I murmur.

"So... I think we shall go get started! The event is fast approaching; we have to get this done as early as possible!" Fuuma utters vigorously.

And Ms. Hizashi notices that vigor.

"Ne, Monou-kun, you sure sound so energetic today! Is it because of Sakurazuka-san?" she asks enthusiastically.

Both Fuuma and I gasp a little with that.

"..."

But he just smirks afterwards, "Sure."

"I said so!" Ms. Hizashi sniggers.

I fix my eyes on to the ground. How excruciating it is to hear that reply of his when I know that it's not true.

I hope I can hear him replying once that "_no, it's because of Kamui._"

I know... one day it'll come true. When we're free already.

Then I hear Fuuma whispers my name in an apprehensive voice that no one should hear but me, "Mauv— Kamui..."

**lllllllllllllllll**

"Nnnnnh..."

"You're enjoying this as much as I do, aren't you...?"

"Aaaahh... St—Stop that... P—Please... It... hurts..."

"I love the way you moan. So cute. So childlike."

"Don't... touch me... there..."

"You're very... different from Fuuma. I thought you'll be rougher. But it seems to me that you're just as vulnerable as that little Kamui."

"Shut the hell up... Mh—ah—aaah… I'm—not doing this because of you. I'm doing this for Kamui only. Hnnn..."

"Soon you'll find yourself indulging in me, Subaru-kun."

"I t—told you never to address me that way..."

"You're a little bit shy, ne? Is this... your first-time?"

"..."

"Silence means yes."

"Painful... Stop that... haaah... I'm begging you..."

"Beg me more."

"Ahw—ooooh..."

"You're so cute. I never thought you can be this innocent."

"Stop... talking nonsense..."

"Do you want me to get deeper?"

"No... Noooo... S—Seishirou-saaaaan...!"

**lllllllllllllllll**

"Nii-san... No..."

We're currently having our play practice. I missed this like I missed Fuuma. I never thought that I'll take pleasure in stuff like this.

Fuuma is grasping my wrists now, as it says on the script, while everyone is watching us ardently.

I'm acting as a hesitant little brother now. I hope my acting skills are improving as we are rehearsing for this presentation. So it can help me in pretending that I'm completely uninterested in Fuuma.

"I told you stop seeing that fucking guy, Tsuki! That Hiroki guy!" Fuuma roars.

"Hiroshi! His name is Hiroshi, nii-san!"

"The hell I care! Stop seeing him!"

I cry in reply, "He's my friend! Don't I have a right to befriend someone I like!"

Fuuma frowns, still part of the scenario, "That's the problem! You like him and I—I don't like that!"

"You really are uncanny! You're not like any big brother I know!" I try to shake his hands off my wrist.

"Of course I'm not! Because I love you!"

"But I love you!"

"Shut up! You don't get what I feel! I love you! More than a brother! More than anyone else!"

I gulp.

"I—I…" I pause for a moment... And whisper, "I love you

too... more than anyone else..."

That's... not in the script. I just feel like saying it because I can't wait anymore to tell Fuuma again that I love him.

Fuuma's eyes blink with that. And so is everyone else. As if I just said the dumbest thing in the world.

"Cut!" Hizashi-sensei calls through her mega-phone.

Fuuma's grip to my wrists becomes softer. He looks perturbed now.

My eyes become murky and I whisper apologetically, "I'm... sorry..."

"Oh, that's okay! We can try it again later. We'll have a break for fifteen minutes," announces our considerate play director.

Everyone heads off the rehearsal room at once.

Until it's only Fuuma and I.

Right away, he holds my hand tenderly and directs me to sit down with him. I didn't say anything.

"Kamui..." He touches my chin so I can face him.

"Hmm...?" I stare at his eyes, asking.

"Is there something wrong with you?"

I just smile amiably, so he won't tire himself worrying about me, "Nothing..."

Actually, I'm bothered about Subaru right now. I wonder if Seishirou's actually in bed with him whilst Fuuma and I talk.

"Are you sure?" Fuuma says soothingly.

"Hai... Fuuma... I missed you so. Have you been okay?"

"Of course. I always think about you. I missed you a lot as well, Kamui. I'm so glad you're finally okay. Have your wounds truly healed?"

"Mm-hmm..."

He grins passionately now.

"Can I kiss you, Kamui?" He queries innocently.

I blink then blush. It's almost a routine.

Fuuma draws his face nearer to mine lightheartedly, "Can I get a kiss today, Kamui?"

Oh my goodness, Fuuma. Why are you doing this to me? You do know very well my inclination and I love you for it.

I didn't retort. Instead, I just nod appealingly, "S—sure..."

He licks his sexy lips and moves it to meet with mine.

I close my eyes gradually and soon I can feel Fuuma's lips delicately touching mine.

That was brief but... it feels enchanting.

"I wish we can do this a lot of times..." He says afterwards.

"Yeah..."

"Kamui... I want to explain some things to you. About myself. I don't want you to hear it from other else." Suddenly, he is sounding very serious.

He shifts his emotions so quickly.

My lips still desire Fuuma's. So I'm not able to respond to him immediately.

Without my reply, he begins, "I think I mentioned to you before that... Kakyou used to be my lover."

I nod.

"I met Kakyou several years ago. I met him in front of the Togakushi shrine, my family's shrine. He's very beautiful so I couldn't help myself but to be attracted to him. He looked so fragile. He kept on visiting the shrine because I asked him too. After some months I fell in love with him. He never told me back then that he loved me as well but I could feel it. And so we decided to live-in together. You see, until now we still share the same apartment room."

I listen to him carefully. I want to discover more things about Fuuma. It's just not enough that we are _lovers_.

Fuuma continues, "I was contented with him. We were so in love. He was naïve, just like you are. He let me hold him in my arms, kiss him lightly. I took care of him very well."

I don't know what to feel. Somewhere in the middle I'm feeling jealous. But he's talking about his past. I'm his present. So there's nothing to be vexed about.

I nod again.

"And then a certain meeting changed everything. Changed my life and Kakyou's life. And now it's changing yours."

Fuuma grips my hands tighter that it almost hurts. But I didn't tell him. I just keep quiet.

Now he's frowning a little bit, "I met Seishirou in a bar wherein some of my classmates before and I went to celebrate because we all passed a certain exam. We were having so much fun and I drunk a lot. Until we decided to play _truth or dare_. They dared me to come to Seishirou, and kiss him."

I start to look at his eyes.

"Then...?"

"Maybe you know that I'm quite audacious and that I want to try all the possible things out there that can challenge me. And so I did what I'm told to just for the heck of it. I approached Seishirou and kissed him hard, on the lips."

I jerk a tad.

Fuuma's smile is wholly invisible already, "He was quite game that moment. Instead of wondering or pushing me away since we didn't know each other at all, he kissed me back fervently. I was so drunk, to the extent that I didn't know what I was doing anymore. And the worst part was... I had sex with him."

My hands turn cold and sweaty; especially that Fuuma is clasping it. My chest, on the other hand, is beginning to feel tighter with everything I'm finding out.

"I truly, utterly, regret that meeting. I was willing to give everything I had just to erase that particular point of time in my life."

"Did... Kakyou-san find out?" I ask him under my breath.

"Of course. I told him since I was so all over him, I never wished to lie to him. It pained me so much that he didn't get mad at me at all. Instead, he never said a word about it. He never left me."

Kakyou-san... truly loves Fuuma more than anyone else.

I hope... I can be the same to Fuuma.

"But Seishirou kept on seeing me. He blackmailed me about me having sex with him. One time, he went to our apartment room. We had a little argument. I told him to stay the hell of my life already. Then Kakyou, like he had never been before, joined in the argument. And I think he aggravated Seishirou big time."

Fuuma transfers his gaze to the ceiling.

"And after just a couple of days, Kakyou came home. Almost breathless. That damn Seishirou... he... he tortured Kakyou almost to-death!" His voice becomes louder, it's nearly frightening. "That's the reason why Kakyou is crippled now. He told me that Seishirou warned him about killing him next time they're going to see each other. I was very furious, I almost went crazy. Kakyou whom I took so much care for was almost killed by that heartless bastard! So I went to him and told him never to touch Kakyou again."

No, Kamui. There's no way to be jealous of Kakyou-san.

"...But he made a deal with me. He'd not kill Kakyou anymore. But in return, I had to be his lover who'll follow everything he wished me to do so. Because I loved Kakyou more than my life, I accepted the deal. I broke up with Kakyou. From that day on until today, I'm Seishirou's slave."

He sits more relaxingly now, "So you see I never really loved Seishirou. And he never loved me too. I know, he's just playing with me. Soon, he'll grow tired of me then maybe set me free. I think the time will come when he finds another prey and drop me off. I can't wait for that time, Kamui..."

Silence.

And I begin to cry.

I pity Fuuma. I pity Fuuma because I love him so. I used to think that he was very stupid to go with somebody like Seishirou. Even though I like him so much, I couldn't help myself but to have sick thoughts about him sometimes. Because I'm not perfect. Nobody is.

I never knew that everything is so difficult for him.

How can I not see through him beforehand that he never really loves Seishirou?

He was right when he told me earlier that I'm numb.

He doesn't realize that I'm already sobering since his eyes are fixed at the ceiling. And I'm trying my best not to let him hear my sniffle.

"But you see... Because of that I became stronger. Kakyou never failed to understand me. Hence, up to now he's blaming himself about me being Seishirou's slave. He kept on setting his mind that it was his fault. That if it were not because of him, this wouldn't happen to me. After everything that has happened, I became inhospitable to other people. I become rough. I never want to involve myself with anybody from that day on. Until I saw you... You who are super beautiful and seemingly very naïve..."

Now I can't resist myself. With my free hand, I abruptly held Fuuma's hand which is holding the other one.

He gasps, "Ah--!"

Then he looks at me just to see my wet face.

He's surprised, "K—Kamui...?"

"Fuuma, I—" I try to speak clearly now.

"Yes...?"

"I love you! I'm so happy that... you're telling me everything I need to know! Fuuma, I feel very sorry for you, I'm so sorry I never noticed your pain before!" I embrace him tight then.

Soon I feel his other hand relaxingly caressing my head.

"Don't feel sorry for me. I never need it." He says calmly.

"Fuuma... I want to know... how did you fall out of love with Kakyou-san? He's... almost perfect. Beautiful, compassionate. How did you stop your feelings for him and soon love me instead?"

"Well... I just said that I didn't want to involve myself with others already. And that includes Kakyou. If ever Seishirou finds out that I still love Kakyou immensely, he might still go after him. I attempted my very best to not feel anything towards Kakyou. At least not to be so much attached to him anymore. And then you... caught my attention. Slowly, I fell for you, falling out of love with Kakyou who accepted my new feelings without any hard feelings at all. And then the rest is history."

At least that is satisfying to hear...

"Kamui, I... I never planned to get involve with you as well. I was contented watching you from afar, learning things about you from other people. I sure did my very best to act out as indifferent as possible to you. I even told Kakyou about you and he supports me greatly. He said I must approach you and stuffs like that. But I didn't. I know Seishirou might mess with you if ever I do. So I remained quiet about my feelings."

I rest my cheek on his broad shoulder silently. Still listening very carefully with what he's saying.

"But halfway, I became uncontrollable. I wanted to see you closer, talk to you, and hold you. It's like you used a very strong love spell to me. You noticed it, didn't you? How I told them not to let Nataku take your part in this play. It slowly became very difficult on me. It was never enough for me to watch you from afar. Then... we came to that moment wherein you were badly hurt. That changed everything. Am I right?"

"Hai..." I reply softly.

"I don't regret confessing to you my real feelings since it's because of that we're finally together now... I hope I don't regret it sooner. Ever."

"Me either..."

Fuuma finally hugs me back.

"We will not. As long as we hold on tight together and never let go. Kamui... I love you... more than anyone else."

I can't reply yet. I'm still thinking over everything he has told me. I want to keep it registered in my mind.

And I'm still concerned about Subaru.

But I'm meaning to tell Fuuma that the feeling is mutual.

**lllllllllllllllll**

"I... I... give up now... St—Stop it already..."

"I expect you to last longer, Subaru-kun. Don't disappoint me."

"Ahh—Aaahh..."

"Tell me something. You're attracted to me, aren't you?"

"The hell I'm not..."

"Really now? You wouldn't be willing to do this if you're not attracted to me even just a little bit."

"How many times should I tell you that I—I'm... doing this—aah—for Kamui only..."

"Even for him someone wouldn't be so enthusiastic to do such a thing like this. You are a kind person, you're not very good with pretending."

"Shut up..."

"Hahaha..."

**lllllllllllllllll**

Thoughts of Subaru and Seishirou keep on escaping my brain as Fuuma kisses me deeply. For the second time around.

-Tsuzuku.

**lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll**

AN: Thanks for waiting and reading:3 I hope you enjoyed this chapter:) Until next chapter!

P.S.

Ne, do you think I should elaborate more on 'Verboten Love'? I mean, like writing a chapter of Kamui and Fuuma finally acting on the stage as Tsuki and Asahi, with complete script and plot:)

Nyah! THANKS AGAIN!

-Kamui Kinomoto-


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